Looks Like That Victory Celebration Tom Brady Promised Went Well

NY Daily News - Patriots fans packed the lower level of Gillette Stadium in Foxborough on Sunday to give the AFC champions a raucous Super sendoff. But it was nothing compared to the party Tom Brady expects to have back in New England next week. “We’re going down there for one reason,” Brady said before the Patriots boarded their charter flight to Super Bowl XLVI. “We’re going to give it our best and hopefully we’ll have a lot more people at our party next weekend.” And with that, the cocky QB sent the estimated crowd of 25,000 into a frenzy, sending the Patriots off to their fifth Super Bowl in the last 11 years. It’s their first trip back, of course, since Super Bowl XLII, when the Giants spoiled the undefeated Patriots’ party plans with a shocking 17-14 win.

I wonder what it's like to promise 25,000 fans a victory celebration and then put up a 28.7 QB rating in the 4th quarter of a Super Bowl.

2 Of The Most Annoying Downfalls Of Your Favorite Team Winning A Championship

Haters and bandwagon fans. I know a couple of my friends who are huge Jets and Mets fans would love to have this problem, but I can't stand it. These two go hand in hand. The Giants haven't been World Champs for ten minutes and I'm getting bombarded with "Giants are lucky" texts and Facebook posts. Same people who send those are putting up huge defensive Facebook statuses about "Giants fans" in quotes like people who are Giants fans aren't Giants fans? And it's funny because who provoked them to do that? It's like this huge defensive hate filled post about wanting people to die but meanwhile no one actually said anything to you? It's confusing.

Then the reasons why they won become nothing about football or the fundamentals of the game and all of a sudden all about luck. Luck is what wins Championships now a days. Tom Brady actually not being good is lucky? How about the fact he's been unclutch since 2004? Why do people still think he's good? He chokes, end of story. He had Branch wide open and threw it right at Kenny Phillips, that's why Branch didn't catch the ball. If Brady had led him with the ball, that play might've gone for 40 yards, instead he threw it behind him and the ball actually should've been picked off. The Welker drop was an awful pass. He's wide open, he throws it to his back shoulder and high, just a shitty pass from someone who cannot possibly live up to the pedestal he's been placed on. After cruising through the first 3 quarters, Brady put up a passer rating of 28.7 in the most important part of the game. Not real sure how we can keep calling this guy clutch when he's done nothing to help his team win lately, and 2-4 in your last 6 postseason games is about as unclutch as you can possibly be.

But whatever, haters gonna hate and Eli's gonna beat Brady, just the way of the world. Haters do your thing.

The bandwagon thing fucking sucks, though. It's literally unavoidable, just nothing a fan can do about it. I am now clumped in to the millions of Giants fans around the world, no telling me apart from the rest now. There are going to be tons of fans coming out of left field and the ones who endured 15 degree wind chills in the parking lot and the ones who went to Indianapolis on a whim with no tickets just to be in the city the Giants were playing the Super Bowl in are left to get trampled and run over by the madness of these bandwagon fans.

Never bad to add new fans and followers, but it sucks to have they represent us as a whole. I had to go through this as a Yankees fan, and now Yankees fans have an awful reputation because of loud mouth attention seeking assholes who wear Yankees shit because they think it's the cool thing to do. They try to have arguments about sports and make the rest of us look like assholes. Celebrities who will become Giants fans will get interviewed and completely butcher someones name or basically admit they know absolutely nothing and it will reflect our fanbase as a whole. It's honestly the WORST. I think what's worse than a bunch of celebrities are the nobodies, the friends we have on FB that get into sports arguments with someone that actually has knowledge of the sport. It's so infuriating to watch them crash and burn while claiming Giants fandom, just crushing our fans reputation. Luckily for me, I've been overly public of my love affair with the Giants well before 2007, so that my friends actually appreciate these times for me. I just hate random people saying things like "WE DID IT!" when someone like myself, who's a die hard fan, had no clue this person even watched football let alone rooted for the Giants (not to mention the fact that "WE" didn't do anything, we're not on the team). Things like that bother me to no end because it just makes us all look like a bunch of assholes when you represent yourself as a Giants fan. If you don't know shit about sports just stay out of the conversation, it's in the best interests for everyone.

So Indianapolis Was Fun

Obviously I have a lot to get to in relation to the Giants win over the Patriots on Sunday. I've been so busy being in Indianapolis that I haven't gotten time to settle down and even think about what happened yet. Thing is, I don't get paid to do this stuff but if I did I'd more than likely be the best blogger in the world, but I don't so you're only getting about 31% effort 100% of the time. Trip was as flawless as a trip could get when planned and orchestrated within one hour of the creation of the idea, I'd say the biggest trip up for me was my phone dying at the end of the game. We brought chargers with us to the bar on Sunday morning, but left them in the car, so in other words we might as well not have brought them. Well we got to the bar at 9am and were there until about midnight, so the phone shut down right around the end of the game. I wanted to take video of the celebration that ensued but even if my phone wasn't dead I was busy recovering from a game winning nose bleed and hugging everyone in sight. It was pure madness, the place had be inexplicably 70% Patriots fans at the start of the game, with 3 minutes left and the Patriots up 17-15, there might've been 2 Pats fans left in the entire place. They all knew it was over and didn't wanna be around to get trampled in the celebration, can't blame 'em. Anyway I'll get into more details about the trip, the game, thoughts, reactions, all that stuff. But I don't get paid to do this so you'll get all that stuff when I feel like doing it.

I Cannot WAIT To Get To Indy

Ummmm Peyton who?! 100% understand the Luck jersey, probably a million of those floating around by now... But an Eli Manning Colts jersey?! I mean that's music to my fucking eyeballs. Talk about a home game for the Giants. I cannot wait to get my ass into Indy on Saturday and be flooded with Colts/Giants fans. Just couldn't ask for a better scenario for the Giants. All Colts fans obviously hate the Patriots, and hate Tom Brady.... but they all fucking LOVE Peyton Manning, except this guy who really wants Andrew Luck to play QB - talk about completely abandoning ship on the one guy who literally made your franchise what it is right now, what a jerk right???? But anyway, so if they love Peyton they have to have a soft spot in their heart for his little brother who's about to pass him in ring collection rankings. OOOOHHH BOY this weekend is going to be so fucking outstanding I can't even stand it! If we got Colts fans making personalized Eli jersey's, we've got a serious homefield advantage - but technically it's still a road game in the postseason so the Giants should be golden.

Giants. Patriots. Super Bowl. Eli Better Than Brady?

Who would have thought Week 9 was a preview of Super Bowl XLVI, huh? Sure, record wise you would think two 5-2 teams was a good match-up, but the Patriots hadn't beaten anyone with a winning record and the Giants first half schedule was as easy as it gets and also included losses to the Redskins and Seahawks. Well they were both different teams back then, Patriots still figuring things out coming off a loss to Pittsburgh and the Giants having huge problems both running the ball and stopping the run. Another problem for the Giants at the mid-way point was that they hadn't had a consistent pass rush because of injuries to Osi Umenyiora and Justin Tuck, leaving Jason Pierre-Paul to fend for himself - had it not been for his overly rapid development, who knows where the Giants would be right now.

The Giants won the game 24-20 on another Eli Manning game winning touchdown drive, which I'm sure Pats fans are sick of seeing by now. They also did it without starting RB Ahmad Bradshaw and #1 WR Hakeem Nicks. The Patriots could have folded up shop, but instead reeled off 10 straight wins. The Giants, lost 5 of their next 6 games before catching fire flames when it counted, including narrow losses to the last two teams they knocked out of the playoffs. Giants entered that game in Foxboro 9 point underdogs, they'll enter the Super Bowl somewhere in the range of 3 point dogs.

The Patriots are finding different ways to win each week. At the start of the season, it was Tom Brady looking like he was going to throw for 10,000 yards and another 50 TD's and the offense was going to be 2007 all over again. Rob Gronkowski (the greatest 6th round fantasy draft pick of all-time, fuck it though because my team still missed the playoffs thanks Darren McFadden, never mind) decided to put together one of the nope actually THE greatest season for a TE in the history of the game. Guy was an absolute machine, straight up uncoverable. Giants won in Week 9 yet Gronk put up 8 catches for 101 yards and a touchdown. That's about the best you could hope for against him. Once teams keyed on Brady and the passing game, The Law Firm, Woodhead and some other no name backs started to run the ball on teams. Last week in the AFC Championship, that's exactly what they did to the Ravens. With the Ravens using mostly Nickel packages, the Pats went no huddle, not allowing the Ravens to substitute and match personnel, and the Pats ran it on a softer group than we're used to seeing. Not only did the Ravens not have the matchups they wanted, the main cogs out there (Ray Lewis, Haloti Ngata) were gassed by the non-stop movement. The mix up in game plans is what won the Pats that game, and will pose a serious challenge to a Giants defense that likes to mix up personnel along the defensive line to keep their defensive line fresh and their pass rush constant. Without them being able to sub in and out, it could render their entire defensive scheme useless.

The Giants are a completely different team than they were when these two teams met. Eli Manning has been playing at a high level all season, but has taken it even higher in this postseason. Whereas Tom Brady has looking pretty human after throwing for no touchdowns and two picks last week against the Ravens - being outplayed by Joe Flacco. The Giants are as healthy as they've been all season long, they'll have the two starters they were missing in Week 9, Bradshaw and Nicks. And their defensive line is fully healthy, which is a main reason they are where they are. The regular season stats are a bit misleading, listing the Giants 32nd out of 32 teams running the ball, averaging just under 90 yards/game. That's changed since the regular season, and Manning now has a running game to work with which makes it easier to pick apart opposing defenses. He'll be going against an uncharacteristically bad Bill Belichick defense in Indy, the Pats ranked 32nd against the pass and were just shredded by Joe Flacco. Manning will have his weapons on a turf field in a controlled environment, unlike last week in San Francisco where they dealt with dreadful field conditions and constant rain and wind. Scary to think what they can do on a speedy surface against a suspect pass defense. If this does turn into a shootout, advantage has got to go to the Giants.

Eli Manning. Guy has been an absolute monster in this postseason. Big reason? 3rd downs. In situations the Giants have faced a 3rd and 6 or longer - The Giants converted 15 of 25 times (60%). Eli in those situations? 18 of 21 (86%) for 287 yards with a TD and no INTs, calculate that out and that's good for a 134.6 QB rating.

Against Atlanta: 7/7, 113 yards.

Against Green Bay: 5/5, 79 yards.

Against San Fran: 6/9, 95 yards and a TD.

That's just fucking nuts. The guy is widely praised for being a certifiable film junky, and he shows it with his adjustments at the line. He reads the defense and goes through his progressions like he knows exactly where the defenders are going to be. That wasn't the case his first 7 seasons, this comes with experience, and he has it now. This isn't a case of him being hot, this is Eli now, this kind of performance and level of play is here for good now. There's nothing he hasn't seen in this league, and going into a game in which he's already won (against a much, much better version of the Patriots) there's no reason he doesn't have an absolute field day against their awful pass defense. The Giants don't even need the run as they proved against the extremely solid SF defense. He threw the ball 58 times in piss poor conditions while getting hit and bullied on nearly every single snap, and it never phased him. Late in the game, he stood in the pocket on a 3rd and 15 and threw a fucking laser to Mario Manningham in the end zone against an 8-man coverage for the TD. Another huge 4th quarter play to put the Giants in position to put the game into OT and put them into the Super Bowl. This guy plus a dominating pass rush should have the Patriots extremely nervous going into this game, Week 9 I said this was a terrible matchup for the Patriots, and now? It's much worse. Because calling Eli Manning "elite" is becoming borderline disrespectful.... But it's okay, he's used to it.

PS - What The Hell Is A Packer?

Like I get the other teams still in the playoffs, they have real mascots:

New York Giants: Pretty self explanatory, they're obviously giant fucking monsters stomping the rest of the NFL's midget dicks in.

Baltimore Ravens: A bird, I get it.

New England Patriots: All American - A Patriot, reminds me of Mel Gibson just going fucking ape shit in The Patriot, I don't know why, something about the name.

San Francisco 49ers: Come to think of it this name sucks pretty bad, too. Sweet nickname for your football team, name it after a number. You guys brainstorm names over a walkie talkie?

So what the hell is a Packer? Like is Green Bay known for packing shit? Was that where moving companies were invented? Did they create anal sex in Wisconsin? I was always under the assumption the gays in San Francisco laid claim to that.... Debate for another day.... But just because they're some old storied franchise we can't wonder how weak of a team name Packers is? What are you packing besides your fucking lockers right now? How unintimidating of a name is that? Like get out of the 1800's guys, maybe that's why you're illustrious home field advantage has been absolutely terrible this century. Sign of the times, time to change it up folks. Need a new name and you needed it 90 years ago. Maybe hit up a design team and work on that logo. A capital letter G isn't really popping off the helmet. Instead of being lazy and just slapping a letter on the side of your helmet and calling it a life, let's get creative here. Maybe put a guy putting some shit in boxes or something to symbolize a Packer doing whatever it is a Packer does.

GRONK!!!!

Fucking GRONK! Why Brady attempts to throw to Underwood and Welker in the red zone is beyond me. You know you're going to Gronk, I know you're going to Gronk, they know you're going to Gronk, just do it. This guy is a fucking BEAST! I drafted him with the last pick in the 7th round and was told it was "worst pick in the draft" at that point. Yeah, 30 points today and it was an average game for my man here. Guy is just fucking dominating with no signs of slowing up.

SUCKER Free Sunday: Week 14 LOCKS

Here we go, continuing to rack up W's, going to continue to do it with these picks:

New England -7 - Really? Give me a break.

New Orleans -3 - In the Saints 9 wins, the average margin of victory is 16.4 points. I expect them to win this game, I expect them to cover 3 points.

Carolina +3 - Another week, another pick of Carolina aka I'm picking Cam Newton. At home against one of the most overrated teams in the NFL over the last two years. Newton extends his NFL record for rushing TD by a QB and probably ends up leading the league when all is said and done.

2011 record: 21-16-2 (WC 7-11)

Wild Card Picks


NY Giants +4.5 - Giants have won both games they've playing in Jerry Jones Asshole Stadium, they NEED to win this game if they want to have any shot of getting into the playoffs, I think Tony Romo might get knocked out of this game, too.

Minnesota +10.5 - Just heard AP is out and Ponder is in, not happy about that - would rather AP in and Ponder out so Joe Webb would start, that would create a nightmare matchup for Detroit. Detroit has been so shitty lately I just can't see them cleaning it up enough in one week (without a starting RB) to be favored by 10.5 points.

Sucker Free Sunday: Week 12 LOCKS

Alright, last couple weeks haven't gone as planned but lucky for me no one reads this, don't really have strong feelings about this weeks games so just going to wing this shit, here we go:

Carolina -2.5 - Indianapolis is home, that's about all they've got going for them.. They obviously are trying to run the table in the Suck For Luck sweepstakes and Cam Newton should have no problem carving apart their defense. For fantasy purposes I hope all his passes go to Steve Smith for touchdowns.

NY Jets -9.5 - The Bills have fucked me twice this year. Week 1 and last week. They've officially lost Fred Jax for the season who was really their only weapon. Their quarterback is a nerd and they have one of the most overrated WR's in the league, this team is done. Jets actually have a shot to make the playoffs, they'll come out hot. Big things for #25 today playing in place of LT.

New England -3 - This is a joke right? Only 3 point favorites over the biggest fraud of a team in history? The 4-6 Eagles are only 3 point dogs to the New England Patriots.... Okay. I honestly don't know how Vince Young can be so terrible and still have everyone give him credit like he's good at football. Vick is questionable yet this spread is still only 3? So the Pats would only be 6 or 7 point favorites if they were home? But against the 5-2 Giants they were 9.5 point favorites? I'm just confused, tired, partially hungover and flabbergasted this spread is so close I just don't know what to do other than say I'd LOCK THIS SHIT UP!

2011 Record 17-14-2 (WC 4-10)

Wild Card Picks

Denver +6 - Tebow. That's it.

NY Giants +8.5 - Like the offensive matchup, but if the Saints exploit the Giants linebackers this game will be over by the end of the first quarter.

Sucker Free Sunday: Week 11 LOCKS

Coming off my first 0-3 week of 2011 and not trying to follow Mike's pattern, so plan on winning some of these this week. Here we go:

This guy is starting Monday Night. This guy.

New England -15 - Kansas City is starting a guy who has never started an NFL game before... He's played for the New Orleans Saints, Arizona Cardinals, California Redwoods, Montreal Alouettes, Pittsburgh Steelers, and now the Kansas City Chiefs. Notice there were two non-NFL teams mixed in that THREE year span. So this undrafted FA is going to start his first ever NFL game on Monday Night Football AT New England? By the way New England is really good, too. Fuckin' lock.

NY Giants -5.5 - Vick, out. Maclin, out. Insert Vince Young who's season stats are.... Drumroll please.... 0 for 1, INT. Lock it up, $100 on it.

Buffalo +3 - Buffalo has been struggling lately, and I hate Buffalo and love watching them lose, but there's no real reason for them to be 3 point dogs against the Dolphins. They still have Fred Jackson, still have Steve Johnson, and Ryan Fitz who should all have great match-ups today. Love the field goal spread on the road, because there's a real good shot that's what this game will be decided by.

2011 Record: 16-12-2 (WC 3-9)

Wild Card Picks

Tennessee +7 - The Titans put it together offensively last week for the first time without Kenny Britt. Hasselbeck has seemed to have found a target in Damian Williams, and Chris Johnson is slowly getting back into form. I think they're evenly matched up with Atlanta now that Julio Jones has been ruled out, so 7 points works nice for me.

San Diego +5 - Looks like everyone is finally off the San Diego bandwagon, but that puts me on it. I'm like a hipster with picks. No one thinks picking SD is cool? Well now I do. I also have gone against Chicago pretty much every single week, I absolutely do NOT believe in this team. They overachieve what seems like every year, and get love for beating soft teams. Cutler is soft, and if SD comes out and plays the way they're capable of.... This could very easily be a blowout for the Chargers. Love getting 5 points for an offense that can explode at any moment.

Rex Being Rex

Now I know this happened Sunday, but I can't see this shit at work so I finally found it. It's funnier than I thought it'd be - clear as shit too. Like there's no mistaking he told that guy to shut the fuck up. I figured, ah cell phone camera probably can barely hear a thing, oh no - this was perfect. Fucking awesome, too. Dude it's 13-9, no way you know we're going to get our fucking asses kicked in the second half as Belichick bends me over for 30 minutes straight so shut the fuck up. Classic Rex.

What Do You Do When You're Desperate For Attention After Getting Beat Again And People Finally Realize You're Just Not That Good Anymore?

You cut Albert Haynesworth. That'll show 'em.


PS - This is the only picture I could find of him in a Patriots uniform, him getting manhandled by the Giants in a preseason game by a guy who's RotoWorld profile looks like this:



Eli Still Getting Absolutely No Credit

ESPN - Aaron Rodgers is the MVP, and it isn't even close. Last season was the first time there was a unanimous winner of the Associated Press's Most Valuable Player award, with Tom Brady winning all 50 of the votes. This year should be the second time. One of the main criteria for being an elite quarterback is consistency. Eli Manning has been consistently good this season late in games. He has five fourth-quarter comeback wins, two more than the next-closest quarterbacks, Cincinnati's Andy Dalton and San Francisco's Alex Smith. Sunday at New England, the Giants twice trailed the Patriots in the fourth quarter, and twice Manning brought them back. On third-and-5 at the New England 10-yard line, he threw a touchdown strike to Mario Manningham to take a 17-13 lead. After the Patriots scored to retake the lead 20-17, Manning led the Giants on an 80-yard drive in the final 90 seconds that included a huge third-down throw to Jake Ballard and a pass interference call against New England at the goal line. Manning's fourth-quarter numbers: 8-of-13 for 93 yards and two touchdowns.

Okay, so Aaron Rodgers leading the unbelievably heavily favored defending champions at full strength to an 8-0 start is MVP worthy - but a guy having an absolutely phenomenal career season leading a team that has taken mass casualties to key guys at key positions isn't even given more than "consistently good late in games"? How does ESPN let women write for them? This girl obviously never played football, and odds are she just gets her information from box scores - but if he's been only "good" late in games then the rest of the QB's in the league have fucking sucked. Newsflash toots, Eli Manning is fucking great in the 4th quarter to the point where he leads the league, and it isn't even close.

This guy gets absolutely no credit, but at least give it to him when it's due. Guy goes into Foxboro and beats Brady after telling the world he's in the same class as the guy. Well Eli was obviously wrong, because he was in a higher class than the Uggs poster boy yesterday. The thing I can't stand is Eli drives the Giants to two 80 yard TD drives in the final 3 minutes of the game on the road in a place no one has beaten Brady in the regular season since November of '06, and all people talked about was the one INT he had in the 3rd quarter that obviously has nothing to do with anything since it had no impact on the final score. Now Brady, Mr Fucking Perfect can't seem to do anything wrong. Guy throws 2 picks, loses a fumble but no one is talking about how shitty he's been playing. Head to head Eli has beaten Brady twice in a row, both on 4th quarter comebacks. So why isn't there more blame on Brady? Why isn't anyone asking if he just doesn't have it anymore? Maybe he's not so cool under pressure? Maybe it was the Gatorade Bottles Fault?

PS - That's the closest Brady came to hitting Ochocinco yesterday.

I don't know but this guy needs to start feeling the heat for once. Eli has taken so much shit over his career and he's still got that "Aw shucks gee willikers I'm just out there doing my best" attitude that might just be the best thing to have playing in NY when even when you win a Super Bowl in the most dramatic fashion in your 4th season and it doesn't mean shit because everyone still seems to hate you, best to just not give a fuck. I give Eli a ton of credit, had a terrible season last year with the 25 picks and I've said for a long time many of those weren't his fault. But living amongst the most arrogant and delusional fans I've ever dealt with, Jets fans, they continued pointing to that stat and how Sanchez will be better than him (absolutely hilarious) but I don't know if the Jets can just waltz into Foxboro without their #1 RB, #1 WR and starting center, and beat Tom Brady and the Patriots like it's no big deal. Eli never once said the INT's were anyone else's fault but his own, another thing I give him credit for - but he worked hard to overcome that, and half a season in - the guy has thrown only 6 picks. Brady has 10.

For a guy who had a ridiculously high QB rating in the 4th quarter, Eli's has actually gone up after yesterdays come from behind win against the Pats. It now sits a shade over 121, ten points higher than the #2 QB, Aaron Rodgers. You know - that guy who's the clear cut favorite for the MVP. I'm not gonna lie or pull punches here, there's no way Rodgers is a unanimous MVP of this league. He's a great QB - but he better fucking win with that roster. Eli Manning needs to be considered because just like his brother - if he's not behind center, this team might have 0 wins right now. He's carrying this team on his back right now, and he's proving to the whole fucking world he's ELIte like a motherfucker.

Are The Giants A Bad Matchup For The Patriots?

Let's just talk about the big retarded looking mouth breathing elephant in the room. Eli Manning is playing MVP football right now. The Patriots are 32nd in the league against the pass, that's dead fucking last. They're the only team in football allowing an average of over 300 yards per game through the air. That's atrocious. Manning has been playing smart football all season. Cue the "WAHHHH but he said he's in Brady's class! WAHHH!". Well you know what? He has been. Check the numbers and they're pretty much spot on. A battle of the #2 and #3 QB's of 2011 except Eli gets to play against Milton High Schools JV squad and Brady has to go up against the best defensive line in the game, the one leading the NFL in sacks. If Brady decides he wants to stand in the pocket like some cocky asshole like he normally does, I have a feeling he might get killed. JPP tears his own teammates ACL's for fun so might want to learn how to move out of the pocket once in a while or you can consider your season over.

Man Up, Gronk

Not only do I not believe Rob Gronkowski when he apologizes for spending an afternoon with a pornslut (her words, not mine), but I'm also insulted he even tried doing so.


Let's get the facts straight.

This picture - among others - was taken and posted to Twitter

Mr Gronkowski went to Arizona during his bye week, presumably to meet up with some old buddies from his alma mater, the University of Arizona, and to get laid. He is after all an NFL player. How do we know he was trying to get his rocks off? Well for one, he brought his own jersey on the road with him. Just a hunch but I don't think the Patriots were hosting a minicamp in Phoenix during their week off. Secondly, he came into contact with 20-year old Bibi Jones probably after her 7th period high school math class and convinced her to join him in a bedroom and don his jersey. Those are the facts. Everything else is left to the imagination. For example, we can surmise the two had some sex but until the video surfaces, we can't be sure.

But Gronk, why lie and say you are sorry about this whole deal? There is a 99% chance you had sex with a pornstar. Stop with your bullshit. There's no way you are sorry for that.

Who is this BJ (pun intended) character anyway?  Let's take a look at her Twitter profile to find out (Walter Yego does the hard nose investigative work so you don't have to):

In Bibi's mind, she was put on this Earth for one two reasons, and they both rhyme with "luck". 

Good for her for finding her niche at such a young age.

By the way, no way Aaron Hernandez would ever apologize for doing something like this.

Week 5 Picks: Better Days Ahead

I mislabeled last week's article "Don't Bet Your Life on It." Based on the way my advice for the first three weeks went though, maybe you should have known not to listen to me and actually bet your life / life savings. I went 3-0 to push my record above .500 on the season. Gotta keep the momentum going this week:

Bills +3: The Dream Team seems like much ado about nothing. They are hands down the most disappointing team in the league. On Sunday, they will also be without Trent Cole, their best defensive player. They couldn't stop the run to begin with. Now, they are toast. The Bills on the other hand are one of the NFL's best stories. They got knocked back to Earth a bit with a road loss to Cincy in Week 4, but the crowd will be in a frenzy and Fred Jackson is about to run wild.

Eagles can expect to see a lot of this on Sunday.
(I especially love this picture bc of the Jason Taylor corpse in the background)

Giants -9.5: The formula for wagering on Seattle's games: bet on them when at home, bet against them on the road. The Giants are playing great football and I can't see the Seahawks containing Ahmad Bradshaw.

Patriots -9: I try to be as objective as possible when evaluating the Jets, and I do not have a good feeling about this game for the Jets. Sanchez has looked awful. They haven't been able to protect him. The running game has looked terrible (although this would figure to be a the game they break out of their slump). All signs are pointing to a blowout especially with the Pats rolling right now.


Record: 6-5-1

Sucker Free Sunday: Week 2 LOCKS

The Chiefs fucked me so bad last week I should get 2 losses, but I don't HA - So I went 2-1 last week. I'll take that on my LOCKS. Now time to look at some Week 2 LOCKS! WOOOOO!

Oakland +3

I have no idea how Buffalo wins one game and now they're favorites? When was the last time they were favorites in a game? Hosting a team that just worked a division opponent on the road. Darren McFadden is going to run wild on the Bills, it's going to be epic. I say he goes over 150, at least 2 touches. Since I have Michael Bush on my fantasy team he obviously isn't going to do shit, it will be DMC all day err day. Raiders pass D is a lot better than the Chiefs, and Fitzpatrick comes back to earth this Sunday.

New England -7

Philip Rivers can't beat the Patriots, just can't do it. Including postseason he's 1-4 with a 78.4 rating against them. Plus, did anyone else catch a pass from Tom Brady last weekend? Guy just told all of New England to show up hammered drunk and rowdy as shit for their home opener. With that going on behind him, he might put up 600 yards and Gronk will have 2 scores. This will be a barn burner but New England will put up most of those points.

Pittsburgh -14

I usually stay away from spreads this big, that's what she said, but Pitt is coming off an embarrassing loss to Baltimore last week in which they made 7 turnovers and Hines Ward got fucking laid out. You don't think they're going to come out a little pissed off?? Seattle is still rebuilding and they have no idea what they're walking into at Heinz field. Crowd will be nuts and the Steelers will be fired up. This should be a blowout.