PS - What The Hell Is A Packer?

Like I get the other teams still in the playoffs, they have real mascots:

New York Giants: Pretty self explanatory, they're obviously giant fucking monsters stomping the rest of the NFL's midget dicks in.

Baltimore Ravens: A bird, I get it.

New England Patriots: All American - A Patriot, reminds me of Mel Gibson just going fucking ape shit in The Patriot, I don't know why, something about the name.

San Francisco 49ers: Come to think of it this name sucks pretty bad, too. Sweet nickname for your football team, name it after a number. You guys brainstorm names over a walkie talkie?

So what the hell is a Packer? Like is Green Bay known for packing shit? Was that where moving companies were invented? Did they create anal sex in Wisconsin? I was always under the assumption the gays in San Francisco laid claim to that.... Debate for another day.... But just because they're some old storied franchise we can't wonder how weak of a team name Packers is? What are you packing besides your fucking lockers right now? How unintimidating of a name is that? Like get out of the 1800's guys, maybe that's why you're illustrious home field advantage has been absolutely terrible this century. Sign of the times, time to change it up folks. Need a new name and you needed it 90 years ago. Maybe hit up a design team and work on that logo. A capital letter G isn't really popping off the helmet. Instead of being lazy and just slapping a letter on the side of your helmet and calling it a life, let's get creative here. Maybe put a guy putting some shit in boxes or something to symbolize a Packer doing whatever it is a Packer does.

Sucker Free Sunday: Week 9 LOCKS

Fuck this shit. I'm sick of this crap that's been going on the last couple weeks. Jaguars thinking they can even compete with the Ravens, shit is fucking sickening. Enough of this shit. I'm going 3-0 this week like a motherfucker. Let's go.

NY Giants +9 - Like I mentioned earlier - the Giants are a bad matchup for the Patriots. I don't like Brady and his nonchalant style in the pocket against this pass rush. That said, it could be one of two games. The Patriots come out and rip through the Giants poor rushing defense with another guy no one has heard of, or they try to shoot it out. Unfortunately for Brady, he's not playing Mark Sanchez this week, he's playing fellow MVP candidate Eli Manning and he's throwing against your 32nd ranked pass defense. I would love for this game to turn into a shootout, if it does, Giants should hang and stay close and possibly steal the game in Foxboro.

San Francisco -3.5 - I don't know if anyone knows this.... But I love Patrick Willis, which means I love San Francisco. I also hate the Redskins. John Beck vs. Patrick Willis? Yeah right. Like that's a question. Cannot believe this is only a 3 point spread. I'm all over SF here, their defense will put up more points than the Redskins offense.

Cincinnati +3 - I feel like I say this every week about the Bengals but here it goes again.... I don't get this spread. I guess the Titans are okay, but really? Chris Johnson even playing? Believe it or not, the Bengals own the 4th ranked overall defense. 2nd in the NFL against the run. Good luck getting back on track this week CJ. I love the combination of Andy Dalton to AJ Green, they look like they've been playing together for years. I like the matchup for the Bengals, they should win this game straight up.

2011 Record 13-9-2 (WC; 2-6)


Wild Card picks which I'm obviously awful at, record is 2-6 since starting these.... I don't know why I'm even still doing it, but here we go - two more games:

St. Louis +3 - Arizona is starting John Skelton.... From Fordham.... Whatever, they just shouldn't beat anyone with Skelton on the field - that is if the Earth is still spinning on its axis and everything made sense.

Baltimore +3 - I've been arguing constantly with Galt about this all week, I just can't see his reasoning how Pittsburgh has such a good chance to win this game. Baltimore has the #1 defense in the NFL and already bent the Steelers over 35-7 earlier this year. I love the Ravens in this game, I think they're a better team. Even if they haven't been playing well on the road, I don't care - shit like that doesn't matter when these two teams play each other. I expect it to stay close.

In Depth Recap Of The Ravens Performance

We're All Ravens Fans Tonight

Vegas just saw this and the line on this game went from Ravens -10 to Ravens -1,000. If the Jaguars win this game this will be the biggest upset in sports history. Wouldn't be shocked if Blaine Gabbert refuses to go out on the field and you know what? I wouldn't blame him. If I had more money I would bet it all on the Ravens right now, Ray Lewis just made me feel so comfortable about my bet on them tonight. And makes me feel real good about his influential speech influencing Ray Rice to have a monster game. I need just 12 points out of him to win my fantasy week, and now I'm pretty much guaranteed victory at this point right? Might as well not even watch this game and do something more productive with my time right? Nah fuck that, I just had a root canal (which I don't know what the big deal is) so I'm just going to eat some fresh mooz and drink some beers while I watch the last form of legalized rape while Ray Lewis humps Blaine Gabbert to death up and down the field. Let's fucking go RAVENS!!!! Plus if you don't root for the Ravens I'm pretty sure Ray Lewis will murder your ass.

Sucker Free Sunday: Week 7 LOCKS (Swag)

Last week was my first losing week of the season, went 1-2 (1-3-1 including the honorable mention games) so that drops my overall record to 11-6-1 (12-8-2 with honorable mentions) - okay I'm just calling them wild card picks now - so with wild cards included I'm 12-8-2, not awful but okay. So this week I actually have been monitoring a lot of the spreads due to the shake up around the league with some last minute trades. Some of them are moving in a favorable direction that I like, so here we go - rebound time:

Carolina -1 - This isn't so much about betting on the Panthers as it is going against the Redskins and their problems. I think the Redskins have a pretty good defense but I can't see them doing much of anything on the other side of the ball. It's the first time I've seen Carolina favored, so will be interesting to see how they play, but I'm sure they'll still feel like they're in the underdog role. Cam Newton had a rough game last week, but a tipped pass going his way instead of the Falcons and that game could've been completely different. I like Newton in this one, and I'll say he throws for one TD and runs for another two. He'll have to take this game over. Panthers 27, Redskins 23.

Seahawks +3 - Don't know why but I like the Seahawks here. They have the #1 rush defense in the league and they're opponent is a banged up Peyton Hillis who has struggled to get anything going this year. He doesn't have much of a chance to change that against this front. Seattle showed a spark with Viggo Mortensen here under center, so I like what they can do against Cleveland. Watch out for Doug Baldwin as he continues to impress. Seattle 23, Cleveland 16.



Ravens -8 - I don't like a veteran quarterback against the Ravens, so I obviously hate Blaine Gabbert against the Ravens. Each year we see a rookie get slaughtered by this defense and there's really no reason to think Gabbert won't have trouble. MJD will be the only one the Ravens prepare for, he will be quiet all game long and they'll force Gabbert to attempt to try and get a first down. I honestly think first downs will be an issue for Jacksonville, I see only FG's if anything at all. Flacco and Rice have been pretty much fantastic all season, I don't see it letting up on Monday Night Football. This game will get ugly quick for Blaine Gabbert. Ravens 31, Jaguars 6.

2011 Record: 11-6-1, WC 1-2-1 (12-8-2)

Wild Card games:

Indianapolis +15.5, Denver +1

Indianapolis hasn't played all that bad in their last couple games. Painter is continuing to look impressive each time out as he keeps improving. He's protecting the ball well and he's got a couple RB's at his disposal. They also have Peyton's old weapons - Reggie Wayne and Dallas Clark. If he can get the ball in their hands they can keep this game close. The Saints have been playing down to their competition all season, I can't see them turning it on all of a sudden for the winless Colts.

Denver has a lot going on, all eyes will be on Tim Tebow. He's starting IN FLORIDA to face the winless Dolphins. When was the last time an 0-5 team was favored? Tebow plays like an absolute champion even though everyone thinks he sucks, he still gets shit done. Now he'll be home in Florida where everyone worships him, he'll have another Tebow moment in his career and probably account for 5 TD's. Guy will have extremely high motivation and adrenaline, I see him having a huge game because he plays by far his best under extreme amounts of pressure.