It's Official. Jessica Burciaga Has Moved From 1A To Undisputed Number 1 Over Arianny Celeste In The "Girls I'd Marry With Zero Prerequisite Of Ever Speaking To Or Getting To Know Them" Poll

So the one girl I've ever seen who could challenge Arianny Celeste in this ultra exclusive poll has been Jessica Burciaga. Well the last few days she's pretty much copied the NY Giants blueprint and has caught absolute fucking fire at the right time. Just stepping her game up when it matters the most. She's been Instagraming straight sex since literally the second I got my iPhone Saturday and whoever thinks that's a coincidence is absolutely nuts. This couldn't be more of a Giants/Packers scenario, sure her and Arianny have played each other close in the poll over the last year, but head to head this week it was a fucking blowout. Her little Instagram blitz changed the game - your move Arianny, good luck and all - but I don't think you can recover from this.

Click for more of this weeks Instagrams and Twitter shots:

Some No Name MMA Guy Takes Little Boy Approach At Arianny Celeste

Las Vegas Weekly - Who are you pulling for in the Ring Girl of the year category?

"We only had one and that was Chandella [Powell]. The other was the IQ card girl. Arianny [Celeste] kind of walks around and holds up her latest test score. One time when there was a title fight, she got all the way up to five and we were very proud of her."

This move is so obvious it's embarrassing. There's only two possible reasons this nobody went out of his way to say something like that about Arianny. One: The classic approach every first grader uses to get a girls attention when he's in love with them, just make fun of them until they cry. Or Two: He stumbled up to her drunk at one of these Vegas parties and she shut him down and embarrassed him in front of everyone. Or both.

Frankly it doesn't even matter, this guy is outside of his mind for ever saying that shit in the first place. Two reasons. One: Now everyone thinks he's a gayball. Two: Every guy knows you WANT girls to be dumb as a rock. I mean for what reason would you need them to count to 5 for? No way you ever say "Hey toots, go get me 7 beers from the fridge", that's just irresponsible because no way they will stay cold outside of the fridge by the time you get to number 6. Fact. Nor do we say "Hey sugartits, go make me a sandwich multiplied by 80 divided by 40" no, you say "Go make me two sandwiches." Now if you add the words "STAT", "pronto" or "on the double" that's on you, you're gonna have to deal with the 3 and 3/8th sandwiches she comes back with.

Who's Boobies?!