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Saturday, December 31, 2011

Week 17 Picks: 0-for-the 2nd Half of the Season (@mspici)

Jets +3

Titans -2

Ravens -1.5

Record: 19-25-4

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Nice Life


I used this fork for four bites. Then I threw it out. That's how much this fork sucked at its job. Just couldn't handle being used on food. So I got thinking, how much time did it take to go through the process of making the fork, packing the fork, shipping the fork, then waiting for the pack of forks this fork was in to be finally opened by the vendor and put on the counter, then waiting as his fork friends were picked up and put into bags to fulfill their dreams, then finally getting picked to be put in my bag and used by ME - the lover of all plastic utensils! He went to the guy who when he's at home refuses regular silverware just to use plastic because it doesn't make that scratchy noise on the plate and doesn't hurt when it accidentally hits my teeth, couldn't of been a better situation for this fork.... But it couldn't handle it. All the time spent waiting and waiting to be used, and it got through four bites. And because I'm straight and symmetrical like a boss I can only do things in even numbers, so he's lucky he got to four, because he should've been tossed at three. Must've taken months to finally get called upon, then four bites later he's in the trash. Pretty sad.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Response to Swag’s Predictions

-These have to be the most boring Eastern Conference predictions of all time. You have all eight teams that made the playoffs last year making it again, and in almost the identical order. Creativity is way down.

-Miami vs Oklahoma City? Every major sports site has made that same prediction (which means it won’t be right but that’s another story). I would like someone to explain why it’s assumed the Thunder are going to the Finals. KD and Westbrook are superstars, but look at the Western Conference, and other leading contenders have two superstars: Pau / Kobe, Griffin / Paul, Manu / Duncan (he’s old but still great).  Their coach looks like an idiot and judging by what people say about him, that seems pretty accurate. They have a bunch of role players (Harden, Ibaka, Perkins, Sefolosha) that don’t scare anyone on offense. They are good, but I don’t know why everyone is handing them the West.

-I really like the “honorable mention” part.  Of the 15 teams in the Western Conference, you identified 11 that could make the playoffs. I think you should have included the other four teams too so you can say you were right no matter who the eight playoff teams are.  In total, you think 21 of the 30 teams could make the playoffs this year. Really going out on a limb there.

-I did not forget about Orlando being in the NBA. I don’t think their team is good, and my guess was that Dwight Howard gets traded to the JayZ’s.

-The Nuggets: I’m looking forward to watching this team. I think they are the best team in the West, and you don’t think they’ll even make the playoffs (you do have them in one of the honorable mention slots). Nene will hold down the fort at Center. The PG combo of Lawson and Andre Miller will be great. Danilo fits in perfectly on the run’n’gun squad. Afflalo plays lockdown D and hits open shots. They go at least 10 deep, and Timo Mozgov is a fine backup center. The fact that Kosta Koufos is getting some burn does have me concerned, but I did not foresee that before the season started.

-The Pacers: Indiana has very solid players at every position: PG (Collison), SG (George who is a 6’10 stud), SF (Granger), PF (West), and C (Hibbert) before you factor in the bench (Hansborough, Hill, Foster). Plus, they still have money to spend so they might be able to pick up another piece at the deadline.

Editors Note: Didn't feel like putting up another post just to blast the other guys picks and make fun of him because I realized my picks were made in dreamland and his were based in the real world. But hey my bad about the Honorable Mention part - I thought those were the teams that could scratch, claw and fight for that 8th spot, that's why I had the Nuggets there. If I knew it was a big joke I would've put them first too. Not my problem the NBA has 92% of the league make the playoffs.

NBA (Pre?)Season Predictions

So Mike decided to post his season prediction/preview on his own site and not this one which is kind of weird considering all we do is basically bullshit about sports like we know what we're talking about, and since he went 0 for the second half of the NFL season on picks I figure his predictions would fit right in here, but I guess I'll go at it alone.... And unlike Mike and his huge balls for picking the Nuggets first in the West, I'm not doing that.

Eastern Conference (Mike's picks in italic and parenthesis)

1) Chicago (Miami)
2) Miami (Indiana)
3) New York (New York)
4) Boston (Chicago)
5) Orlando (Boston)
6) Atlanta (Philly)
7) Philadelphia (Atlanta)
8) Indiana (New Jersey)

Honorable Mentions: Milwaukee, New Jersey

Western Conference

1) Oklahoma City (Denver)
2) Dallas (LA Clippers)
3) LA Clippers (Dallas)
4) LA Lakers (Oklahoma City)
5) San Antonio (Memphis)
6) Portland (San Antonio)
7) Memphis (LA Lakers)
8) New Orleans (Portland)

Honorable Mentions: Denver, Golden State, Minnesota

NBA Finals: Oklahoma City over Miami (KD vs. LB wow - 99% wishful thinking, 1% is with the Knicks making it)

MVP: Carmello Anthony (New York)

ROY: Alec Burks (Utah)

Few things about this - myself and Mike obviously have different views on some teams, and I think that's the only way to look at it. There's a black and white side with no grey area when you look at some of the teams across the league, you're either on one side or the other.

People either think New Orleans is going to absolutely tank without CP3, or they're going to be alright with Eric Gordon and the crop of talent the Hornets got in return. I think they'll be alright, they weren't all that great to begin with but I can see them pushing for a playoff spot at the end of the season in like 2 weeks.

I personally don't think signing David West makes Indiana a top two seed in the east, no way that team goes from 37-45 to a 50 win team (project a regular 82 game schedule), I can't see him making much of a difference. I do like Roy Hibbert, but rumors are out that they're going to be shopping Granger by seasons end (or trade-deadline-end) - If that happens I think it would just paralyze the team for a few weeks adjusting to a new look, which they don't have time for this season.

The Denver finishing first in the Western Conference thing... Honestly have no clue why anyone likes this team. A third of their starting lineup was starting for the 2010 NY Knicks, but not the good ones. Gallinari is one of the streakiest players in the league, and Timofey Mozgov is still looking to reattach his balls after Blake Griffin stomped on them. Nene is solid, but getting older and if this is who they're relying on that's nuts. Afflalo is getting better but still, is this the guy that replaces Melo's scoring? Ty Lawson is a solid PG, but this team is a complete 180 from a year ago. If there are concerns the Knicks need time to gel, the concerns HAVE to be there for the Nuggets. JR Smith, Wilson Chandler and Kenyon Martin are in China and contractually unable to sign an NBA deal until their Chinese team finishes its season (earliest being Feb. 15th, latest March 28th). Good luck.

Orlando still plays in the Eastern Conference. They're making the playoffs. I'm not going to insult Mike, I just honestly think he forgot to put them there. Even if D12 gets moved, they have enough to survive the likes of Milwaukee and New Jersey. Unless he goes to New Jersey.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Week 16 Picks: Need to Go Undefeated to Finish Above .500 (@mspici)

Chargers +1
Cowboys -1
49ers -2

Record: 19-23-3

SUCKER FREE SUNDAY: WEEK 16 PICKS

Gotta do this fast because it's 12:45 and right now I have maybe 1 sure pick in my head, but I just thought of two more so here we go:

Philadelphia +1 - The team is hot right now, and with the Cowboys and Giants looking like pure shit, they actually might win the division when they win the next two games. Fuck it hurt to write that.

Denver -2.5 - Tebow isn't wearing sleeves in Buffalo, God's son doesn't lose.

San Diego +1.5 - Typical Chargers, making an inexplainable run to win the division. They need this game, Detroit is slipping, their defense can't match up with Rivers and V Jax when they're hot.

2011 Record: 22-18-2

WC Picks (Record: 9-11):

Seattle +1.5 - SF has nothing to play for at this point, Marshawn Lynch will get the first rushing TD against SF this year.

NY Giants +3 - Just praying for a shootout, really is the Giants only hope is if this game becomes a barnburner. They need to admit they're a passing first team this year, please just don't try and run/run/pass. Pass all day, Nicks needs to come up big on Revis.

Week 16 Picks by Johny Galt

Buff + 3

Detroit - 2

SF - 1.5

Merry Christmas. Happy Holidays

Record 20-11-2

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Meter Reader Who Found Casey Anthony's Baby Now Suing Casey Anthony


TMZ - The meter reader who found Caylee Anthony's remains has filed a lawsuit against Casey Anthony, claiming the freshly acquitted defendant defamed him by pointing the guilty finger in his direction. Roy Kronk alleges in his lawsuit ... Casey's lawyers acted as her agents when they went on a media blitz accusing him of doing in the toddler. Kronk points to various statements the lawyers made to reporters, including, "Roy Kronk is the Killer," "Roy Krong is a childsnatcher," and "Roy Kronk is guilty." Kronk -- who never got a retraction -- now wants punitive and other damages.

Kind of hard not to agree with Kronk here, mostly because it's as close of a name to Gronk as someone will ever get. I hope for nothing more than him channeling his inner Gronk and spiking his millions of dollars right in this sluts face when he wins. Take the 15 yards on the kickoff, it'll be worth it. Seriously how was she not guilty?

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

I Hope To God Jessica Burciaga Is Telling The Truth About Not Banging Kobe

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TotalProSports.com - Following the announcement that Kobe Bryant and his wife of 10-years, Vanessa, were filing for a divorce due to Kobe’s cheating tendencies, rumors have been swirling regarding who the Lakers’ superstar may have been sleeping with during his marriage.  The most recent name to come up in such discussions is former Playboy Playmate Jessica Burciaga. As you may have expected, Jessica has denied these rumors.  When confronted by a TMZ reporter while walking through the streets of LA last night, she responded to questions regarding her involvement with Kobe Bryant with two simple words: "Not I.” I’m still not sure whether I believe her denial, but if they haven’t already hooked up, I’m sure it won’t take Kobe much time to change that following his divorce.

Okay, I obviously have a little school boy crush on Jessica Burciaga, so thinking about the Black Mamba going to town on her just sucks. I hate that she's getting crazy pub now because of this, because she was perfect just how she had it. She wasn't Arianny Celeste territory with 80 thousand Twitter followers, she was hot enough to be known, but not big enough where she was too much celebrity. She had the balance, now people just know her as Kobe's slampiece and that shit sucks, balance is gone. TMZ hunting her down and shit, just ruins people. Interested to see where it goes from here, only positive that can come of this is a sex tape.... I can dream, right?

PS - Just checked her Twitter, swear that shit was at like 30,000 followers when I first started following her when I thought maybe one day we'd meet and she'd be swept off her feet by my charm and non-celebrity and her shit is at 111,000 followers. Fuck! I need a celebrity to have fake had sex with me, shit steps your game up to a whole nother level.

PPS - Sorry future wife(wives) you're getting cheated on 100 times out of 100, go ahead and try and blame me:


(More pics after the jump)

I Hate That I'm Posting This Video



Goddamn it I hate cats, but how can you not appreciate this video? Part of me thinks there was a dog that once ruled this house, and he did the same shit all the time but never needed the spotlight or camera time, just a humble dog doing his thing - then the cat killed him. Using all his tricks living in the lime light getting millions of YouTube hits taking all the credit.

PS - Two things I hate more in the world than cats and babies? Nothing.

Bus 62 Crushing It




Favorite part of this video besides the song is this lady just absolutely wearing it. Stranded with her car waiting for rescuers and this bus just plows right past her hitting her with a tsunami. This dude was just not going off schedule, the hurricane and flooding excuses are for lazy fat people. Bus 62 swag for days.

Chunk Gets His Parents To Redesign Their Home To Fit Santa's Fat Ass Down The Chimney


Reuters - A worried letter from six-year old Leo Park sparked a mammoth operation to test what is believed to be the world's first chimney specifically designed to accommodate Santa Claus. The little boy's parents are having a house custom built and when Leo viewed the plans he was concerned that the chimney wasn't big enough for Father Christmas and his famous belly that shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly. As he was penning his traditional letter to Santa, Leo decided to also write a heartfelt missive about the chimney design problem to Jeremy Paxton, who owns the estate on which the new house is being built. In childish scrawl the letter reads: "Dear Mr Paxton, I am worried that my mummy's house does not have a big enough chimney. I think Santa Claus will get stuck. Please can you help. Love Leo Park." Paxton, founder and owner of luxury holiday home development Lower Mill Estate in the southwestern English region of the Cotswolds decided to commission a special formula to satisfy Leo's concerns. Obviously size was the key consideration to ensure Santa won't get wedged tight on his way to stuffing the stockings and so Paxton enlisted a mathematician to take on the challenge and save the jolly old elf from turning red for the wrong reasons. The Santa-friendly formula looked at risk factors of chimney entry, the size of St Nick's girth versus the width of the chimney at its narrowest point. To test what they said was the perfect chimney, Paxton enlisted the help of a stand-in Santa Claus in full padded outfit, a crane, a harness and winch to put the new chimney through its paces. Leo was invited to watch as the great experiment got underway. "Go on Santa" he shouted out as the faux Father Christmas was lifted into the air towards the chimney. A few seconds later and Santa was successfully lowered into the chimney of the half-built house, re-emerging shortly after to deliver a hearty: "Ho Ho Ho." "I can guarantee that this chimney is big enough for Santa and all the presents," he told Leo. An excited Leo gave a thumbs up to the St. Nicholas impersonator and rushed to hug him. "I'm absolutely delighted not just that Santa fitted into the chimney, but that that little boy, Leo, said to me: 'That was the best day of my life' which made the whole thing worthwhile," said Paxton. The Park family won't be able to inhabit their new holiday home until next December, just in time to get the milk and biscuits ready for their very special Yuletide visitor.

Look at this fat little bastard with his thumbs up like a dickhead. Hey buddy, Santa might not come this year, looks like you've been a little naughty with your nutrition. Maybe take it easy on the milk and cookies because you won't be fitting down that chimney anytime soon if you keep it up. I thought all these idiots from the UK were skinny? Don't they just shit on the US for being fat and eating all this crap and how all they do is drink tea and eat crackers and shit? Well take a look in the mirror you smug assholes - your kids are fat. And they still believe in Santa at 6 years old. This kid still in diapers, too? How about these fucking parents, huh? Oh sure son, we'll remodel our entire house so you can keep up this fantasy that some fat guy in a red suit flies around the world in 20 minutes and gives gifts to everyone on earth except people in North Korea. Kid was just set up for failure in life, thinking all he has to do is write a letter about how sad he'll be when a fictional character can't fit down a hypothetical chimney, it's okay though, everyone will stop what they're doing to make sure your fatso ass stays jolly.

Truck Driver Wins Lamborghini; Immediately Crashes It


Yahoo - Just a few hours after getting the keys to the V-12 powered Italian supercar named for a famed Spanish fighting bull, David Dopp took to the roads around his home in Santaquin, Utah. According to In Santaquin News, police were called about dusk after a witness spotted the all-wheel-drive Lambo bass-ackwards in a field, with skidmarks from where it left the road. Dopp -- who had apparently already taken one call from the local police about takin' it easy before going off-road -- says he was going about 40 mph to 50 mph on a 35-mph road when he hit a patch of what he called black ice or gravel. The police report says the car went over a curb, off the road and 75 feet into the field, calling the accident "speed related."

This reminds me of the time I went and borrowed my dad's golf clubs when he was at work, and right before I close the door behind me my mom screams out "DON'T BREAK THEM!" And I immediately shatter the head on his 3 wood in a freak accident at the driving range. Obviously my intention was to go hit golf balls, not other clubs lying in close proximity to the tee and breaking them. I think Davey Dopp can relate here, I mean obviously he wasn't trying to drive a Lamborghini around ice covered Utah wanting to crash it just hours after he got it, so for the cops to warn him to take it easy is just like telling a pitcher throwing a perfect game that he's only got 3 outs left and he's been pitching super great and if he doesn't fuck up at all he'll have a perfect game. It's like an automatic jinx. So really, I blame the cops here, not the asshole who was ripping around Iceland, Utah in a brand new $200,000 Lambo.

'Tis The Season To Be A Dickhead

You know how you become a dickhead during the holidays? By decorating your house like a dickhead. Shit really grinds my gears. If you're gonna decorate, do it right. None of this half ass nonsense. Here's my list of the top 5 dickhead Christmas decoration moves that have been committed within two blocks of my apartment:


1) Putting ornaments on a tree outside. What the hell is that? This tree has no business even being considered to be decorated, and you put ornaments on it? We're outside, ornaments go on the tree inside, just a dickhead move across the board.


2) This one has a plethora of issues, this is an absolute clusterfuck of decorations. My main problem besides absolutely everything not matching is the over-run. Left window, what is going on there? We didn't want to take that around the bottom of the window? Just let it run off to the left onto a fence for 3 feet? There's a-whole-nother half of this house that might be worse, but this is just atrocious. Taking whatever lights they have and throwing them on the first thing they see. Look at that tree. Half and half lights? Tree looks retarded.


3) Here we go, might be my number one pet peeve of all time.... Inflatable decorations. What a disaster. Small lights mixed with big lights, an inflatable white trash Santa, and the over-run from the top window with lights just spilling everywhere then making a 90 degree turn. Blue lights, too - there's definitely some sort of wanted fugitive living here.


4) Sweet wire lights, bro. We trying to land a 747 into your living room? What's with the red, white and blue door decoration? July 4th in the middle of winter? Get real. This house also had music going through that nuclear lit snowman that would do nothing but make me vandalize the shit out of this house if I was their neighbor.


5) Putting your lights on a tree like this is just slapping Christmas right in the face. This is like F- effort. I'm surprised they even untangled the lights to put them on and they didn't just plug them in and throw a ball of wire in there. If I'm this tree, I'm pissed. This tree is perfect for lights unlike example 1, it deserves to be wrapped generously round and round and be lit for all the world to enjoy. This just cuts deep to see a tree so defenseless from asshole light hangers.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

If Rex Ryan Is Right I Guess The Entire United States Is Wrong


Even if a Jets fan uses the "Well more Giants fans voted wahhhh" excuse, just proves we have better fans.

Rex Ryan Says Jets Are Not The Giants Little Brother. Yawn.

ESPN - Probably trying to divert attention away from his team's awful loss in Philadelphia, New York Jets coach Rex Ryan reached back for some vintage bluster Monday, firing the first shots in this week's Battle of New York. "Quite honestly, I never came here to be little brother to anybody," said Ryan, using a variation of his famous line from 2009 about refusing to kiss Bill Belichick's Super Bowl rings. "I recognize they're an excellent football team," he said, "but I think we're better." The Jets (8-6) didn't resemble anything close to a good football team in their 45-19 loss to the Eagles, but they almost certainly will claim the final wild-card spot in the AFC if they finish with two wins. The Giants (7-7), coming off an ugly loss to the Washington Redskins, are desperate, too, but they win the NFC East with two wins. It sets the stage for the most meaningful regular-season game in the history of the Jets-Giants rivalry, which began in 1970. The teams have met 11 times, with the Giants having won the last four to take a 7-4 advantage.

You know what I think of when I think of a "little brother"? Someone who hasn't gotten laid yet. Your older brother has been swimming in pussy for years trying to teach you along the way, but you can't get past the sniffin' butt stage. Sure you've had some make outs and maybe once or twice you thought you'd seal the deal but last second the girl said "No, you're too ugly" and left you blue balling it up in the back seat. That'd probably be the Jets in the AFC Championship games they love to talk about as if they were Super Bowls. Well the Giants have Conference Championships, but they were never satisfied with those. They actually made it to Super Bowls and won them. When you walk into MetLife Stadium, only one team there has trophies to show off, well I guess the Jets have one, but no one notices the one covered in 42 years worth of dust. The other three are much prettier to look at, especially the most recent. Beating the team no one else in the league could, even when the Jets had 2 shots at them. But we shouldn't talk about the past right? Because Jets fans don't wanna hear about the past, even though they'll immediately jerk off about the two AFC Championship games they lost. But whatever, we'll find out Saturday which shittier 2011 squad is not as shitty - say or feel whatever you want about this game, but make no mistake about it, both these teams suck right now and it's a travesty either one still has a chance to make the playoffs.

BURGER HEAVEN!


Serious Eats - After announcing the location a year ago, Shake Shack is finally opening their first Brooklyn location in the Fulton Mall tomorrow, December 20, at 409 Fulton Street. There will be a ribbon cutting ceremony at 11 am with Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg and Brooklyn Borough President Marty Markowitz.

NY Eater - The plywood's down, the griddles are fired up, and Shake Shack Brooklyn is just about ready to go. The Fulton Street location of Danny Meyer's beloved burger chain is set to open tomorrow, with a huge dining room (the biggest in NYC), plenty of windows looking out onto DoBro, and a few new dishes — including one secret off-the-menu snack.




So we had Smashburger open in June a block away on Dekalb, then a Five Guys opened this past Friday literally right across the street - and now a motherfuckin' Shake Shack is opening up today. This news is so big the goddamn Mayor is cutting the ribbon to officially open it up, sick shit. So I now have 3 of the top 3 burger places of all-time within an average of .21 miles of my office aka I'm gaining weight.

PS - All you Manhattan losers how's it feel we get a secret off the menu snack?! HA! Suckers.

Monday, December 19, 2011

For The Record...

Made my picks in the parking lot of Giants Stadium MetLife Stadium yesterday because I forgot to post them before the weekend. Anyway I sent an email to Craig so it'd be on record, but without the fancy post with all the pictures and explanations here's what I picked:

Pittsburgh +3

Baltimore -1

New England -6.5


PS - Good game Baltimore.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Week 15 Picks by Johny Galt

Had a very vanilla 1-1-1 week last week.  How NE didn't cover against Wash still shocks me.  Anyway

Seattle +3.5 @ Bears

Seattle has been playing well, Bears are falling apart.  Look for Seattle to win this one outright.


NE -6.5 @ Denver

I picked against Tebow last week and barely scratched out a W.  Make no mistake, I like the guy and I'm impressed with his knack for winning.  But they haven't faced an offense nearly as good as this.  If the Patriots don't blow this team out I will be dumbfounded.


Jets +3 @ Philly

This completes my sweep of picking three road teams this week. Both teams need to win.  Shonn Green has started to get hot, and I think the Jets win this game outright as well.

Record: 18-10-2

Friday, December 16, 2011

Hockey Sucks - Having Said That, This Was Still Ridiculous


Respect, Patrick Kane, respect. I don't want to think I'm comparing him to Michael Jordan, but this is the type of shit he used to do when he would do clinics for little kids and shit. Just toying with them, doing shit he wouldn't ever do in a game because he knows he can get away with it and make them look stupid without really trying. Basically that's what Kane did here, looked like he was barely trying and took out a move he just fucks around with at practice and made that goalie his bitch. Seriously that was embarassing. Love how he regains complete control before firing it 100mph from point blank range right into the camera in the back of the net. Shit was awesome, but whatever hockey still sucks.


You know shit just got real when your own fans don't know what the fuck just happened.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Week 15 Picks: Is The Season Over Yet? (@mspici)

(Afraid to say anything)



Chiefs +15
Chargers +2.5
Broncos +7

Record: 17-22-3

BREAKING: Hipsters And Nerds Don't Like Facebook




Yahoo Finance - Erika Gable, 29, who lives in Brooklyn and does public relations for restaurants, never understood the appeal of Facebook in the first place. She says the daily chatter that flows through the site — updates about bad hair days and pictures from dinner — is virtual clutter she doesn’t need in her life. “If I want to see my fifth cousin’s second baby, I’ll call them,” she said with a laugh. Ms. Gable is not a Luddite. She has an iPhone and sometimes uses Twitter. But when it comes to creating a profile on the world’s biggest social network, her tolerance reaches its limits. “I remember having MySpace for a bit and always feeling so weird about seeing other people’s stuff all the time,” she said. “I’m not into it.” Will Brennan, a 26-year-old Brooklyn resident, said he had “heard too many horror stories” about the privacy pitfalls of Facebook. But he said friends are not always sympathetic to his anti-social-media stance. “I get asked to sign up at least twice a month,” said Mr. Brennan. “I get harangued for ruining their plans by not being on Facebook.” And whether there is haranguing involved or not, the rebels say their no-Facebook status tends to be a hot topic of conversation — much as a decision not to own a television might have been in an earlier media era.

Tyson Balcomb quit Facebook after a chance encounter on an elevator. He found himself standing next to a woman he had never met — yet through Facebook he knew what her older brother looked like, that she was from a tiny island off the coast of Washington and that she had recently visited the Space Needle in Seattle. “I knew all these things about her, but I’d never even talked to her,” said Mr. Balcomb, a pre-med student in Oregon who had some real-life friends in common with the woman. “At that point I thought, maybe this is a little unhealthy.”

You know what type of people who don't do anything that makes sense by purposely going against society and normalcy who wear fingerless arm gloves and don't shower for weeks and live in Brooklyn? Fucking hipsters. No shit you interviewed two people in their 20s from Brooklyn who think Facebook is dumb. Then you go and interview a pre-med student. Give me a break, who didn't know this already? Nerds and hipsters never fit into society, why would Facebook change that? Look Facebook is a billion dollar company and a huge historical footprint on our generation and all that, but even that can't change millions of years of weirdo DNA, weirdo's are gonna be weirdo's no matter what comes along. Sure we landed on the moon, but there's still weirdo's being weird. The Red Sox finally won a World Series? Holy shit! But there's still weirdo's being weirdo's around here. Monumental overacheivements and miracles and unexplainable events can't snap the hipsters out of it - if anything it makes shit worse. Just more things they're unimpressed by.

Meanwhile, this pre-med geek kidding me? You thought Facebook was the reason for that unhealthy feeling? No that's the feeling of you realizing you're stalking the SHIT out of a complete stranger because you drool over her every day you closet case serial rapist. Stop stalking Facebook profiles LIKE A CREEP and surf it on over to YouPorn, 10x less creepy and much more normal... Right?

"Do You Have Daddy Butter?"



So I came across this video yesterday and first thought was "Why am I still watching this? This is gonna suck...." Well I completely underestimated it, and I started crying I was laughing so hard. I'll say there are two things that make me cry laughing - 1) People falling unexpectedly because no matter what they are going to react like absolute crazy people and 2) People trying to genuinely hold back laughter - seriously might be the most underrated thing out there. When these guys flipped a page and read the shit the other guy put down it's no faking it that it was definitely the first time they saw it, there's no faking the shock that is written across their faces. "Oiling painting of circus clowns storming the beach at Normandy" has to be the best one hands down, it was like an entire sentence. You know he wrote that like "Yeah asshole, if you get this far no way you're getting past this one - no way an employee at Target is going to think they have this in stock" but BOOM they got that shit in sporting goods! Besides that one, here's my top 5:

1) Mormon disco ball
2) Left-handed washing glove
3) Fancy boy lip glitter
4) Pre-made toast
5) One of those TV's that doesn't have commercials on it

Basically the bald dude wrote the best list, but the guy reading it was the best reader. It was a perfect combination. It was too real not to laugh at, just everything going on in there - the fact the lady had absolutely every item on that list in stock except for Fancy Boy lip glitter. This really makes me want to do this in real life now, I need to find someone to do this with immediately.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Slow Your Roll Kimmy



Look if we can't agree on anything else, we've got to agree that Kim absolutely deserved to get owned here. What an asshole right? If I'm from Minnesota and I haven't killed myself yet I'd be pissed - like what a bitch, just talk about my hometown like it's some sort of freakshow place where all it does is snow and collapse domes and shit. If there weren't about 20 million other reasons she filed for divorce, this would be #1. How dare she live anywhere but LA or NYC. I think the fact they never lived together until they got married, and by living together I mean living in a hotel with her sisters family with her, is fucking insanity. But to not even discuss where they were going to live is a joke. By the way, Kim sweet 1950's outfit - way to make 30 years old look like 50 years old, not a good look bro - anyway - oh yeah and I always wear that when I'm just relaxing on my balcony talking about my future with my significant other, totally - anyway - who decides to just trash a guy because of where he's from and where he wants to live for 6 months out of the year? And he's probably right, they probably did talk about it but Kim was too busy staring at the 20 karat ring he handed his life savings over for and she missed the entire conversation. She's hot as shit but I hate her, like it's crazy someones personality can make someone this fucking good looking so fucking ugly. What a waste.

Goddamn Bears, Gotta Love 'Em



I know this may be old but apparently is picking up steam lately on YouTube. This little clip is awesome. It's to the point, like 3 seconds of pure joy.

Remember Steve Smith? Not Sure Think He Plays For The Eagles Well He's On IR Now



ESPN - The 2011 season has not gone exactly swimmingly for wide receiver Steve Smith. Prior to the campaign, he wasn't able to work out a mutually acceptable contract with the New York Giants, and instead wound up with the division rival Philadelphia Eagles. Once there, he's had trouble getting on the field, even as Jeremy Maclin and DeSean Jackson have been limited by health problems and other issues. Perhaps part of the reason for Smith's struggles is health-related as well, given that he was returning from microfracture surgery. In any event, Smith was placed on season-ending IR on Monday, according to an official team release. Given that he signed just a one-year deal, his time with the organization may be through.

Know who I don't feel sorry for? Steve Smith. If you were in NY, the place that cared so much about you, probably would've cared to treat your knee a little bit better. You were looked at as nothing but a roster spot in Philly, using you just to piss off the Giants, yet had no plans to actually use you on the field. Could've had all the Karako you could handle if you stayed in NY, but nope, just had to go and be a dick. I'll tell you what, if you think you're coming back to NY after this season - you might have a place on the team, but no fucking way is Karako gonna be coming to knock on your door. You're gonna have to BEG Karako to have you endorse them and their "Buy 1 Get 73 Free Of Equal Or Lesser Value" deals. Should never have walked out on a once in a lifetime endorsement like that, just because you were throwing little temper tantrums that the Giants didn't love you enough. Shame on you Steve, shame on you.

DO THE BOOTY WAVE!



I don't think there's enough of these overly sarcastic videos out there, we need some more in my opinion - anyway, I know they were trying to be funny and all that, and she was supposed to be terrible, but to feed into their point - I'm pretty sure if this girl really actually put this song and video out - it'd be number one in the nation in like 5 minutes. Minus the freeze frame of the video because the girl looks flat out heinous, she's otherwise pretty hot and could probably pull the booty wave off to the tune of a couple million before anyone realized the song was supposed to be a joke.

CHILLLSSSS!!!!! MOTHERFUCKIN' CHILLS!!!!!

                       




THE ROCK! TATUM! AND WAS THAT BRUCE FUCKING WILLIS?! CHILLS EVERYWHERE FOR THE WIN!! I'm going to see this movie 100 times and I didn't even see the first G.I. Joe because that shit looked STUPID! You put the motherfuckin' ROCK in a movie and I'm all in! You add my number 1 man crush of all-time Channing Tatum and we've got ourselves a BLOCKBUSTER folks!!!! What did that date say June of 2038??? Why is a movie trailer of this magnitude out so early?! I won't be able to hold it in much longer let alone June, I need a pre-release copy or one of those cool ones the critics get and shit and I'll need it by tomorrow, thanks.

PS - Who the hell was the girl in there? SMOKEBOMB!

Monday, December 12, 2011

Is This The Hottest Non-Porn Video/Weird Random Video Ever?




I'll be honest I have no idea how I even came across this video, but obviously I watched it - and it kind of did it for me? I always thought YouTube blocked anything remotely hot but maybe this isn't supposed to be hot and I'm a weirdo? Fuck it, everything about it worked for me so lets just let it be.

Talking Shit To Your Boyfriend In A Public Place Usually Never Ends Well (VIDEO)




Look I'm all for constructive criticism, but let's chill the fuck out honey. You wanna talk down to your man you do that shit at home. Maybe when he's actually in the middle of playing video games, not when you're both trying to buy a Christmas tree during a time of happiness and cheer. I mean it's gotta be your fault you're dating him, right? Who are you to get mad about how he handles his depression about getting laid off? Look I've been unemployed before and getting off your ass to find a job is NOT as easy as it sounds. "Swallow your pride and go apply at Starbucks"? That's probably exactly what he wants to hear from his mom, oh wait I mean his girlfriend. Oh yeah the "I hear they hire fucking losers" part could've probably been left out, that'll get you thrown into a tree 100 times out of 100.

Am I Good Or Am I Good?


YOU DAMN FUCKIN' RIGHT JPP! USE THAT FIELD GOAL POST ARM AND BLOCK THAT MOTHERFUCKIN' KICK!!! JPP FOR THE WIN!!

Seriously, am I good or am I good?

Say Hello To The Best Defensive End In The Game Everybody!









Did I or did I not say this guy was going to be the best defensive end in football within 3 years? Well I was wrong, because he'll be there much sooner. Granted I said that back in week 3, not knowing the guy who didn't start playing football until his senior year of high school and the guy who only played one year of Div. I football  would be this good this fast. He's absorbing everything he's learning at a much faster pace than anyone projected him to, and the results are nothing short of amazing. He's got 12.5 sacks right now, not bad for a guy who's playing on one of the leagues worst defenses statistically. The fact he's able to even get to the quarterback with a secondary that can't cover receivers for more than a split second shows how much of a force he's been. You can say that virtually none of the 12.5 sacks are "coverage" sacks. Another facet of his game that won't show up in the box score is his pursuit, and it was on full display last night. With Felix Jones ripping off 9 yard runs every other play, the Cowboys gave him the ball off right tackle toward the end of the first half.... In pursuit, JPP ran Jones down, made the open field tackle and also stripped him of the ball. Had the offense capitalized with a TD instead of a FG the play would've been much more publicized. It was a great hustle play, one of many plays JPP has made downfield this season. His motor has proven to be relentless, and that's why he's fast on his way to becoming the leagues most dominant defensive end player.

Feels Good To Be Back Home - First Place In The NFC East


DO IT ELI! Guy is a fucking boss. After Dez Bryant caught that TD it was easy to think this game was over, thought crossed my mind... But Eli was on point last night, minus the fact he can't set up a screen pass for the fucking life of him, I believed he'd make it interesting... See he has this weird thing, if they NEED to score a touchdown, he'll put them in a spot to do it. If they're up by 10 or just trying to keep possession to win a game, he is awful. He needs to be aggressive and off the leash, and the situation last night called for it and he delivered. Again. He finally started using Victor Cruz even after he dropped wide open passes in the first half, and it helped them move the ball in the middle of the field. Jake Ballard became huge in the fourth quarter again, making big time catches and slowly but surely running real crisp routes. Hakeem Nicks.... What else can you say about this guy? Every single week shows how he's one of the all around top WR's in the game - his route running is near perfect, his hands are huge, his footwork along the sideline is insane, and his mind game with Eli is perfect. The chemistry between the two is crazy, and came into play on a couple occasions last night when the Cowboys broke coverage. Mario Manningham.... Guy needs to buy another pair of hands. I'm actually happy he dropped the potential game winning touchdown, because it was definitely too early to score - but minus the long wide open busted coverage touchdown, he looked pretty bad last night. Sure, he's playing hurt, but since he came into the league he's had a bad habit of bobbling every pass thrown to him and last nights drop could've ended the Giants season had they not scored.

Defensively there's not much positive to say other than JASON-PIERRE-FUCKIN'-PAUL! 12.5 sacks including his first career safety last night. This guy is an absolute monster and has been bringing it every single game this season. He'll definitely be making a trip to Hawaii at the end of the year. Guy made the play of the game, and really only defensive play of the game, blocking the potential game tying kick and winning the game for the Giants.

Let's just get this out there because it's pretty obvious but I want to vent about it. I fucking hate Aaron Ross and he fucking sucks. Has there ever been a worse 1st round pick that hasn't lived up to his potential yet still plays? Besides David Carr, who's also on the Giants? Watching the last Cowboys drive I say to Craig: I'm watching Miles Austin right now because it's nuts that they have Aaron Ross on him. Who makes 2 huge catches to put the Cowboys in FG range? Miles Austin, with absolutely no defensive struggle from Aaron Ross. Guy is brutal in coverage and he's afraid to tackle people. He literally offers nothing to the defense at this point.. Love to see him cut but with the injuries it's impossible to let anyone go at this point.

Tony Romo might have thrown 4 TD's last night, but talk about NOT clutch - this guy and all the not clutch hype is completely warranted. He had ample opportunities to put the Giants away and he couldn't do it. The 3rd and 5 play when Miles Austin literally ran right past Aaron Ross on a Giants all out blitz, he was wide open with NOTHING around him and Romo overthrew him. Just make that play and the Giants season is literally over and you have a clear path to the division title.... Too much for Romo to handle and he flat out missed him. Cowboys punt, Giants score, game over.


Huge win, Giants now control their own destiny which is scary as fuck. I'll be at the game next week which just became a lot more interesting. Giants need this win against a scary Redskins team, and they'll already know what the Cowboys did since they play @ Tampa Bay on Saturday night. Giants are 2-2 in the division and will need this win because they need all tie-breakers they can get. Eagles still mathematically alive which really pisses me off, they win out and the Giants and Cowboys lose a game, they'll win the division. What happened to the NFC East?

PS - Can't wait for this team to be at full strength next year, they're going to be fucking SCARY!

Sunday, December 11, 2011

GRONK!!!!


Fucking GRONK! Why Brady attempts to throw to Underwood and Welker in the red zone is beyond me. You know you're going to Gronk, I know you're going to Gronk, they know you're going to Gronk, just do it. This guy is a fucking BEAST! I drafted him with the last pick in the 7th round and was told it was "worst pick in the draft" at that point. Yeah, 30 points today and it was an average game for my man here. Guy is just fucking dominating with no signs of slowing up.

What The Hell Was That?


How embarrassing is this to watch? Like my entire face turned red when he made contact with that ball. I think his body language says it all. If you guys can't read body language it says "35-10? Fuck this shit I'm out."

SUCKER Free Sunday: Week 14 LOCKS

Here we go, continuing to rack up W's, going to continue to do it with these picks:




New England -7 - Really? Give me a break.




New Orleans -3 - In the Saints 9 wins, the average margin of victory is 16.4 points. I expect them to win this game, I expect them to cover 3 points.




Carolina +3 - Another week, another pick of Carolina aka I'm picking Cam Newton. At home against one of the most overrated teams in the NFL over the last two years. Newton extends his NFL record for rushing TD by a QB and probably ends up leading the league when all is said and done.

2011 record: 21-16-2 (WC 7-11)

Wild Card Picks


NY Giants +4.5 - Giants have won both games they've playing in Jerry Jones Asshole Stadium, they NEED to win this game if they want to have any shot of getting into the playoffs, I think Tony Romo might get knocked out of this game, too.

Minnesota +10.5 - Just heard AP is out and Ponder is in, not happy about that - would rather AP in and Ponder out so Joe Webb would start, that would create a nightmare matchup for Detroit. Detroit has been so shitty lately I just can't see them cleaning it up enough in one week (without a starting RB) to be favored by 10.5 points.

Week 14 Picks by Johny Galt

Another 3-0 week last week.  I can't win in fantasy (note to future self, don't trade Arian Foster), but I've been pretty hot with my picks.  Let's let it ride here.  Three road teams.  Hooah.

Patriots - 7 @ Washington

Just can't see this game being competitive in any way.  Redskins have no answers for anything the Patriots have to offer.  They have nothing to play for, not even the spoiler role.  Plus, everyone knows road favorites are the way to go.


Chicago +3.5 @ Denver

Tebow has continued to find ways to win.  Hard to pick against the guy, seems like his raw willpower keeps carrying the Broncos to victory.  But I'm going to do it.  This defense will be the toughest challenge for Tebow so far, and Marion Barber has looked good in limited time on the field.  What is the over under for this game?  Take the under


SF -3.5 @ Arizona

SF may be resting or otherwise conserving their offensive players for the playoffs already, but they won't be resting the defense.  I've picked both SF and Arizona several times this year.  This week, I'm sticking with the Niners.

Record: 17-9-1 

The Hebrew Hammer Caught Juicing




ESPN - Earlier that spring, after Alex Rodriguez was exposed for using steroids, Braun spoke to MLB.com about the "mistakes" made by the superstar. Braun said he met Rodriguez in 2001 during a recruiting trip to the University of Miami. Asked if he were surprised that Rodriguez had been exposed as a steroid user, Braun was quoted saying, "I don't know if I would say I was surprised. I feel like it was so rampant, so prevalent, in baseball during that time period that not much surprises me anymore. If anything, I was surprised he got caught, that it came out this long after he supposedly did it." On whether he had ever been tempted to try performance-enhancing drugs, Braun said, "It's never something that I sought." MLB.com wrote that Braun then showed "a flash of his sense of humor and his well-documented self-confidence" by adding, "I would never do it because if I took steroids, I would hit 60 or 70 home runs." Braun was speaking to the website prior to the news conference at which Rodriguez admitted his use. "... The best thing he can do is come out, admit to everything and be completely honest," Braun said. "The situation will die a lot faster if he tells the whole truth." Since breaking into the majors in 2007 at 23, Braun has emerged as one of the sport's top young players. He won the NL Rookie of the Year in 2007 and was an All-Star each of the past four seasons. In his rookie season, Braun hit 34 homers and drove in 97 runs, while amassing a .634 slugging percentage in just 113 games. He had 37 home runs and 106 RBI the following year, then saw his power numbers decline modestly over the next two seasons. He still hit 25 home run runs and had a .501 slugging percentage in 2010. In April, Braun signed a five-year contract extension worth $105 million. He then went out and had his best season ever, carrying the Brewers to their first division title in nearly three decades. He led the league in slugging percentage at .597, with a .332 batting average, 33 home runs, 111 runs batted in, 109 runs scored and 33 stolen bases.

Well here's a surprise. Look everyone in the Major Leagues is juicing, who cares? Best thing Braun can do here is admit he did it. Listen to your own condescending high horse advice and tell the truth. Guy has been denying it since he was caught, just a bad strategy if you ask me. I happened to play against Braun in college, and if there was someone juicing in college - I mean c'mon. I actually thought the entire Miami roster was on the sauce, but looking back we were just THAT bad. But the balls he would hit, AS A FRESHMAN, were fucking LAZERS. Our third baseman basically played a shallow left field for the entire series. He actually homered to left center in one instance, they bat around to get to him again, and he hits a fucking moonshot to left that goes foul by maybe half a foot. Dude almost went yack twice in one inning on us. He was a monster, and he wasn't done with his first season of college ball. I could say that he effectively ruined any hope I had of continuing my baseball career, witnessing someone that far advanced. It didn't make me want to work harder, it actually depressed me enough to know I couldn't get to that level. So basically him doing steroids crushed my hopes and dreams, maybe I can sue him for psychologically ruining my future? I mean he still gets paid that $105M extension, so why not right?

So much for that 60 to 70 home runs though, geez. Way to totally overshoot your projections Yahoo, maybe tone it down and this wouldn't look so bad. You hit 33 on the sauce. Shit so if he doesn't juice what does he have in him, 16? 17 HR's? Seriously how do you say all that shit and at the same time you're pulling a syringe our of your ass? What kind of balls does that take? Just completely judging another major leaguer and making him out to be an asshole yet you're doing the same shit yourself? Not a good look bro.

PS - When are they just going to legalize steroids? Honestly. Fuck it, all drugs. Look I'm not a druggy, I don't like them, just not my bag rather just stick to getting drunk and forgetting the dumb shit I did the night before, but this whole hiding it thing is tired. Just legalize it and less people would do the shit, it's the whole rebel thing. That's the only reason people do it, because they're not supposed to. "Oh wahhh daddy hates me, I'm gonna go blow lines until he buys me my BMW for my sweet 16 to show me he cares WAHHHH!!"

Friday, December 9, 2011

Welcome To NY!


Shit, this is a relief. Sitting here all day yesterday thinking this was a done deal and he still hasn't signed yet. Well fuck all that noise, dude is signed sealed delivered up in this bitch. Peace out Billups, it's been real, now you can go back to Denver and stop crying about how your family had to move last season. Suck it up dude, you make $14M dollars a year. So shit is going to be wild watching the Knicks this year, this fucking guy plays defense. I honestly don't even know what that looks like. With Billups gone, PG becomes an issue because Tony Douglas isn't ready to be a full time starter yet - but looks like the Knicks have plans to scoop up B Diddy! Dude is a boss, and it'd be funny to see another player leave Cleveland so that's pretty much a bonus. Say that deal happens, the lineup is looking pretty nice right now:

PG - Baron Davis
SG - Landry Fields
SF - Carmello Anthony
PF - Amar'e Stoudemire
C   - Tyson Chandler

That's a pretty formidable little starting lineup there. I love Douglas off the bench, and the rookie Shumpert let's not forget about him. Dude has bunnies and can play fucking defense too, shit is wild!

Khloe Kardashian Traded I mean Lamar Odom Traded But Wait No He's Not


Huffington Post - Odom, whose in-season base would have been in Louisiana, would obviously have gotten less face time in "Keeping Up With The Kardashians," the family's flagship show on the cable network. It also would have ended -- or at least entirely changed -- the couple's spinoff show, "Khloe and Lamar," which has been renewed for another season. Instead of having the show take place at their home in Los Angeles, it could have taken place in New Orleans, or been some sort of travel series -- Khloe visiting Lamar in New Orleans and joining on road trips. After all, earlier in the night, Khloe tweeted, "Not at all! I would go anywhere with my hubby!" in response to a fan's tweet suggesting that she must have been scared about Odom going to New Orleans. She then wrote, "I can survive anywhere... People are acting cray! LOL New Orleans is a great place. As long as I'm with Lam I'm good #bible." Still, while the move to New Orleans may not have gone down, it doesn't seem like Odom is quite happy playing in LA; earlier Thursday, he tweeted, "When a team trades u and it doesn't go down? Now what?" Indeed, now what is the question -- both for the Odom's career, as well as the Kardashians' TV empire.

I've never seen someone get absolutely MURDERED on Twitter like Khloe Kardashian last night. Just straight curb stomped all over Twitter. Basically everyone reporting how the Amazon Kardashian was going to play the 4 for the New Orleans Hornets. She'd fit in nicely between Lamar and Emeka Okafor,  honestly would've been a steal if the NBA didn't block the trade. But they inexplicably did block the trade, so everyone has to go back to their normal lives. Well.... This is awkward. What do you think opening day at training camp will be like in LA today? Lamar just shows up like he wasn't traded 14 hours ago? Like his wife isn't huge and annoying as fuck? Does he just act normal like his life is normal and not completely scripted? Like his wife was never an NBA slam piece? Looking at you Rashad McCants. All I know is, practice should be extremely awkward today.

Brandon Roy Retiring At 27 With Bad Knees



Yo what the fuck is in the water up there in Portland?? Greg Oden Mr. Glass is like 99 years old, Brandon Roy apparently can't walk anymore and needs to retire and he's like 19 years old. Seriously who gives a shit about this but Joel Przybilla is someone the Blazers have tried very hard to get back over the last week and there's this tweet about him: "Blazers showing serious interest in Przybilla, but early indications are he is leaning toward retirement. Loves being a dad." Like when a free agent tells you he'd rather be a dad than play in the NBA that's like a girl saying "Ahhhhh I can't tonight, or tomorrow - or pretty much this month it's just a busy time for me". I mean I've never heard that but people have told me that happens and shit I guess. But seriously how much can your franchise suck since you drafted Sam Bowie instead of Michael Jordan? Like him beating you in the Finals like 9 times and watching his career play out to winning a billion championships wasn't bad enough - but 10 years since he's played and your team is still ravaged with awful luck? That fucking SUCKS. I can't believe the Sonics had to move from Seattle and Portland still has the Trailblazers. This franchise is an absolute JOKE. How does the city of Portland support a professional franchise?! Fuck this, pack up their shit and move them to Las Vegas, boom problem solved.

PS - Seriously this sucks for Roy, he seems like a good guy and he was a great player, just awful luck for him. Over/under 1 week until Oden announces the same thing. "Ohhhh shit, degenerative knees is a thing? Yeah I got that."

NBA Frenzy


I'm so dizzy from what's going on right now I don't even know where to start. All I know is Dan Gilbert is still whining like a little pussy that LeBron left the Cavs and is now just trying to ruin everyone elses team since his is in shambles. It's pretty pathetic actually. Fact he went out of his way to email David Stern, but the fact David Stern listened and vetoed the CP3 trade is such a joke. If we understand the business side of this shit, it makes sense knowing that the Hornets are owned by the league. If something doesn't fit perfect, the league is going to step in. It's horseshit, but that's life in the NBA.

On the other side, we have Dwight Howard, who at any moment will become a New Jersey/Brooklyn Net. I for one am fucking extatic about this. The Nets are giving up Brooke Lopez and two 1st rounders to get Dwight Howard and Hedo Turkoglu. That makes the Nets big time players for an NBA Championship RIGHT NOW. Deron Williams, Turkoglu and Dwight Howard, pretty much don't need anyone else on the floor. They have dumb amounts of playoff experience, and their new arena is literally being built a block from my office and I cannot fucking wait to go to these games. Still a Knicks fan though, and shit will be fire in NY when CP3 leaves whatever shitty team he goes to this year and signs with the Knicks for 2012-'13. Boom.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Week 14 Picks: .500 Was In Reach Last Week (@mspici)

Steelers -14: This reminds me of last year's Steelers-Panthers Thursday night game where one team had all the motivation to win and the other to lose. Need to bet against Colt McCoy while there's still time.

Chiefs +9: I think the Jets win, but it won't be easy.

Lions -7: No Adrian peterson + the Lions need this game badly.

Record: 17-19-3

Chandler To NYK? CP3 Next?! STAT GONE?! Head SPINNING.


What is going on?? An hour ago I'm yawning wondering how I got to the point in my life I ended up in a cubicle then BAM Chris Broussard starts blowing up my Twitter feed about how the Knicks are about an inch away from signing Tyson Chandler. I swear last night I was saying I think the Knicks should try and sign him, but whatever. So I'm fucking pumped the Knicks are about to have a real man playing center so Amar'e and 'Melo can play their respective games without worrying about responsibilities they're not suited for. No more banging around and getting injured inside for Amar'e, no more doubles on 'Melo all game long on the outside.

But in signing Chandler, the Knicks need to cut Billups to shed salary - with the new amnesty clause, they don't take a hit cutting him and his $14M salary. Good shit. But who runs the point? We have a 3, a 4 and a 5, but no one else. Landry Fields at the 2? Tony Douglas at the 1? Okay, then who? No this doesn't work. BOOM all of a sudden more shit hits the fan - sources saying how bad CP3 wants to reunite with Chandler (See above picture) - but how's that happen? Knicks are signing Chandler for basically max money at $14M a year from what I'm seeing, and they'll have no room at all to take on CP3.... UNLESSSSSS .... Trade Amar'e for CP3?

I LOOOOVE STAT but holy shit that deal makes sense. I would hate to see him go after all he's done in his one year in NY, but it makes so much sense. Knicks with a top 5 PG, top 5 shooter in 'Melo, and the top 3 defensive center in the league? Yeah. If they could get Emeka Okafor with CP3 in that trade, this is a fucking no-brainer. The Knicks would be an immediate favorite for the NBA championship. Fact. Matter of fact, I'm placing money on them to win it all right now, before the odds go from 20-1 to 1-2!

Bros vs. Betches?

Alright so I asked a friend of mine, who happens to be a female, what content I could provide for my female viewership of all 3 girls that know this site exist so that I can keep them happy. She pointed me to this site about "Betches" that she says she reads a lot and that she can relate to. So I peruse the site, and realize it has about a bazillion views and is apparently hugely popular. That kind of pissed me off, but I kept reading. Some of the site was pretty funny, and some was just annoying. It felt like they were just listing off shit guys do and claiming they invented this shit like two weeks ago. I figured out it was annoying because it sounded real familiar. Well my roommate happens to read this site about "Bros" (thanks dick, guess my site isn't bro enough for you) and it's virtually the same exact thing. Only thing is this "Bro" site has been around for a lot longer, and they have the same exact URL addresses:

Bros: broslikethissite.com

Betches: betcheslovethis.com

Let me just be clear where I stand here on this situation: My stance is honestly not giving a fuck. I fucking hate anyone that uses the word "bro", has to be the worst word of all time and people that say it are fucking losers, plain and simple. Like my roommate sent me that site a while ago and I read it for maybe 3 minutes and never thought about ever reading it again, inserting the word bro in every sentence is so unbelievable I can't even stand it. Now for the "Betches", stop acting like men, it's disgusting and you should be ashamed of yourselves. I mean I can't even fault them because you gotta strike while the iron is hot, and with Barstool and this "Bro" site up and the millions of others like them, there's nothing for women. Honestly making fun of girls is pretty easy and to me it's pretty light hearted. Like seriously do I really feel women should stay in the kitchen? Yes. But other things I don't really mean. But there's so many manly feminist former softball soon-to-be gym teachers out there, that they needed something to follow - so there's this "Betches" site. I can see why it's popular because it's the only one - it was a necessary product and whoever put it together was actually smart, because there was no way it wouldn't catch on. There's probably room for another one, too. But a site like mine, there's like 39 million and I won't get much more than 100 views a day on my site because it's been done before. So I give them credit, but stop stealing ideas directly off another site, at least change it a little bit and not be that obvious.

Pujols Makes Up His Mind And Like We Thought Goes To Anaheim - Wait What?


ESPN -- Albert Pujols has agreed to a 10-year, $250 million deal with the Los Angeles Angels, sources told ESPN The Magazine's Buster Olney on Thursday. The deal includes a full no-trade clause, which Pujols had been seeking and may have been a sticking point in his negotiations with the Miami Marlins. Pujols had turned down an offer from the Cardinals, the only team he has ever played for, about a year ago, but St. Louis was still in the bidding as of Wednesday. Sources told ESPN.com's Jayson Stark that the Angels jumped into the bidding late Wednesday. The Marlins moved on to pursue free agent pitchers Mark Buehrle (who agreed to terms Wednesday, pending a physical) and C.J. Wilson. But despite the Marlins' exit from the bidding Wednesday night, sources said negotiations with the Cardinals hadn't progressed to the point where Pujols was close to agreeing to a deal. The Cardinals had planned to talk with Pujols' agent one more time Thursday before heading home. But sources told Olney that the Cardinals' latest offer was for nine years and a little less than $200 million. That would have made him the fourth-highest paid first baseman.

Ummmm sorry St. Louis but I'm not sorry. You want to keep Babe Ruth on your team, you don't make him the fourth-highest paid first baseman, no sir. I'd LeBron your ass too if you offered me that, like a slap in the face. But this news definitely sucks, Angels are already the Yankees nemesis especially in the post-season - now we gotta deal with this fucking guy? Honestly thought we were safe here, but just an absolute power move by the Angels. They swoop in the last minute and just drop a Flex on 'em and boom deal is done. Albert asked for specifics, you give him specifics. That's how you catch the big catch, give the man what he wants. When you're negotiating over $200 million and you get held up on trade clauses in the contract you're an idiot. At that point you just hand it all over and make sure the deal is signed. Angels now have the best hitter in the game. Sucks that half way through his contract he'll be a DH and an absolute drain on your cap, but whatever.

PS - Love the moves the Marlins are making, "Hey Pujols you got until Wednesday to make up your mind. Still don't know? We're out." Love that. Won't even be bullied by the best player in the game.

Lindsay Lohan Playboy Cover Leaked Online


Insider - While Lindsay Lohan's Playboy pictorial remains undercover (but not under much, from what Dina Lohan tells The Insider), the cover of her January/February 2012 issue has leaked online and, I have to say, LiLo looks top notch! In the picture, she's seen straddling the icon Playboy logo, which strategically covers her bits. Of the shoot, Dina said it would be tasteful -- a.k.a no full frontal for Lindsay! The actress is set to unveil the entire spread on the December 15 episode of Ellen.

Ok? I don't get it. This is what all the craze is about? Someone posted this online and has like 29 bajillion hits? World is a strange place.... Maybe people are into this shit, I don't know? Personally I'm not a fan of this little slut and her 32 minutes in jail for grand larceny and drunk driving and coke charges - so I could give a shit less about this. Oh yeah and there's free porn on the internet with much hotter women? That helps. Like who gives a shit about people being in Playboy? That boat sailed in like '97. Internet has crushed this thing, Lohan might've gotten a nice paycheck because Hef is loaded, but this can't possibly help anyone. I actually think this picture does more than her shitty cover:

Mythbusters Fire Cannonball. Oops Missed Target Hit House With People Sleeping In It Instead


CSM - Zany experiments testing scientific theories in real-world settings have earned the TV show "MythBusters" a devoted following, but a stunt gone awry met with an unhappy audience when an errant cannonball went shooting through a California family's bedroom. Sheriff's deputies are still measuring how, exactly, the cannonball flew from a bomb range in the rolling hills flanking a suburban San Francisco Bay area neighborhood and rocketed into the front door of a home and through its master bedroom before landing in a neighbor's parked minivan. Hosts for the Discovery Channel show fired the cannonball Tuesday as they filmed an episode testing whether other types of projectiles shot from a cannon would pick up the same speed and have the same impact as the steel ball. Later, the production team plans to film flying stone cannonballs at a rock quarry in Northern California. Instead of hitting a string of water-filled garbage cans, however, the cannonball passed over the barrels, crashed straight through a protective cinderblock wall and careened off the hill behind it, said Alameda County Sheriff's Department spokesman J.D. Nelson. "It missed the target and took kind of an oddball bounce," Nelson said. "It was almost like skipping a rock on a lake. Instead of burying it into the hill it just went skyward." No one was injured, and the home's residents didn't even wake up until the broken drywall settled on top of them, Nelson said.

Well was the myth busted or not? I mean if you already shot a steel cannonball through this guys entire house, might as well fire the other shit through there too, right? How you gonna compare the rest of the shit now? Can't use a different house, not the same. Water-filled garbage cans? Give me a break. At this point if I'm the homeowner, I'm letting them just finish up - you'll get it all paid for, probably remodel your kitchen and bathroom at no extra cost - and your house is now THAT house that the Mythbuster nerds used in that cannonball episode. Adds at least $100 to the final asking price. Business 101.

PS - How'd they not wake up right away?

Twiglight Zone: Tim McGarver Is Being Recognized By The Baseball Hall Of Fame For Broadcast Excellence

Have you ever heard anything so out of this world? Anyone who's watched baseball at some point in their lives have had to put up with this fucking idiot on a broadcast - I've literally muted the TV and put on the radio to listen to Suzyn Waldman before, that should put into perspective what I'm talking about. My biggest gripe with McCarver is that he talks to talk. I know people who have issues with Joe Buck, I don't. He shuts up when nothing needs to be said, he's quick, says what he needs to, then stops. McCarver on the other hand loves to just vomit shit right into the microphone almost like he's guaranteed not to face any repercussion of any kind. He constantly gives the wrong information, wrong quotes, and pronounces names and even teams incorrectly. My biggest issue is the pitch "guessing". Unlike umpires and players that see the pitch in real time and still can accurately tell you what was thrown, McCarver has the benefit of "SUPER SLO-MO REPLAY" and countless angles, but will STILL tell the viewing audience that the 12-6 78-mph curveball was a two-seam fastball. And he won't stop. He's one of those people who, if he's caught lying, will lie even more to get out of the other lie. He'll either be told he's wrong or realize it, but will just carry on about the same pitch like he was 100% correct when the replays are looping the same curveball dropping into the dirt 8 times in a row while he compliments Sabathia on his great two-seam movement. This guy being recognized by the Hall of Fame makes me feel how Rudy's brothers felt when he made the Notre Dame Football team: "If you are a part of that team, then my opinion of The Hall of Fame just hit the shits."


Bobby Valentine Says He Hates The Yankees. Yawn.




ESPN -- Not wasting a moment to spice up the rivalry, new Boston Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine declared Wednesday how he feels about the New York Yankees. "I hate the Yankees," Valentine said while surrounded by a herd of media members at the Winter Meetings. "I don't want to waste this valuable time talking about the Yankees. This is too valuable." On Tuesday, Yankees manager Joe Girardi was asked what Valentine's presence would mean to the rivalry and was a little more diplomatic. "Bobby adds some spunk to his clubs," Girardi said. "No doubt about it. I didn't get to witness him first-hand a lot. But Bobby's been successful wherever he has went. It should be exciting." According to one major league public relations official, the media pack around Valentine was the largest one they had ever had for one of these sessions. Valentine's force of personality is one of the things he brings to the rivalry, making it different than when Terry Francona was the Red Sox manager. Valentine always makes people pay attention. He has already started the countdown to when the two teams first meet in the regular season, Friday, April 20, at Fenway Park.

You know what, Bobby? Learn to talk about the Yankees, they're the division champs - you're going to have to deal with them a little bit here and there, gonna be a lot a questions all season about if you're ever going to catch them in the standings. I'm so bored with this because it's so predictable, just typical Red Sox playbook. Immediately try and insult the Yankees, the classiest and greatest winning organization in sports history. Love the hiring of the biggest name out there even if all your players fucking hate him, why should they be happy anyway they're just the ones who do all the work and the same ones you depend on to win you games, no big deal. Hire a guy who's such a great manager that he spent the last decade in Japan and working for ESPN because he couldn't find work in the Major Leagues. 2012 should be fun. Way to try and fit in, Bob, the "I hate the Yankees" line is so fake and scripted at this point it doesn't even matter. It's like breathing in that city, people say that shit when they wake up. I don't even blame them - 27 World Series in NY and about the same number of epic fail collapses in Boston. I'd probably be waking up saying "I hate the Yankees - Ughhh what time is it I don't wanna go to school". It's like an involuntary twitch up there.

PS - Love how he has a countdown to the first time they play NY, meanwhile the Yankees are counting down to opening day in Tampa against the real AL East competition and focused on defending their AL East Division Title.