Is This What Eli Meant When He Told Everyone He Was Good?



Giants must've missed that memo about being 3-4 after Week 8. Oh well. Nothing they can do when Eli plays like the best QB in the NFL when it matters the most. Must be why he outplayed Tom Brady in that Super Bowl, coming back for the win in the 4th quarter and everyone was shocked - I'll tell you what, Eli wasn't shocked. That mouth breathing dummy knew exactly what was gonna happen, just play like you're half retarded for 3 quarters, bait everyone in then play like a #1 overall pick with the game on the line and just keep racking up wins. All of a sudden this second half schedule isn't as tough as we once thought. If we dumb this down here and think about all the teams the Giants beat that these teams couldn't handle. Patriots couldn't beat the Bills, Saints couldn't beat the Rams, Cowboys can't beat the Eagles - These are all teams the Giants handled on their way to first place, don't see what's so hard about it. Giants went up to Foxboro in the preseason and beat these idiots so it's not really all that tough to win there, right?

All seriousness, Giants need to run the fucking football. Jacobs needs to stop bitching and complaining and man the fuck up like a 6'4" 270lb. man would do. If the Giants can't run and can't stop the run, this will get ugly quickly. Those are two things the Giants are normally pretty good at, but they can't put it together right now. Reggie Bush just looked like he was good or something, breaking arm tackles just running all over the field. Luckily the Dophins aren't smart and kept letting Matt Moore drop back so the Giants All-World defensive line could tee off on him. Not going to get that lucky with the teams on the horizon, unfortunately they're smarter and have wins in the win column. If they put together the basics and start getting physical along the offensive line, they have a shot to come out of this stretch with a couple big wins. Eli really is playing at a much higher level, backing up a lot of the things he was saying early on. They've been playing mistake free the majority of the season and it's been the biggest reason they're 5-2 and also the reason they're not 7-0 when two very winnable games were lost because of stupid and yet avoidable mistakes.

So with this absolute meat grinder of a schedule coming up, I'm feeling surprisingly more confident about this team knowing that Peyton Eli Manning is behind center playing like a motherfuckin' beast in the 4th quarter.

Backwards Stat of the Year: Giants are 4-0 when allowing an opposing back to run for over 100 yards.

Picks

I don't know if anyone even read the drunk picks I put up yesterday, they were obviously all wrong, not even sure the spreads were right - but here are my actual picks that I made Thursday:

So I'm going to use my real picks, not like they're much better....

If This Kid Doesn't Win This Dumb Ass Show I'll Lose My Shit

This kid is 14 just owning everyone in the room. Commanding 38 year old awkward white men to jiggity jiggity jump like they did when Kris Kross was hot and they didn't even miss a beat. I mean, this kid makes old white men feel cool. Seriously who has the swag to beat this little motherfucker?? No one. Kid is fresh out of Brooklyn with swag dripping out of his ass just flooding the room with it. He's like Magic Johnson, just making everyone around him better. Even Simon is nice to this kid, his uncontrollable swag floods are like some sort of magical spell he just can't help it. Astro the kid is fire fucking flames - Sign him up. LA Reid should have him sprain an ankle or some shit, pull him from this shitty little audition show filled with amateurs and immediately sign him to a monster record deal on the fucking spot. Doing this show is embarrassing for this kid he should be selling out tours, smoking weed with Snoop, banging strippers on a tour bus and hiring people to kill people for him at this point. He's already bigger than this shit, competition has been over ever since he made Rihanna wet herself.



If You Enjoy Crying While You Laugh You Should Watch This Video

I know this is old, and I saw it last year, but I'm going through my old iPhone to erase all this shit because I'm selling it back and I came across an old text with a line from this video and immediately started laughing. It's one of those videos that's still funny even though you've seen it before, some would call that a classic.

You Know What Sucks About Throwing 9 TD's In A Game?

No one cares. You go all out, passing your dick off putting up video game numbers and can't even crack 50% of people that would even consider you a serious player for the Heisman. Sucks.

And no way throwing 9 TD's is more impressive than 318 receiving yards and catching 5 TD's in only 7 receptions. America doesn't know shit.

Week 8: NFL Picks - Stay Hot, Kid (@mspici)

A 2-1 week puts me into a tie with Swagstein at 12-7-2 on the year. Not too shabby after seven weeks, but we can do better.

Panthers -3: Christian Ponder got lucky in his first start last week. That won't last. I'm going to ride this Cam bandwagon until it throws me off.

Those of us backing this guy consistently have been all smiles.

Redskins +7: Call it the curse of the bye week, but I think the Bills will struggle after their week off. Washington is the more desperate team, and I expect them to play like it.

Seahawks +2.5: Homefield advantage in Seattle is worth about a touchdown in my mind. I think the Seattle D can keep this in the game much like they did last week against the Browns. Vegas expects this one to be a low scoring affair too as they have the over/under at just 38, lowest of any game this week.


Record: 12-7-2

Pictures Of NASCAR Drivers In High School Are Exactly What You'd Expect Them To Look Like

Mullets. Everywhere. This is literally EXACTLY what I expected when I thought about the day I came across NASCAR high school yearbook photos. Completely opposite world they lived in, if you had a fresh fade you were a fucking loser. Mullets all day urr day like a bunch of little toothless rednecks running around eating SPAM and drinking hot Budweiser's like it ain't no thang. Number one and number two are easy and to be honest I'm a little surprised Jimmie Johnson rocked a mullet - just didn't see that one coming. He's the only one I thought was the "outsider" like he grew up in NY or something and just decided to race a car one day because he understood it took no athletic skill at all and it wasn't a real sport and he got cut from the baseball team and didn't want to disgrace his family by becoming gay and playing lacrosse so he set out to show all these rednecks he could pick up racing and just win with no problem even though he didn't know shit about it type of thing. But I guess in the end he's just like these guys, mullets for days. But number three.... Who the fuck is that? No way you guessed that one.... Tony Fuckin Stewart! No fucking way right?? Yo Tony you got some shit on your lip! Sweet mustache bro. Clean it up! This guy does Old Spice Swagger commercials?? Where's your swag right here Tone? You're already killing it with the mullet, but the thin 'stache is just overkill at this point, way over the top - less is more.... Less is more.... If you can't grow it thick like my man Jeff Gordon, just accept the fact you don't have what it takes. Not many people can rock the gross 'stache slash mullet combo like my man Jeff, gotta know your limits brother.

Man Up, Gronk

Not only do I not believe Rob Gronkowski when he apologizes for spending an afternoon with a pornslut (her words, not mine), but I'm also insulted he even tried doing so.


Let's get the facts straight.

This picture - among others - was taken and posted to Twitter

Mr Gronkowski went to Arizona during his bye week, presumably to meet up with some old buddies from his alma mater, the University of Arizona, and to get laid. He is after all an NFL player. How do we know he was trying to get his rocks off? Well for one, he brought his own jersey on the road with him. Just a hunch but I don't think the Patriots were hosting a minicamp in Phoenix during their week off. Secondly, he came into contact with 20-year old Bibi Jones probably after her 7th period high school math class and convinced her to join him in a bedroom and don his jersey. Those are the facts. Everything else is left to the imagination. For example, we can surmise the two had some sex but until the video surfaces, we can't be sure.

But Gronk, why lie and say you are sorry about this whole deal? There is a 99% chance you had sex with a pornstar. Stop with your bullshit. There's no way you are sorry for that.

Who is this BJ (pun intended) character anyway?  Let's take a look at her Twitter profile to find out (Walter Yego does the hard nose investigative work so you don't have to):

In Bibi's mind, she was put on this Earth for one two reasons, and they both rhyme with "luck". 

Good for her for finding her niche at such a young age.

By the way, no way Aaron Hernandez would ever apologize for doing something like this.

BREAKING: Amy Winehouse Died From Drinking Too Much

LONDON (AP) — Amy Winehouse drank herself to death. Doctors say acute alcohol poisoning is usually the result of binge drinking — the human body can only process about one unit of alcohol, or about half a glass of wine, an hour. Having too much alcohol in the body can cause severe dehydration, hypothermia, seizures, breathing problems, and a heart attack, among other difficulties. There is no minimum dose for acute alcohol poisoning and the condition varies depending on a person's age, sex, weight, how fast the alcohol is drunk and other factors such as drug use. Police Detective Inspector Les Newman, who was called after a security guard found Winehouse, said three empty vodka bottles — two large and one small — were found in her bedroom.

Stop traffic! Amy Winehouse drinks? When the fuck did this happen? If this crazy bitch can die from drinking too much then what the hell am I thinking drinking on the weekend? Amy Winehouse is what football fans would refer to as a workhorse. She's the one that shoulders the load, drinks your drinks if you can't handle shit - "Oh you still can't figure out how to take that nipple off your vodka on the rocks? GULP! Pussy..." She was the girl that outlasted every guy in the bar. You needed her to go on short rest? No questions asked she wanted that glass, she wanted to be on the bar for that important night - Never gave excuses and never talked about injuries or what was hurting after a few projectile vomits. Just got her shit together and went back out there, a pure grinder. So this is what fucking scares me, if she can't handle drinking or going hard at age 27 - what business do I have attempting to go hard at the Giants game on Sunday? Who do I think I am shotgunning a beer? Shit has me shook now, feel like I'm going to take a sip of a Coors Light and look like someone just pulled my plug in the Matrix, just lifeless to the ground out of nowhere. I'm closing in fast on 28 and according to Winehouse it looks like the clock runs out on this drinking thing pretty fucking quick.

Good News: Congress Has Apparently Solved All Other Problems in This Country

Now they can worry about HGH testing in the NFL.


PFT - Last week, NFLPA spokesman George Atallah explained to PFT the union’s ongoing concerns regarding the proposed HGH testing procedure, and he acknowledged that the NFLPA surely will be experiencing renewed pressure from Congress based on the union’s position that no agreement was reached on October 14 to commence the collection of blood samples.

The pressure from Congress has been renewed.

Three members of the House Committee on Energy and Commerce have requested that public hearings be held on the issue.  Per Mark Maske of the Washington Post, the request came from Rep. Henry A. Waxman (D-Cal.), Rep. Bobby L. Rush (D-Ill.), and Rep. G.K. Butterfield (D-N.C.) in a letter sent to the committee’s chairman, Rep. Fred Upton (R-Mich.).

Dickfaces, fix the economy..or healthcare.. or about a million other things before you worry about the most popular sport in America which is in no need of your intervention, thankyouverymuch.

I'm actually thrilled Henry Waxman is one of the deuschs involved in this ordeal becuase it gives me reason to ask everyone to look at how fucking ugly this guy is:

Thankfully, the photographer has labeled who is who

Oh.My.God. If I was him, I would be doing every single thing possible to keep my face OUT of the news. I actually had to check Wikipedia to make sure he had no real physical ailments aside from looking like a rabid bat. (He doesn't.)

How about you worry about your state being further in debt than any other state, Waxman. We got you on the whole NFL thing.

Also thought it was funny that all three complainers were Democrats. Who is John Galt? (Craig- is this appropriate usage of this question?).

Who The Fuck Says "Ain't" Anymore?

Answer: The cast of Jersey Shore and terrible screenwriters, apparently.

I couldn't be less excited to see this movie based solely on this awful movie poster:

Really, writers of Jack and Jill (which by the way is one of the least creative movie names I've ever heard)? The best you could do to entice me to come watch this shit film is to tell me Adam Sandler dressed as a woman "ain't pretty"? Pauly D could have written a better one-liner.

The screenwriters responsible for this marketing travesty should go back on strike. Permanently.

And while we're at it, how much longer are we, the apparent assholes willing to drop $13 to not laugh at Sandler's movies, going to keep putting up with this before we just stop going? I hope this is the last one he makes because it's been nine years since his last half-decent movie, Mr. Deeds.

Giants Sign Two Pro-Bowlers, A Top 20 RB, A FB and 1st Round CB - Oh Wait No That's Just All Our Players Coming Back From Injury At The Same Time

NY Post - The Giants had several marquee players missing time before the bye and nearly all of them participated in some aspect of practice. That bodes well for the Giants, who look to be at or near full strength for Sunday’s game against the winless Dolphins (0-6), the last game against an also-ran before a hellacious five-game stretch. “Everybody’s back,’’ safety Deon Grant said. “We’re just going to keep building and realize we got a lot of key guys back and just build off that. Let’s take care of Miami.’’ Taking care of the anemic Dolphins might not require a full complement of players, but if the Giants are to hold on to first place in the NFC East they figure to be greatly aided by bolstering their roster with the reinforcements ready to swoop in.


So the Giants are 4-2 using the Washington Sentinels roster on pretty much both sides of the ball. As if the lockout and preseason injuries weren't enough - basically every important piece of the team has been dealing with injuries. They go into the Post-Lockout bye week with the mandated "4 straight days off" rule, which sounds like shit, but nothing could've helped the Giants more than that. Tuck able to heal up, Snee becomes unconcussed, Hank the Tank is at full strength, Jacobs knee unswelled and the first round Prince is practicing pain free.


But after the Ravens had an automatic win last night turn into one of the biggest upsets of all-time, I'm nervous as shit about this game on Sunday. Dolphins with nothing to lose except their 50th game in a row, and the Giants with a lot to gain being able to distance themselves in the NFC East with a win right before they get into the most retarded second half schedule ever created. They need to win these games. They know it, the Dolphins know it. Pressure will definitely be on them all day to take care of business. It's one of those games as a Giants fan that you just never want to see - Coming off of a bye week trying to get up for an 0-6 team with games against NE, SF and Philly coming up. Hard to think the Giants aren't looking ahead to the huge games on the horizon, so this Dolphins game scares me.


But if we knew in the beginning of the year all of these guys would be on IR and Jacobs and Tuck would miss multiple games and our 1st rounder would be out until November... 4-2 would sound like an absolute fantasy. Fact is this team has heart, leadership and tons of character. Minus Antrel Rolle mouthing off like an asshole at times, this team is run like a team is supposed to be run - players keeping their locker room situations in the locker room - not calling out teammates for sucking and thinking you're being a leader. The Giants handled this shit better than any other team could have, now they've got their big boys coming back healthy for the holy shit part of the schedule. Couldn't be a better time to get to full strength, should be scary to watch Osi, Tuck and JPP on the line at the same time - Matt Moore has a good chance of getting killed this Sunday, awesome because I always wanted to see a murder in person. MetLife Stadium be there when the gates open to tailgate like a motherfucker! G-Men first place baby let's go!


PS - Any Giants fans wondering about Ramses Barden and if he's still alive, he actually somehow practiced yesterday and so far it looks like he didn't get hurt doing it. If I'm him I'm going and buying a lottery ticket immediately.

In Depth Recap Of The Ravens Performance

We're All Ravens Fans Tonight

Vegas just saw this and the line on this game went from Ravens -10 to Ravens -1,000. If the Jaguars win this game this will be the biggest upset in sports history. Wouldn't be shocked if Blaine Gabbert refuses to go out on the field and you know what? I wouldn't blame him. If I had more money I would bet it all on the Ravens right now, Ray Lewis just made me feel so comfortable about my bet on them tonight. And makes me feel real good about his influential speech influencing Ray Rice to have a monster game. I need just 12 points out of him to win my fantasy week, and now I'm pretty much guaranteed victory at this point right? Might as well not even watch this game and do something more productive with my time right? Nah fuck that, I just had a root canal (which I don't know what the big deal is) so I'm just going to eat some fresh mooz and drink some beers while I watch the last form of legalized rape while Ray Lewis humps Blaine Gabbert to death up and down the field. Let's fucking go RAVENS!!!! Plus if you don't root for the Ravens I'm pretty sure Ray Lewis will murder your ass.

In Depth Recap Of The Seahawks/Browns Game

Wayne Gretzky Really Is The Greatest

Because he produced Paulina Gretzky. Pres has featured her now multiple times over on Barstool and she was also been featured on what I think is the greatest GTA I've ever seen posted on that site. Anyone who knows me knows that I am on the brunette side of the fence when it comes to this blonde vs. brunette rivalry, but I honestly consider this girl one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen in my life. She's an absolute 11 out of 10 I really don't think I've seen anyone hotter than this besides maybe Arianny Celeste. Those two would create the most insane blonde vs. brunette showdown I think I've ever had to see, wouldn't be able to choose.

Introducing Paulina Gretzky:



More pics after the jump....

Is This The Best Running Back In The NFL?

Let's get one thing clear here: I hate the Dallas Cowboys. I really hate them. I hate their owner and I hate everyone who plays for them. I hated when Bill Parcels decided to try and coach them, but he's still a NY Giant to me because he didn't really do much to help them win when he was there so it's okay. But this guy DeMarco Murray absolutely studded out yesterday. 253 yards on the ground including a 91-yarder to the house right off the bat.

How is anyone even questioning if he will be the starter when Felix Jones comes back after his 148th injury of his 10 minute career?

Here's what Felix Jones has done in his career so far:
41 games - 2,006 yards (49 yards/game) - 9 TD's (8 rushing) and a long of 60.

Better yet, look at this season:

5 games - 255 yards - 1 TD. 4 yards/carry, long of 60.

Murray on Sunday?

1 game - 253 yards - 1 TD. 10.1 yards/carry, long of 91.

So Murray pretty much equaled everything Jones has done this year in one game or really just 3.5 quarters. He did all of that in a game he didn't even start. Tashard Choice inexplicably started and had 8 yards and lost a fumble. Murray surpassed the Cowboys rookie record for yards in a game set by Hall of Famer Tony Dorsett and also the franchise record for anyone in a single game set by another Hall of Famer, Emmitt Smith.

The fact people are saying Jones will still be the starter is hilarious to me. Jones has never been an every down back, and all of a sudden he's that good that he can't be moved back to the 3rd down role? Just use him as a kick returner and change of pace back, that's where he should be. That's how he was used in Arkansas behind Darren McFadden and that's how he started off well in the NFL behind Marion Barber. He's not able to handle being used every down, he's injury prone and he's not as explosive as Murray.

Sure Murray did it against the Rams, fine. But who else ran for 253 yards against the Rams this year? No one. I don't care who you face, running for 253 yards in a game is nuts, and warrants immediate insertion into the starting lineup, no matter who is in front of you. Look, you get injured, your spot gets taken. That's life. If you wanted to stay the starter, you'd stop getting hurt every 5 minutes. Luckily Jones is going to be out next week when Dallas goes to Philly so Murray will more than likely get his FIRST NFL start against another bad run defense. Philly is coming off a post-lockout bye and won't have much time to prepare for this guy, so I expect him to have another good game. If the Cowboys are smart, which they usually aren't, they'll keep the ball out of Romo's hands and put it in Murray's - seems like the safest and smartest play. So I expect Romo to throw at least 4 picks next week.

PS - Also helps that I started him on my fantasy team in a week where two of my running backs absolutely would have crippled my chances of winning - Darren McFadden goes down after two carries and doesn't come back and Earnest Graham goes down with a ruptured achilles after 13 yards rushing. DeMarco Murray not only helped the Cowboys win, but he single handedly has kept me within striking distance as Ray Rice attempts to complete the comeback for me tonight. Need 12+ points, Ray Rice vs. Jacksonville? I like my chances. My prediction earlier in the week - Ravens 31, Jaguars 6.

Really, America?

At first glance, I’m pretty proud of our country. The NFL is the most popular sport among adults in the US of A followed closely by the Olympics (national pride, awesome) and then baseball (America’s pastime):

However, upon further review…

Fucking gymnastics and figure skating rank ahead of college basketball? You have to be shitting me, America.

Can Someone Kill This Slut Already?



Are those bruises on your face? What the hell is that?


LOS ANGELES (AP) — Lindsay Lohan arrived late to her first day of community service at the county morgue Thursday and was turned away, another hiccup in the actress' effort to prove to a judge that she is complying with terms of her probation. Steve Honig, Lohan's spokesman, said in a statement that the actress was late because she didn't know which entrance to report to and "and confusion caused by the media waiting for her arrival." Lohan apologized later Thursday on Twitter. "I'm sorry for the confusion that I may of caused to those at the Coroner's office. Won't happen again, now I know where to go!" Lohan tweeted. "With all the stress and pressure from yesterday and today, I've never been so happy to go to therapy!!!!" she also tweeted. She remains on probation for a pair of drunken driving arrests in 2007 and a misdemeanor theft case filed earlier this year after she was accused of taking a $2,500 necklace without permission. She pleaded no contest in that theft case. Superior Court Judge Stephanie Sautner ordered Lohan to complete 16 hours of work at the morgue before a Nov. 2 hearing. The judge will determine whether Lohan violated the terms of her probation by being terminated from the Downtown Women's Center after being late several times and not showing up for her service. Lohan will be doing mostly janitorial work at the morgue, Harvey said. Her duties will include cleaning and stocking restrooms, mopping floors and washing sheets that the facility uses, he said. The actress will have to surrender her cellphone while working at the morgue and will have to bring her own lunch, Harvey said.

Is this fucking slut serious? Tweeting excuses how she couldn't find which entrance to go in to?? Listen pig, this isn't your freshman year on campus looking for Economics 101, pretty sure the county morgue is in a pretty specific location. "With all the stress and pressure from yesterday and today, I've never been so happy to go to therapy!!!!" Shut the fuck up like you're happy with being a walking train wreck - I want to kick this asshole right in the face, I don't think I could hate anyone more than this. She's been arrested about a billion times, been caught with drugs, driving drunk, and she walks around like she can't be fucking touched it makes me sick. Normal person is in jail already serving a 20 year sentence for her wrap sheet, she's blowing off probation like it doesn't mean shit. She had to do 120 hours, went for less than 1.... So what's her punishment?? Cleaning toilets bitch! For a whole two days - wait what? 16 hours?! So her sentence was actually reduced for basically shoving shit in the courts face she gets a shorter sentence... Oh okay. So I'm gonna go on a crime spree that will make Robert Blake cum in his pants, go home and fuck your wife take your daughters virginity and I should basically have a parade thrown in my honor is what you're telling me.. Because if you sentence me to life in prison I'm just not gonna show up, then you'll tell me to go clean up shit off the floor of a nursing home but I'll tell you to go fuck yourself and then it looks like you'll just tell me to come somewhere for an hour and take some pictures with fans and then I'm free to go on with life. Okay sounds good. I fucking hate California and hate everyone that lives there. Every time I think of that shit hole I think everyone looks and acts exactly like this piece of trash:



Nice deformed lips

 PS - Anyone who watches The League (best show of all-time) on FX will understand the crime spree line... Fucking hilarious, best scene that show ever had.

Week 7 Picks: Get It While The Gettin's Good (@MSpici)

Feeling great after my first 3-0 week of the season. Let's keep rolling.

Jets +2: I love this game. Really really love it. Being a home 'dog is a slap in the face no matter whom you are playing. Rex Ryan will use that as motivation. Also working in the Jets' favor is the cross-country trip the Chargers have to make to play the early Sunday game. The Chargers are also coming off a bye, which I think is a bad thing this year since players are mandated to take four consecutive days off in a row. Expectations are low for the Jets (that's when they have thrived under Ryan) and sky-high for the 4-1 Chargers. Look who this team has beaten: Minnesota (1 win on the season), Kansas City (2 wins), Miami (0 wins), and Denver (1 win). That's four combined victories in 21 games. Not impressive at all.

Matchups work in the Jets favor as well: Jets D can contain Chargers O; Jets O can actually score on the Chargers D; Chargers special teams are awful while the Jets special teams have been great.

Love. This. Game.

Gotta think this guy has at least one big special teams play on Sunday.

Panthers -1: John Beck is the starting quarterback of the Washington Redskins this week. No one in the Redskins organization wanted this to happen (including their best WR, Santana Moss). Rex Freakin Grossman beat him out in the preseason. If that doesn't tell you everything you need to know, you are not a football fan.

Colts +15.5: Give Indy credit. They are still playing hard. For that reason, I think they will show up in primetime on Sunday Night Football to keep this game interesting. It also helps that anyone can score on the Saints defense.


Record: 10-6-2

Sucker Free Sunday: Week 7 LOCKS (Swag)

Last week was my first losing week of the season, went 1-2 (1-3-1 including the honorable mention games) so that drops my overall record to 11-6-1 (12-8-2 with honorable mentions) - okay I'm just calling them wild card picks now - so with wild cards included I'm 12-8-2, not awful but okay. So this week I actually have been monitoring a lot of the spreads due to the shake up around the league with some last minute trades. Some of them are moving in a favorable direction that I like, so here we go - rebound time:

Carolina -1 - This isn't so much about betting on the Panthers as it is going against the Redskins and their problems. I think the Redskins have a pretty good defense but I can't see them doing much of anything on the other side of the ball. It's the first time I've seen Carolina favored, so will be interesting to see how they play, but I'm sure they'll still feel like they're in the underdog role. Cam Newton had a rough game last week, but a tipped pass going his way instead of the Falcons and that game could've been completely different. I like Newton in this one, and I'll say he throws for one TD and runs for another two. He'll have to take this game over. Panthers 27, Redskins 23.

Seahawks +3 - Don't know why but I like the Seahawks here. They have the #1 rush defense in the league and they're opponent is a banged up Peyton Hillis who has struggled to get anything going this year. He doesn't have much of a chance to change that against this front. Seattle showed a spark with Viggo Mortensen here under center, so I like what they can do against Cleveland. Watch out for Doug Baldwin as he continues to impress. Seattle 23, Cleveland 16.



Ravens -8 - I don't like a veteran quarterback against the Ravens, so I obviously hate Blaine Gabbert against the Ravens. Each year we see a rookie get slaughtered by this defense and there's really no reason to think Gabbert won't have trouble. MJD will be the only one the Ravens prepare for, he will be quiet all game long and they'll force Gabbert to attempt to try and get a first down. I honestly think first downs will be an issue for Jacksonville, I see only FG's if anything at all. Flacco and Rice have been pretty much fantastic all season, I don't see it letting up on Monday Night Football. This game will get ugly quick for Blaine Gabbert. Ravens 31, Jaguars 6.

2011 Record: 11-6-1, WC 1-2-1 (12-8-2)

Wild Card games:

Indianapolis +15.5, Denver +1

Indianapolis hasn't played all that bad in their last couple games. Painter is continuing to look impressive each time out as he keeps improving. He's protecting the ball well and he's got a couple RB's at his disposal. They also have Peyton's old weapons - Reggie Wayne and Dallas Clark. If he can get the ball in their hands they can keep this game close. The Saints have been playing down to their competition all season, I can't see them turning it on all of a sudden for the winless Colts.

Denver has a lot going on, all eyes will be on Tim Tebow. He's starting IN FLORIDA to face the winless Dolphins. When was the last time an 0-5 team was favored? Tebow plays like an absolute champion even though everyone thinks he sucks, he still gets shit done. Now he'll be home in Florida where everyone worships him, he'll have another Tebow moment in his career and probably account for 5 TD's. Guy will have extremely high motivation and adrenaline, I see him having a huge game because he plays by far his best under extreme amounts of pressure.

iPhone Siri vs. Japanese Guy - Who Ya Got?

Yo Shin Sue give it up, it can't understand you! Can't help but love the persistence of this little Japanese fucker - just won't quit. After about the 8th try even he started laughing at how terrible his R pronunciation is. I guess I kind of get it though because when I try speaking Spanish I can't roll my R's for shit. I sound like my tongue is swollen up like I'm allergic to speaking the language. But that's just a defect, lot of English speaking people can roll R's that just happens not to be in my arsenal - but out of the billions of Asian people out there, each and every one of them is missing the R sound in their DNA, it's like someone fucked up the instructions on making these people and forgot a letter. I mean R is an important letter, them not having that capability just makes them an easy target over here on the mainland, just immediate disadvantage. I mean they already can't drive for shit, this is just mean not being able to use the letter R at all. They probably just chose to be good at calculus because it has no R in it. Sneaky move, maybe we take the R out of driving and they can finally learn how to do that too.

Giants In First Place? I'll Take It



Who wears a wedding ring during an NFL game? People who wear wedding rings during competitive sports and who went to Harvard should stick to building computers and starting billion dollar businesses and shit, leave the quarterbacking to people who wear Uggs and/or kill dogs - you don't belong on the field.

That said, Giants with a big win yesterday. I didn't think they had it in them, no Tuck, no Hammerin' Hank, no Snee, no Jacobs, no defensive back 7. The defense has been struggling and did more of it to start the game - Freddy Jackson went pretty much untouched for 80 yards, Deon Grant looked phenomenal trying to make a play on him. Then some guy no one has ever heard of goes 60 yards untouched as Corey Webster honestly looked like he was scared to try any sort of defensive move to stop or slow him down.... It started real ugly. Then Eli pretty much took over, did a great job getting the Giants down the field using Nicks and big boy Ballard. Once they got down to the goal line Bradshaw started power spiking all over the joint and once he starts doing that shit the Giants pretty much never lose. He didn't look good early but once the patchwork offensive line grinded down the Bills front, Bradshaw started getting some holes and finally went over 100 yards this season. Dude had a huge day with the 3 TD's. Manningham was robbed of one TD and couldn't hold on to a second which completely fucked my fantasy team. Oh and my friend had Bradshaw, so double dick kick. Regardless the offense finally looked good, and that's without a Pro Bowl lineman and Jacobs in the backfield...

As for the defense, same story - looked awful early on but finally started getting pressure and slowed the Bills down. Corey Webster looked like shit all day, but made two absolutely huge INT's and one pretty much locked up the W. Picked Fitz off at the Giants 4 to give the ball back to the offense with a chance to win the game. Mathias Kiwanuka looks scary as shit coming off the edge, he almost had Fitzpatrick's wife widowed up on the sack/fumble he had in the second. The Freak Jr. JPP and his 10 foot long arms continues to groom himself into the best defensive end in the NFL with another sack to give him officially 7.5 on the year even though it seems more like 19. Osi right behind him with 5 even after basically missing an entire month and being a huge pussy all off season but to his credit, guy is coming to play. Tuck is going to take the tampon out after the bye week and for the first time in a while the defensive front will be at 100%.

After the bye the Giants will get much healthier - Tuck, Snee, Jacobs all expected to be back - Our first rounder, Prince Amukarmasamdemabol on the horizon to finally get a play maker in the secondary to help out and maybe make a tackle or something. But going forward the second half of the season looks like an absolute joke. Goes right in line with the last couple years of huge first halves and second half disasters: The Giants get the Dolphins at home and then go @New England, @SF, Philly, @NO, GB, @Dallas, WASH, @Jets, Dallas. Is that a joke? If the Giants can get this win against Miami to move to 5-2, they'll have a shot to finish 5-11 which would be pretty good. Going to enjoy this win and hopefully one more before the toughest second half schedule ever assembled in the history of the game, but at least the Jets are in there so we got a shot at 6!

Sucker Free Sunday: Week 6 LOCKS (Swag)

I am excited this week. I like a lot of games, but to my chagrin I can only choose three. I went 2-1 last week to put me 6 games over .500 and I plan on continuing that trend this week. I used up all my bad luck for the rest of the year on a poker tournament Wednesday so I should be ready to kill it this Sunday:



Did Cheddar Bob really think he was going to play this year? At least you kept your number.......




"Look at this motherfuckin' beast!!!!"

 Carolina +4 - Cam Newton is an absolute covering machine. He's 4-0 (w/ 1 push) ATS in his career so far, no matter the circumstance he finds a way to hit a last minute score. All of this is well and good, but I honestly don't even think he'll have to pull those heroics - I feel Carolina wins this straight up. His chemistry with Steve Smith is outstanding, he's got two huge targets in Jeremy Shockey and Greg Olsen that he's been able to use in the Red Zone. His monster performances through the air have softened up defenses and opened up lanes for D'Angelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart and they've both ran much better the last couple weeks.They have a weak defense, but Atlanta's is much worse. They're 28th in the league against the pass giving up a shade under 300 yards per. Cam is averaging 322. I can easily see Steve Smith having a huge game against this secondary and another historic weak for Killa Cam as he continues his rout on Rookie of the Year honors. Cam throws 3 TD's runs for another.

New Orleans -4 - The Bucs just made Alex Smith, yes THAT Alex Smith look like Drew Brees. 48-3?? They looked awful. Say they have a great week of practice and come out ready to play.... Well they're playing Drew Brees, the real Drew Brees this week. They're without Gerald McCoy, they're best defensive lineman. They struggle as it is to get to the QB, and with a Pro Bowler behind center for the Saints and the weapons they possess, this should turn ugly very quickly. The one thing I don't like is that the Saints tend to let weaker teams hang around a little bit, but I just don't see this being an option this week. I don't think they could let them hang around even if they wanted to, just by accident they'll be up two scores by the half. I see the Saints winning this in a landslide as Josh Freeman continues to regress like his name was Mark Sanchez. Jimmy Graham 2 TD's.

Lambeau Leaps 7, Rams 3

Green Bay -15.5 - Am I going to the well with Green Bay too many times? No. The Rams just flat out cannot be on the same field as this team. I hate saying it with such confidence, but there's just no way this game isn't won by less than 20. Honestly, if the Lions were still awful and the Packers already clinched the playoffs by now, I'd have a problem here. But the Packers don't even own 1st place outright in their own division. This is what keeps them focused and keeps them attacking on Sunday. There will be no 3rd quarter replacements, no letting off the gas, this is when a very good team beats the living shit out of a very bad team. Aaron Rodgers will go off for 430 yards and 4 TD's and I kind of think I'm lowballing it a little. Thank the Lions for keeping pressure on the Packers to make this an embarrassing game for the Rams. James Jones 2 TD's.

2011 Record: 10-4-1

*Honorable Mention Games (Said I wasn't going to do this every week.... I lied... I like it so deal with it, more free amazing analysis for you.)

Miami +7 - One reason and one reason only, these games are ALWAYS close. Look at this, the last 11 match-ups between the two teams: Dolphins by 4, Jets by 8, Dolphins by 5, Dolphins by 4, Dolphins by 7, Jets by 6, Jets by 27, Jets by 3, Jets by 3, Jets by 3, Dolphins by 4. Excluding the blowout of the Dolphins in their 1-15 season, these games are decided by an average of 4.7 points. The Jets of 2011 have a myriad of problems unlike previous seasons. If Miami can establish the run like every other team who has played the Jets this season, this came will stay close. Not to mention their inability to get anything going offensively and the Dolphins ability to rush the passer. I think the Jets win, but this game is decided by a FG.

Oakland -7 - I love the Raiders right now. They're coming back to LA for what is sure to be an extremely emotional homecoming with a ceremony prior to the game for Al Davis. They played inspired last week and won despite not rushing the ball the way they're capable of, and they were UD's on the road to a good Texans team. Expect them to be doubly motivated in front of a packed nut house against the Browns who are without corner Joe Haden and center Alex Mack, arguably two of their most talented players. Cleveland is giving up 125 yards per on the ground, that's music to DMC's ears. He will absolutely tee off on this defense and I expect him to light it up all day long. Once they get a lead I wouldn't be shocked if he racked up some serious yardage. He will open up the play action for Jason Campbell which will give Oakland's 7 WR's with 4.3 speed time to blow past Cleveland's porous secondary. DHB may continue his hot streak with Haden out of the lineup. Raiders by 17. Wow.

Week 6: Feeling Really Good About These Picks (MSpici)

Pretty boring Week 5 (1-1-1) keeps me at a game over .500 on the season. That’s not going to get it done. I need a huge week, and I think these three games offer some money-making opportunities. The picks:

Eagles PK: This game is for Philly’s season. If Michael Vick cannot lead his team to victory in DC on Sunday, we can start talking about the version 2012 Dream Team because the 2011 one will be finished. It’s impossible to come back from a 1-5 start and still make the playoffs. In my “11 Things” column, I somewhat boldly predicted the Eagles will make the playoffs which means I think they are going to win this game.

Bears -3: I am not a defensive coordinator but what is stopping the Bears from putting nine guys in the box to shut down AP and forcing Donovan McNabb to beat them? I can’t think of a single thing. Chicago got embarrassed on MNF by a top-5 team in the league. I don’t think they will let a bottom-5 team do the same thing to them on national television this week.

Packers -15: The best team in the league is playing at home against the worst team in the league. This spread should be closer to three touchdowns than two. The only thing I can see working in the Rams’ favor is they are coming off a bye week. Unfortunately, they didn’t get a new team during that bye so I’m guessing they’ll still suck.

Is 6 touchdowns too aggressive of a prediction for this guy on Sunday?

Record: 7-6-2

Am I Good Or Am I Good? Yawn - Week 5 Edition

"Ricky is the no. 1 fan of OAK" indeed! That's how you play inspired football Raiders! Too bad I had a good weekend of betting in Week 4 and decided not to bet this week. Until I lost my money like an irresponsible asshole then went in on the Pack and broke even. Then I check my work pick 'em and straight dominated. I obviously still don't believe in Buffalo, credit to Mike putting them as a LOCK. Great call with the Giants by me and the rest of the world. I put them as a lock and they're one of 2 games I lose this week. Leave it to Eli. On to the games:

What I said about the Jaguars/Bengals game:

The Bengals held Fred Jackson and CJ Spiller to only 78 yards last week in a big win over the Bills, I see them handling MJD long enough to get themselves in position to win this game. I like the Bengals S/U so them getting points is music to these ears. Bengals by 10.

What was the score again? 30-20? Bengals by 10? MJD kept in check mostly by terrible play calling and not the Bengals defense, but otherwise they held him to 85 and a TD and took care of business. Benson did nothing but Dalton threw for 2 TDs and they took advantage of two Jacksonville fumbles to win the game... By 10.

Prediction: Bengals by 10. Actual: Bengals by 10.

What I said about the Seahawks/Giants game:

I've said before I normally try and stay away from large spreads like this (that's what she said) but this includes a west coast team traveling east..... Then add to that the fact that the Seahawks are 13-32 ATS on the road since 2006. That's what I love to call a LOCK! Only thing that scares me, Tuck and Jacobs likely not to play - what helps me rest easy is I actually like DJ Ware and hope he gets a lot of touches behind Bradshaw in this game. I like Eli staying hot and going for 275 yards, couple scores and they win it 31-13.

These are the real head scratchers. You pick a team in a survivor pool, you do all your homework and due diligence, just knowing that somehow something would defy all logic, common sense be damned, and the Seahawks would win. Well, that just happened. Nothing more to say here. Giants made a good play, then a terrible pee-wee football mistake, good play, nightmare mistake, just a see saw of puke all day. Let's get this over with....

Prediction: Eli stays hot for 275, couple TDs and Giants win 31-13. Actual: Eli sucks but gets garbage yards for 420 yards, 3 TD's (3 INTs), Giants choke and lose 36-25. Disgusting.

What I said about the Packers/Falcons game:

Is this a joke?? The Packers by 6? Um did anyone see what happened last year when these two met in the playoffs? 48-21, the Packers raped the Falcons when the Falcons were the #1 team in the NFC. If the Packers play 50% they should cover this.... Packers 30-15 ATS on the road under McCarthy? Okay, Rodgers goes for 325 and 3 TD's and Packers get the W by two scores. Clay Matthews two sacks and a forced fumble and/or fumble recovery.

This was a game I needed to win, and it looked real bad for most of the game. It's like the Packers read my blog and decided it was good to play at 50% the entire game because that's what they did. Well they did that and they covered the spread. Aaron Rodgers steps up and dominates the second half like Brett Favre wishes he could and they pull away at the end. Matthews had two QB hits, so just missed those two sacks I called for - and he probably had a forced fumble and they missed it in the stats or something.

Prediction: Rodgers for 325 yards, 3 TD's, Packers by two scores and C. Matthews has 2 sacks and a FF/FR. Actual: Rodgers for 396, 2 TD's, Packers by two scores. C. Matthews 2 QB hits not sacks, no FF/FR. I'll take it.

Honorable Mention games - Oakland with an inspired win over a flat Texans team, Tennessee takes a dump on Pittsburgh's field and gets their ass kicked. CJ2K at least looked decent finally getting into the end zone this season but they take the L.

2011 Record: 10-4-1 (not including honorable mention games)

Week 1: 2-0-1
Weeks 2 thru 5: 2-1 each week... Consistency.

Week 5 Football Bets Which I Can Favorably Predict

With Swag and Spich making weekly picks, it seemed about time that I threw my hat in the ring.  So why not start with some controversy and pick against Swag in my first offering:

JAGS -2.5 over the Bengals

True, Jags got owned by the Jets a few weeks ago and looked like pretty much the worst team to ever play football.  That was before the Blaine Gabbert era.  His first full game was in a monsoon and they looked pretty decent against the Saints last week, a much better team than the Bengals.  The Bengals already lost to Denver, possibly the least talented team in the NFL.  And they managed an inspiring 8 points against San Francisco.  They did knock off the undefeated Bills, but at this point who can even determine if the Bills are really any good.  Gabbert is only going to get better as he learns the offense and how to be a professional.  Jags win by a TD

Chargers -4 over BRONCOS

Speaking of the least talented team in the NFL, I just don't see Kyle Orton being able to compete with this guy.  The Chargers are an absolute top 10 team in the league.  I don't care if this game is at elevation 1 trazillion feet.  Vincent Jackson is probable.  Ryan Matthews is catching fire.  Malcom Flloyd is healthy.  This game has the makings of a blow out.  When your starting running back loses his job to Willis McGahee, you know it is going to be a long season.  Chargers by 13.


Cardinals +2.5 over VIKINGS

Donovan McNabb is just bad.  That's all there is to it.  How a quarterback leads a team that is 3rd overall in rushing but 24th overall in point scoring without being crucified by the media is beyond me.  How many more weapons does Donovan have to get before we can all admit that he just doesn't have it anymore.  He's a play maker who is too old to make plays.  At this point AP probably just wants to throw the passes too.  The Cardinals almost beat the Giants last week and have suffered some pretty excruciating losses.  They are 0-3 and their losses are by a combined 8 points.  You know they are coming out gunning for that first win.  Larry Fitz is back to being Larry Fitz now that the Cardinals abandoned the open try out for quarterback that was the 2010 season.  Beanie Wells got three touches on the board last week.  They look a little week on pass defense but the shouldn't be much of a problem with Father Time taking snaps for the Vikes.  Cards by 9.


There you have it folks.  Don't say I didn't warn you.

Sucker Free Sunday: Week 5 LOCKS

Had a good week last week even if I threw in a weird call about the Dolphins, didn't feel like going 3-0 obviously - when shit gets too easy I tend to lose my interest so I was just keeping myself on my toes. Couple games I really like this week so let's get right to it:

Bengals +2.5 - Not sure I completely understand this spread.. Basically saying the Bengals are just a half point better than Jacksonville.... I actually respect the Bengals who have been playing pretty good this season, and I think the Jags might be one of the worst teams in the NFL. If not for MJD they're right in the thick of the Andrew Luck race that has taken over the bottom of the NFL ranks. Apparently they don't need him because they have Sunshine at QB but I guess they don't notice he's not going to do much for them this year. The Bengals held Fred Jackson and CJ Spiller to only 78 yards last week in a big win over the Bills, I see them handling MJD long enough to get themselves in position to win this game. I like the Bengals S/U so them getting points is music to these ears. Bengals by 10.



Giants -9.5 - I've said before I normally try and stay away from large spreads like this (that's what she said) but this includes a west coast team traveling east. On top of that they play the early game on Sunday. That's just pure hell. On top of that, it's the Seattle Seahawks. That's hell inside of hell. Add to that Tarvaris Jackson is the QB - Can this get any worse? Yes.... Then add to that the fact that the Seahawks are 13-32 ATS on the road since 2006. That's what I love to call a LOCK! Only thing that scares me, Tuck and Jacobs likely not to play - what helps me rest easy is I actually like DJ Ware and hope he gets a lot of touches behind Bradshaw in this game. I like Eli staying hot and going for 275 yards, couple scores and they win it 31-13.



"Yeah keep that helmet on 'cause I just embarrassed you, bro!"



Packers -6 - I just used the word bro because I feel like Aaron Rodgers would say that, anyway.... Is this a joke?? The Packers by 6? Um did anyone see what happened last year when these two met in the playoffs? 48-21, the Packers raped the Falcons when the Falcons were the #1 team in the NFC. Newsflash bro, Packers are 10x healthier and 100x better. Falcons fucking suck. There's just no reason this spread isn't -100. If the Packers play 50% they should cover this, and as long as Devin Hester isn't around to completely juke the shit out of their entire special teams unit, they should be fine. Packers 30-15 ATS on the road under McCarthy? Okay, Rodgers goes for 325 and 3 TD's and Packers get the W by two scores. Clay Matthews two sacks and a forced fumble and/or fumble recovery.

*Honorable mentions: Raiders +6 @ Texans, Titans +3.5 @ Steelers

2011 Record: 8-3-1

*Not going to do this every week but those are two more games I'm thinking about getting involved with this weekend.

Houston is looking good, but looked shaky without Andre Johnson in the second half of that Steelers game and they'll be without him for 3-4 weeks. I love DMC and think he's the best RB in this game. He will get a ton of touches which will result in a ton of yards. He will single handedly keep the Raiders close, if Jason Campbell can be mistake free they'll have a chance to steal one in Houston.

Steelers on the other hand, look like shit and there QB was in a boot all week - he'll be behind a terrible offensive line and going against a defense who can get hits on the QB. They're also 25th in the league against the run believe it or not and Chris Johnson is coming to town off of his first 100 yard game of the season and is looking to keep it going. That should help the already surprising Matt Hasselbeck be more comfortable in the pocket against a Steelers team who is unusually struggling getting to the QB this year. Outside of their Seahawks blowout, they have 2 sacks this year. Nuts. I like both these games but the other three jumped out a little bit more to me. Consider these as well... At your own risk.

Hey Joe Namath, Shut the Fuck Up!

Is there anything more annoying than a retired dude talking shit about his ex-team?

Yes, dudes who retired almost 35(!) years ago talking shit about their ex-teams.

Jets fans will always have a sot spot in their hearts for Broadway Joe because he led the underdogs to a Super Bowl III title. Few fans realize he wasn't actually that great of a quarterback.

Look at his career numbers:

Record: 62-63-4

Playoff Wins: 2 (a number Mark Sanchez surpassed during his second season in the league)

Completion Percentage: 50.1% (I'm not suggesting fat boy was a better quarterback, but JaMarcus Russell - arguably the worst quarterback ever to play in the NFL - had a career completion percentage of 52.1%. Namath only completed a higher percentage of his passes in two out of his 13 seasons. Again, just a frame of reference.)

Passing Touchdowns: 173

Interceptions: 220

Rushing Yards: 140

Fumbles Lost: 33

Now, Namath is spouting some bullshit about the 2011 Jets not being up to snuff. After the Week 3 loss, he ripped Rex Ryan and his coaching style:

Then after the Week 4 loss, he criticized Santonio Holmes and the Jets front office:

Finally (I hope) today, he ripped the team again:

What is the end game here, Joe? You are burning the only bridge you have: Jets fans who have never seen another Super Bowl don't want to hear their team sucks.

The only relevant thing this asshole has done in the last 30+ years is embarrass himself on national television trying unsuccessfully to make out with Suzy Kolber:





No one wants to hear a semi-delusional old man's opinion about the Jets. If we did, we would turn on Mike Francesa on WFAN. Please go back to boozing, and we'll wake you when we need a good laugh.