PS - What The Hell Is A Packer?

Like I get the other teams still in the playoffs, they have real mascots:

New York Giants: Pretty self explanatory, they're obviously giant fucking monsters stomping the rest of the NFL's midget dicks in.

Baltimore Ravens: A bird, I get it.

New England Patriots: All American - A Patriot, reminds me of Mel Gibson just going fucking ape shit in The Patriot, I don't know why, something about the name.

San Francisco 49ers: Come to think of it this name sucks pretty bad, too. Sweet nickname for your football team, name it after a number. You guys brainstorm names over a walkie talkie?

So what the hell is a Packer? Like is Green Bay known for packing shit? Was that where moving companies were invented? Did they create anal sex in Wisconsin? I was always under the assumption the gays in San Francisco laid claim to that.... Debate for another day.... But just because they're some old storied franchise we can't wonder how weak of a team name Packers is? What are you packing besides your fucking lockers right now? How unintimidating of a name is that? Like get out of the 1800's guys, maybe that's why you're illustrious home field advantage has been absolutely terrible this century. Sign of the times, time to change it up folks. Need a new name and you needed it 90 years ago. Maybe hit up a design team and work on that logo. A capital letter G isn't really popping off the helmet. Instead of being lazy and just slapping a letter on the side of your helmet and calling it a life, let's get creative here. Maybe put a guy putting some shit in boxes or something to symbolize a Packer doing whatever it is a Packer does.

Half An Inch And We're Going For The Season Sweep Of These Scrubs

Am I the only one that remembers the Giants were centimeters away from beating this fucking team Week 10?? And even after this they still had a shot if Eli didn't throw a missile into the defensive line on 4th down. But can't dwell on missed opportunity's right now - Giants are playing at a much higher level, Eli Manning is sharp as shit, right now he probably hits Manningham in stride while eating a Peanut Butter and Fluff sandwich on Arnold bread with no crust (you know he'd eat that shit, too) like it's not even a problem. Fist pump later and they're on their way to Indy. Bring these fucking suckers on, let's go.

DISCOUNT BLOWOUTTTTTT

So who cares I haven't blogged in 10 days? No one on earth but more specifically the Giants, because they're too busy WINNING. Packers were too busy making State Farm Discount Remixes they forgot to get ready for a playoff game. Just can't handle the spotlight, that's why they couldn't go undefeated and that's why they couldn't put up a fight against the Giants. Can't blame them I guess, nothing you can do when you run into a fucking buzzsaw called Eli. Guy just carved through this Packers defense like it was nothing. Comes into Green Bay in the playoffs and just owns the fucking place. You think he or anyone else on this team gives a SHIT about going to San Francisco? Absolutely negative. They probably love it. Going to go in there, avenge their meaningless loss to them in a game they should've won by 20, and prove it when they beat them 30-10. Everyone wants to talk about Patriots/Giants rematch, I don't give a shit who the Giants play and neither do they - but I'll tell you one thing, you know whoever it is they're going to be absolutely SHOOK! Hottest team in the NFL right now, no question about it. Imagine JPP actually shows up in San Fran? Game will be over in the first quarter if he starts going off. Alex Smith is such a pussy I can't even stand it.

Joe Staley Tells Fans Not To Do The Wave

Yahoo - San Francisco 49ers offensive lineman Joe Staley has a reasonable request for fans of the team: Don't do the wave when the Niners are on offense. The former first-round pick became peeved with fans at Candlestick Park on Sunday when he noticed they were doing the wave after quarterback Alex Smith was sacked during the third quarter of a 26-0 victory over the St. Louis Rams. He went on Twitter and kindly asked the fans to stop the mass cheer. "Thanks to the fans for being so supportive and great this year so far," he wrote. "Keep it up. Just don't start the wave anymore when we are on offense." Staley wouldn't have been out of line asking fans to stop doing the wave altogether, mainly because it's the the worst stadium ritual this side of the vuvuzela. He's accepting that sometimes fans just want to stand up in harmony to produce a rhythmic human undulation in a concrete bowl. Provided they do it at the right times, it's fine.

Could there be two more pompous assholes on the planet than these two? First there's an offensive lineman making demands from the crowd trying to cheer for his team after they give up a sack, then this jerk reporter up on his high horse. Seriously where does this guy get off insulting the wave? This guy might as well be a communist as far as I'm concerned, because hating the wave is like hating America. You just don't do it, bottom line. I hope this guy gets waved on every time he goes to a game, just wave hitting him in the face everywhere.

Sucker Free Sunday: Week 9 LOCKS

Fuck this shit. I'm sick of this crap that's been going on the last couple weeks. Jaguars thinking they can even compete with the Ravens, shit is fucking sickening. Enough of this shit. I'm going 3-0 this week like a motherfucker. Let's go.

NY Giants +9 - Like I mentioned earlier - the Giants are a bad matchup for the Patriots. I don't like Brady and his nonchalant style in the pocket against this pass rush. That said, it could be one of two games. The Patriots come out and rip through the Giants poor rushing defense with another guy no one has heard of, or they try to shoot it out. Unfortunately for Brady, he's not playing Mark Sanchez this week, he's playing fellow MVP candidate Eli Manning and he's throwing against your 32nd ranked pass defense. I would love for this game to turn into a shootout, if it does, Giants should hang and stay close and possibly steal the game in Foxboro.

San Francisco -3.5 - I don't know if anyone knows this.... But I love Patrick Willis, which means I love San Francisco. I also hate the Redskins. John Beck vs. Patrick Willis? Yeah right. Like that's a question. Cannot believe this is only a 3 point spread. I'm all over SF here, their defense will put up more points than the Redskins offense.

Cincinnati +3 - I feel like I say this every week about the Bengals but here it goes again.... I don't get this spread. I guess the Titans are okay, but really? Chris Johnson even playing? Believe it or not, the Bengals own the 4th ranked overall defense. 2nd in the NFL against the run. Good luck getting back on track this week CJ. I love the combination of Andy Dalton to AJ Green, they look like they've been playing together for years. I like the matchup for the Bengals, they should win this game straight up.

2011 Record 13-9-2 (WC; 2-6)


Wild Card picks which I'm obviously awful at, record is 2-6 since starting these.... I don't know why I'm even still doing it, but here we go - two more games:

St. Louis +3 - Arizona is starting John Skelton.... From Fordham.... Whatever, they just shouldn't beat anyone with Skelton on the field - that is if the Earth is still spinning on its axis and everything made sense.

Baltimore +3 - I've been arguing constantly with Galt about this all week, I just can't see his reasoning how Pittsburgh has such a good chance to win this game. Baltimore has the #1 defense in the NFL and already bent the Steelers over 35-7 earlier this year. I love the Ravens in this game, I think they're a better team. Even if they haven't been playing well on the road, I don't care - shit like that doesn't matter when these two teams play each other. I expect it to stay close.

Sucker Free Sunday: Week 3 LOCKS

The kid is fire so far to open the season goin' all Mary J on 'em with the 4-1-1 record.

Let's get right to it:

San Francisco +2.5 - Really? Underdogs to Cincinnati? You would pick ginger Andy Dalton over Patrick Willis? Yeah fuckin' right. Cincinnati has no shot in this game, San Fran's D is too good for them and Andy Dalton is not prepared to look at this guy all day, zero shot. He'll piss his pants more times than they'll score.

Atlanta +1.5 - This is another one, how's this even possible? I'm putting $100 on this game, there's no way Atlanta loses. You just came off a game where your QB torched the "dream team" defense for a career high 4 TD's and Michael Turner looking like his old self again. Really think Tampa is going to put up much of a fight? The Bucs have the 31st ranked rushing defense, giving up an average of 156 yards a game. Fuck it, might put $200 on this.

Green Bay -3.5 - I think Chicago is the most over hyped team on earth. They fluked it to the NFC Championship game last year and then their quarterback faked an injury because he didn't feel like going to the Super Bowl. Green Bay went and they won, and until someone beats them - I pick them to win each week - and they win this one by at least 10. Because their quarterback isn't a pussy.

Week 1: Stone Cold Locks

Quarterback is the most important position in all of team sports, and I encourage anyone to debate me on that statement. If your quarterback is bad, your team will not be good. Guaranteed. My stone cold locks of the week are wagers against terrible quarterbacks: Alex Smith, Cam Newton (might turn out to be good eventually but right now, he's not), and Luke McCown. At any point, these three can turn a victory into defeat, and I eagerly anticipate rooting against them.

Seahawks +5 - The 49ers are an awful team. I'm about 78% sure they tank the season in hopes of getting Andrew Luck in next year's draft, reuniting him with his college coach Jim Harbaugh. With the talent they have right now, they should not be favored against any team in the league aside from the Panthers. Take the points, and thank me later.

Ricky's Take: I actually like the 49ers, maybe not to win the Super Bowl, but I think they're in contention to win their division (so is the JV team from my town). But if we're going to talk about QB being an important position, Seattle is in the same boat as the 49ers. Tavaris Jackson? What's he going to do without Adrian Peterson? And Sydney Rice not able to play this week? I also love San Fran's defense, think they have a much more solid running game. I just don't see this as a LOCK, I like SF to win.


Pick-6 specialist, Alex Smith

Cardinals -7 - The Kevin Kolb era starts with a bang against a team that will be lucky to win three games this year. Am I the biggest Kolb fan? No, but he's a major upgrade over the triumvarate of crap that spewed under center last season. No one will be clamoring for the Hall-Skelton-Anderson platoon any time soon...except maybe 49ers fans once they watch Alex Smith for a few weeks.

Ricky's Take: I agree. I like the fact we have three different choices, but this could've been one for me also. Carolina resigned their entire team this offseason for about $490 million dollars so they're pretty much screwed since they're still in the same spot as they were as the 2-14 team last year. Arizona got better, and they still have Larry Fitzgerald, game over.

Titans +1.5 - Releasing your starting quarterback four days before Week 1 makes less sense than me trying to make it as a model: none. (And you are welcome for that terrible image you now have in your head.) Luke McCown has thrown nine touchdown passes in seven seasons. Yup, you are in safe hands Jacksonville. Tennessee actually has a decent quarterback this year too, and they broke the bank to get Chris Johnson signed. If this game was being played in Nashville, the Titans would be favored without a doubt. Their is no home-field advantage when your stadium isn't close to being sold out. I trust in Matt Hasselbeck and the Titans.

Ricky's Take: Kind of can't believe the Titans are underdogs in this game, kind of wish I took this one. Chris Johnson will have a monster day, Hasselbeck will manage a good game. I do like MJD and the chip on his mini shoulder, but that won't be enough to win this game. Titans win by a TD or more.


Ricky Agrees: 2 out of 3