Week 13 Picks: Almost Back to .500 (@mspici)

Browns +7

Bengals +7: I like them to win this game outright.

Chargers -1.5: Same pattern every year- lose enough to get Norv Turner on the hot seat, win like crazy in the second half of the season.


Record: 16-17-3

People Getting Re-Engaged To Each Other Makes Me Want To Vomit

Nice face you sloppy mess.

Yahoo - Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler is engaged to what's her name again. You know, the one from that show on MTV. No, not "Jersey Shore." The other one.


Kristin Cavallari, that's it. She's the "star" of MTV's "The Hills" and Cutler's on-again, off-again, maybe-they're-engaged, maybe-they're-not girlfriend. On Wednesday, she announced the breaking news to her 679,142 Twitter followers:

I think when you have to get re-engaged to someone your life sucks. I mean how do you break up with the person, publicly call him out, call his injury in the Championship game a pussy faking injury and then get back together with him? We all know Jay Cutler is a huge pussy and one of the whiniest players of all-time, and everyone who knows me knows my disdain for him and his pussbag attitude, but what's this say about Cavallari? I mean you can't tell me there wasn't a better option out there. Talk about settling. Like you had this already.... You got sick of it and left, and now you're back to this? When you already know you're going to get sick of it and look for fresh meat - why even bother? Oh well, here's to hoping it lasts longer than 72 days - Cheers.

Kris Humphries Wants An Annulment

US - What's better than a divorce? An annulment. Kris Humphries plans to respond to Kim Kardashian's Oct. 31 divorce filing with a counterstrike of his own. A rep for the NBA star, 26, confirms to Us Weekly that Humphries will seek a legal separation from Kardashian, 31 -- ultimately leading, he hopes, to an annulment of their 72-day union. If Humphries gets his way, the couple will avoid divorce proceedings altogether. Kardashian and Humphries tied the knot Aug. 20 in Montecito, Calif.; an ironclad prenuptial agreement guarantees that the reality starlet will hold onto all moneys earned during their marriage. Humphries, whose prospects have opened once again now that the NBA lockout has ended, recently signed an endorsement deal with Sector watches worth $150,000. Pals told Us that Humphries freeloaded off of his wife and could be downright cruel during their short-lived union."He belittled her in front of people," one insider said. "He'd call her stupid. It was truly sickening. He tried to control Kim by bringing her down...He would say truly terrible things. One time, he said she had no talent and her fame wouldn't last." Worst of all? Humphries even called the star "fat ass."

I'm so confused right now. What's the difference between an annulment and a divorce? Is an annulment like getting the marriage to disappear? Like 500 million people will forget your marriage ever happened? Is a divorce worse? I don't get it. I guess I don't care because I don't really plan on having any of these problems because I'm not sure getting married is the answer to anything... Unless I hit it off with Miranda Kerr.

But that's not my issue here. My issue is wondering if this article is serious about what he said to her while they were married.... Are they being sarcastic about his behavior being "truly sickening"? Because that's downright fucking hilarious if they're not. If that's truly sickening then whoever wrote this article must not live in the real world because that's pretty much how all conversations between two people in a relationship go. I don't think I'd have it any other way. Like you can't sit there and tell each other cute and cuddly things all the time, it's not all bubble gum and rainbows, you have to hate each other once in a while. Tell the other one they suck when they suck, or then they'll keep sucking. It's constructive.

But I guess it could be pretty sickening when someone actually tells you the truth instead of what you want to hear. "He would say truly terrible things. One time, he said she had no talent and her fame wouldn't last." Oh my God the horror! I could never even imagine someone saying that to another person who got famous for leaking a sex tape. Like are these frauds serious? They're going to argue that statement? Or the fact he said she has a fat ass - Ummm honey isn't that what you're literally known for? Isn't your fat huge ass the reason you're famous? Didn't you openly go on TV and get an X-ray of your huge fat ass to prove it's huge and fat and not stuffed with rubber? Only the Kardashians and their lunatic entourage could create drama over cold hard facts like these. No talent, fat ass - not sure how much more correct Kris Humphries could be.

PS - I'm so on this guys side it's not even funny, I hope the Knicks sign him.

Is Miranda Kerr The Most Marriable Girl Ever?

People - Miranda Kerr remembers her first visit to a Victoria’s Secret store; she was 16, a foreign exchange student living in Virginia. “I was like, ‘Wow! This is like a wonderland. We don’t have anything like that in Australia,’” she recalls to New York magazine. Several years later, she was blown away by the company again — but this time, it was because she was the first Australian model to get a contract with the brand. “I just remember the first time I met Adriana [Lima], she was so beautiful,” Kerr says. “I was like, ‘Why would they want me? I mean, look at her. She’s incredible.’ And then I met Heidi and Gisele and I was like, ‘What am I doing here?’” Now one of the company’s most recognizable faces — and the model who has the honor of wearing the $2.5-million “Fantasy Treasure Bra” in tonight’s Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show — Kerr is more confident about her place in the fashion world. “I always see myself as, like, equal to everyone,” she says of her fellow models. “I can’t feel bad about being who I am, just like the girl next to me can’t feel bad about being who she is. A rose can never be a sunflower, and a sunflower can never be a rose.” In fact, Kerr hopes her attitude toward beauty resonates with her fans. “All flowers are beautiful in their own way, and that’s like women too,” she shares. “I want to encourage women to embrace their own uniqueness.”

Yeah whatever I watched the Victoria Secret fashion show last night, but only because Jay-Z was performing.... Yeah right. I grew up with Victoria Secret, shit was the first porn I ever got my hands on. Tyra Banks, Heidi Klum, these girls were like watching Hall of Famers in their prime. It's kind of like SNL and growing up watching Chris Farley throw himself through tables and Adam Sandler when he was funny. And now how I'm not really up with the new cast, and I never find them funny enough - just always a step behind.. Well that's what I felt about the new Victoria Secret girls, the only one who stepped right in and didn't have me question their advanced scouts was Marissa Miller. She was a five tool player that was just a machine in the magazines, never took a play off she was relentless. Then last night I discovered this girl Miranda Kerr....

Now I've heard of her before, but never really saw her. And the show was great because not only do you see these girls, but listening to them speak changes so much about how you look at them. Like hearing their dumb accents on some of them makes them completely unattractive. Like Alessandra Ambrosio sounds like a man with a nasal allergy and is no longer attractive to me. But Miranda Kerr, holy shitballs, she's flat out amazing. She's the kind of amazing that had me daydreaming about meeting her at a bar and hoping she's down to earth and not into money or really attractive people so maybe we'd get married then realizing she's married already and immediately finding myself plotting how to kill her fucking asshole husband. She's that kind of attractive. She has that Australian accent, the kind that's just straight dick wrecking sexy but not obnoxious like she thinks her Australian accent is the best thing on earth where she just shows off on every word. She just does everything right.

So I can see why Victoria Secret gave her the honor of wearing the $2.5 million dollar bra last night, seriously who else is more deserving? This girl had a kid IN JANUARY and is rocking one of the hottest bodies on the planet right now. And she's not one of those stick figure gross models, this girl has ass. That's what's up. And she just seems like the coolest fucking girl ever, too - like not some stuck up slutbag who's really just into this shit to bang Kanye West backstage and do lines of coke everywhere, or some idiot who just says "I want world peace" to every question they're asked and does humanitarian efforts with their free time.

She just seems like she'd be down to chill and have a beer while watching football on a Sunday, and really that's all it's about. Pop out a couple kids, rock $2.5 million dollar bras for me that I didn't have to buy for you because you're so hot companies just make them specifically for you, and let me show you off at reunion parties and shit. Boom, life is made.

Some pics after the jump:

Some No Name MMA Guy Takes Little Boy Approach At Arianny Celeste

Las Vegas Weekly - Who are you pulling for in the Ring Girl of the year category?

"We only had one and that was Chandella [Powell]. The other was the IQ card girl. Arianny [Celeste] kind of walks around and holds up her latest test score. One time when there was a title fight, she got all the way up to five and we were very proud of her."

This move is so obvious it's embarrassing. There's only two possible reasons this nobody went out of his way to say something like that about Arianny. One: The classic approach every first grader uses to get a girls attention when he's in love with them, just make fun of them until they cry. Or Two: He stumbled up to her drunk at one of these Vegas parties and she shut him down and embarrassed him in front of everyone. Or both.

Frankly it doesn't even matter, this guy is outside of his mind for ever saying that shit in the first place. Two reasons. One: Now everyone thinks he's a gayball. Two: Every guy knows you WANT girls to be dumb as a rock. I mean for what reason would you need them to count to 5 for? No way you ever say "Hey toots, go get me 7 beers from the fridge", that's just irresponsible because no way they will stay cold outside of the fridge by the time you get to number 6. Fact. Nor do we say "Hey sugartits, go make me a sandwich multiplied by 80 divided by 40" no, you say "Go make me two sandwiches." Now if you add the words "STAT", "pronto" or "on the double" that's on you, you're gonna have to deal with the 3 and 3/8th sandwiches she comes back with.

Finally, An Idea to Save the WNBA

Miami - Getting scantily clad women to play basketball while wearing stripper heels is either a shrewd business move in the face of the NBA lockout or a recipe for some very disastrous ankle injuries.

Regardless, the girls of Tootsie's Cabaret in Miami Gardens are going to give it a shot as part of the newly formed Rick's Cabaret Basketball League.
Tootsie's is a part of stripper/adult entertainment conglomerate Rick's Cabaret Inc., and the company has decided to take the lack of pro basketball (and possibly the success of the Lingerie Football League) as a chance to form the world's first professional stripper basketball league.

Holy shit. How did David Stern not think of this idea first? Leave it to Rick's Cabaret to come up with this goldmine idea. Fucking brilliant. Also brilliant, hiring this guy to coach one of the teams.

First Spud Webb, only a matter of time before they get Muggsy Bogues onboard

There is 10005% chance more than 11 non-lesbians would show up to watch strippers playing basketball.  Stern CANNOT say the same thing about the WNBA.



Vegas HAS to have a team, right? Sign me up for season tickets right now.

Giants Look Like Shit

Could a simple headline do a better job of explaining what last night looked like? Didn't think so. Look at Eli's fucking face right there, he got smacked right into retardville. Not sure there's any coming back from that.

Look, it seems simple enough - Fire Coughlin already. Enough is enough, right? Sure he led the team to a miracle Championship over the 18-0 Patriots after a miracle run through the playoffs, but that's over now. It doesn't buy you eternity at the helm, maybe a couple years and that's it. Shouldn't be a couple years when all you're known for is second half collapses. I think this year he gets the short end of the stick, the Giants are absolutely decimated with injuries all across the depth chart and they're paper thin along important areas. They've been playing all season with Kiwi and a bunch of 6th rounders at linebacker, half the season without their defensive line on the field together, and half the season without their starting running back.

I don't know what people expected to come from this disgusting stretch of schedule, but I wasn't thinking shit would end pretty. I did say we would be able to hang and possibly beat the Patriots in Foxboro because I liked the matchup, and I expected the Giants to win at San Francisco - but I figured the Eagles would play them tough and thought there was really no chance they'd stop Brees and Jimmy Graham. Without a pass rush they should be 17 point underdogs at home to Green Bay, and without a defense able to stop the run DeMarco Murray and the Cowboys should steamroll their dicks off.

Bottom line is Coughlin's clock has expired. Sure it's been a rough season and the team did all it could, and it took care of the soft part of its schedule like a better than average team should be able to do (eh hem Redskins, Seahawks) but the fact of the matter is the players fucking hate him, plain and simple. They flat out just do not respond to him. That's the one thing I hate about the Jets, is their loud mouth fat coach, but you know what? He wants to fucking win, and he wants his players to fucking win, and his players fucking love him for it. They'd get into the foxhole with that guy and risk their lives for him, but the Giants would leave Coughlin crawling on the ground with his intestines hanging out and I'd be shocked if Antrel Rolle didn't run up and pop one in his dome piece before he ran out of there and left him for dead.

The Sporting News ran a midseason poll of 111 NFL players about which coach they'd least like to play for and surprise, surprise! First place honors go to Tom Coughlin , the most despised head coach in the league according to the poll. Some excerpts:

“Coughlin is that old school, Bill Parcells, my way or the highway type. He won’t bend at all. That’s not the kind of coach you’d like to play for.” —Bears DT Anthony Adams

“Looking at it from the outside, I don’t know that any player in the league would say they’d want to play for Tom Coughlin. I wouldn’t.” —NFC defensive player

I know this isn't college football, but what does that say about your organization? The NY Giants are always regarded as one of the classiest in all of sports and a benchmark of the NFL, you hear it time and time again through various news outlets - but WHO GIVES A SHIT! No one wants to play here!!!! When free agency comes, NO ONE WANTS TO PLAY HERE! Our best WR didn't even want to visit his own team during free agency! The last big time free agent to come here was Plaxico Burress, and we all saw how that worked out. It was like Rosenhaus completely lied to him about who the coach was and then after he signed was like "Oh yeah, about that...." because Coughlin and Plax fucking hated each other. His reputation around the league is ruining the Giants future plans and is ruining any prospect they have of landing quality players in free agency. New York itself attracts EVERYONE, everyone wants to play here in the bright lights and the big market - but Tom Coughlin and his hard ass reputation of being an asshole is enough to literally repel anyone decent from signing here, or they just go to the Jets instead because their coach has the exact opposite reputation. He's a loud mouth but will do anything for his players, and that's why Rex Ryan and the Jets land big names and gain interest from every FA out there. But fuck it, we'll just keep having guys walk during free agency and then sit on our hands while we sign NO ONE and just build through the draft. AKA letting 6th rounders and undrafted FA's start all season, and we'll be fine. Great fucking plan.

PS - THIS better be the next head coach of the NY Giants:

Absolute Boss Catch

I heard about this catch but this is the first time I'm seeing it. To hear in detail about it, I kind of didn't really imagine in my head that it could be as good as advertised but I think it was better? Like that catch was almost super-human. I don't know who Aaron Dobson is, but I'm pretty sure he just jumped right into the first round with that play.

PS - Boss move is elbowing the referee to get out of your way so you can celebrate in his face and still not get a flag.

PPS - The crowd reaction after seeing the replay was awesome.

Percy Harvin Is Unlucky Beacuse He's Slow

Yahoo - Q: How does a football player run for 104 yards but still not get a touchdown?


A: Like this.



Percy Harvin returned a kickoff 104 yards, but his well-known speed was not enough to get him in the end zone. To make it worse, the Vikings could not capitalize on that near perfect field position. Christian Ponder was sacked, and then Harvin and Toby Gerhart could not get in the end zone. The Vikings turned the ball over on downs, showing in a single drive just why Minnesota is 2-9.


The headline for this was "Player's Unlucky 104-yard return". Maybe it's not unlucky? Maybe it's just a pure hustle play by Chris Owens? Maybe you don't know who Chris Owens is since Yahoo failed to mention him at all in their article. Not even an article about the game, but the article was solely about this one play and they didn't even mention the guy. All he did was bust his ass to chase down the guy with "well-known speed" and probably the fastest guy on the Vikings to stop him from scoring. Not only was it a great play even if the Vikings eventually scored, but they didn't. So all in all this ended up being what basically could be described as a game-winning tackle. Who cares though, it's really all about Percy Harvin being unlucky. Maybe he got a headache around the 10-yard line.

Kim Kardashian Is Completely Delusional

I've pretty much stayed away from this entire Unreality TV Series that's been going on because it's so outside of real life it's a joke. I watched this episode last night because I decided to take a nap at 8pm and wake up at 9pm which was flat out not smart, so watching this was sure to put me to sleep but it didn't, and I'm glad I watched it because I didn't know what to make of this Kris Humphries character until now....

Now at first, I just figured the guy was in it for a couple paychecks and to get some recognition since no one knew he even played in the NBA. So with everything that was said about these two and the stupid 39 hour marriage - really just thought it was him jealous of Kim and her career and her being the big attraction and he couldn't handle it. Well after watching this, I couldn't be more on this guys side with basically everything going on here, and here's some reasons why:

Deer Hunting Goes Real Wrong

Maybe Brick Tamland was onto something? Because no way in hell that girl isn't menstruating like a boss, I know it, you know it, she knows it, the deer knows it. That deer smells what it smells and wants what it wants and you can't tell it any different. Zig zag all you want honey, but deers have that zig zag running through a field act down pat, shit is in their DNA, that's probably their oldest trick in the book. Smartest move they made was getting in the car because deer are notorious for having no clue what a car is. Usually just stand there and let cars plow into them like fucking idiots. Sure they might be dumb as a rock, but try and tell this deer you're not perioding all over the place and see what happens.

PS - What's the thing holding the camera? That a guy, a girl? All I know is it's fat, whatever it is. And probably smokes a lot. Seriously all I pictured was that Chaz Bono thing trying but failing to chase them down and also failing to breathe normally. And listen thing, I get it - there's a deer chasing your menstruating friend - no need to repeat it 500 times, Lord knows you could benefit to save your breath in this situation.

Jerome Simpson Channeling His Inner Reggie Miller

This is why Cincinnati is able to pull out tough games against the Cleveland Browns. Everyone else is busy jumping in that gayball pile, Jerome Simpson is busy taking cheap shots all over the place. I don't see anyone else laying their body on the line like that for their team. Thank God the referee was busy not looking or else he might have thrown that flag based on pure fan reaction.

Sucker Free Sunday: Week 12 LOCKS

Alright, last couple weeks haven't gone as planned but lucky for me no one reads this, don't really have strong feelings about this weeks games so just going to wing this shit, here we go:

Carolina -2.5 - Indianapolis is home, that's about all they've got going for them.. They obviously are trying to run the table in the Suck For Luck sweepstakes and Cam Newton should have no problem carving apart their defense. For fantasy purposes I hope all his passes go to Steve Smith for touchdowns.

NY Jets -9.5 - The Bills have fucked me twice this year. Week 1 and last week. They've officially lost Fred Jax for the season who was really their only weapon. Their quarterback is a nerd and they have one of the most overrated WR's in the league, this team is done. Jets actually have a shot to make the playoffs, they'll come out hot. Big things for #25 today playing in place of LT.

New England -3 - This is a joke right? Only 3 point favorites over the biggest fraud of a team in history? The 4-6 Eagles are only 3 point dogs to the New England Patriots.... Okay. I honestly don't know how Vince Young can be so terrible and still have everyone give him credit like he's good at football. Vick is questionable yet this spread is still only 3? So the Pats would only be 6 or 7 point favorites if they were home? But against the 5-2 Giants they were 9.5 point favorites? I'm just confused, tired, partially hungover and flabbergasted this spread is so close I just don't know what to do other than say I'd LOCK THIS SHIT UP!

2011 Record 17-14-2 (WC 4-10)

Wild Card Picks

Denver +6 - Tebow. That's it.

NY Giants +8.5 - Like the offensive matchup, but if the Saints exploit the Giants linebackers this game will be over by the end of the first quarter.

Week 12 Picks by Johny Galt

A 3-0 week for me.  I'm heating up.  Now that I've jinxed myself let's see if I can keep it going:

Carolina -3.5 @ Indy

Last week I picked against Carolina, saying the days of them beating good teams was fading.  Well, the days of them beating bad teams are still with us.  They have too many weapons for the hapless Colts to try and keep pace with.

@ Cincinatti -7 vs Cleveland

Cinci has had two tough losses, but I thought they played respectably in both.  Jerome Simpson is quietly becoming a top receiver.  And personally, I think Andy Dalton has a cannon.  Unlike Colt McCoy, whose arm would be most accurately described as a nerf bow and arrow.  I don't normally like teams with weak RBs, but Cincinatti has faced both Baltimore's and Pitt's tough defenses.  They are due for a blue out.


Houston -3.5 @ Jax

Picking two road favorites, Mspici's head is going to explode.  Am I the only person who thinks this should be a blow out?  Yea, Schaub is out.  But honestly, how much of Schaub's passing stats come from him and how much comes from Arian Foster breaking off 80 yard runs on screen passes?  The return of AJ, to me, more than makes up for the downgrade from Schaub to Leinart.  Houston's defense has been solid.  Jax offense is woeful.  This will be a two TD game at least. 

Record: 12-8-1

NFL: Week 12 Picks, Creeping Back to Respectability (@mspici)

Bills +8
Bears +5
Titans -3

Record: 14-17-2

Hilarious Marketing Approach

No Way! Power Bands Don't Give You Super Athletic Powers?!



Of course a soccer pussy would wear this shit.


TMZ - Power Balance -- the company that allegedly duped athletes into believing its bracelets could provide super-human strength -- is about to take a $57 million dollar hit in a lawsuit filed by people who called BS on the product ... TMZ has learned. A class action suit was filed in federal court in L.A. back in January ... alleging consumers were duped into believing the hologram-embedded band was scientifically proven to enhance balance, flexibility and strength. There was just one small problem -- there was never any hard evidence to back those claims. Now, sources with direct knowledge of the situation tell TMZ ... the company has reached a settlement worth $57.4 million, intended to compensate all those who were misled into buying the product. And it gets worse for PB -- we're told the company will be declaring bankruptcy and plans to fold up shop altogether. The Power Balance bracelets CRUSHED IT when they first appeared on the scene a few years ago -- with superstars like Drew Brees and Shaq vouching for the product. Turns out ... size, strength and talent can't be sold in stores.

--Update--
3:10 PM: Power Balance officially filed for bankruptcy this morning ... but afterward, the company posted a tweet stating, "Power Balance is not going out of business."

Seriously, what's next - someone gonna tell me Santa isn't real?? How is it possible these rubber bracelets that cost $20 don't give me super human abilities?! I've had so many arguments with my idiot friends who had this thing and actually believed they had more "balance" and felt better when they had it on. One of my friends wore it and would do tests on people to prove it. So he'd start off by shoving them where they'd almost fall down when they still had no clue what was going on, then he'd take his bracelet and just put it on their shoulder and then lightly poke them. Well they obviously didn't move and this bracelet makes out looking like a fucking hero. Magically balancing this unsuspecting human from a real life Facebook poke. He impressed everyone so much with his tests that one of my roommates had one not even two days later.. I just never understood how a $25 dollar rubber band could change anything - like I rock some of the Nike bands but they come in a 5 pack for like $5, and I do it just strictly as a fashion thing. I don't run around claiming my painful arthritis has completely gone away, but only when I'm within 3 feet of my superpower band. Love the fact they got called out on their bullshit scam, now I get to rub it in my friends faces. HA! Idiots. You'll never get that money back, enjoy your bracelets.

Two WTF Baseball Moments in One Day? Yup.

First, Ryan Braun was somehow named MVP of the National League.

In most years, I would be cool with the Hebrew Hammer winning the award, but let's look at Matt Kemp's numbers this year:

HR: 39 (1st in NL)

RBI: 126 (1st)

BA: .324 (3rd)

Kemp was a handful of singles away from winning the Triple Crown on a team that would have sucked elephant balls offensively without him. James Loney served as his protection in the lineup. 

Plus Kemp banged Rihanna, which has to be good for at least a few votes.

The second fuck up of the day was when baseball announced its new CBA and limited the signing bonuses for guys drafted after the 10th Round to $100,000. Newsflash, Bud Selig- four years of college costs at least that much. Makes no sense to limit the spending like that unless you want to hand development of tomorrow's stars over to college coaches that have no incentive to make them better players and every incentive to abuse them for the good of their college teams.

Sucker Free Sunday: Week 11 LOCKS

Coming off my first 0-3 week of 2011 and not trying to follow Mike's pattern, so plan on winning some of these this week. Here we go:

This guy is starting Monday Night. This guy.

New England -15 - Kansas City is starting a guy who has never started an NFL game before... He's played for the New Orleans Saints, Arizona Cardinals, California Redwoods, Montreal Alouettes, Pittsburgh Steelers, and now the Kansas City Chiefs. Notice there were two non-NFL teams mixed in that THREE year span. So this undrafted FA is going to start his first ever NFL game on Monday Night Football AT New England? By the way New England is really good, too. Fuckin' lock.

NY Giants -5.5 - Vick, out. Maclin, out. Insert Vince Young who's season stats are.... Drumroll please.... 0 for 1, INT. Lock it up, $100 on it.

Buffalo +3 - Buffalo has been struggling lately, and I hate Buffalo and love watching them lose, but there's no real reason for them to be 3 point dogs against the Dolphins. They still have Fred Jackson, still have Steve Johnson, and Ryan Fitz who should all have great match-ups today. Love the field goal spread on the road, because there's a real good shot that's what this game will be decided by.

2011 Record: 16-12-2 (WC 3-9)

Wild Card Picks

Tennessee +7 - The Titans put it together offensively last week for the first time without Kenny Britt. Hasselbeck has seemed to have found a target in Damian Williams, and Chris Johnson is slowly getting back into form. I think they're evenly matched up with Atlanta now that Julio Jones has been ruled out, so 7 points works nice for me.

San Diego +5 - Looks like everyone is finally off the San Diego bandwagon, but that puts me on it. I'm like a hipster with picks. No one thinks picking SD is cool? Well now I do. I also have gone against Chicago pretty much every single week, I absolutely do NOT believe in this team. They overachieve what seems like every year, and get love for beating soft teams. Cutler is soft, and if SD comes out and plays the way they're capable of.... This could very easily be a blowout for the Chargers. Love getting 5 points for an offense that can explode at any moment.

Galt Picks

Traveling, but here goes:

Detroit -7
The Panthers are fading as a threat to compete againet good teams

Oakland - 1
Palmer should keep getting better, Bush has looked good

Chicago -3.5
Bears are hot

Record 9-8-1

He Is The 1% - Ben Whitmore - Only Male On Earth Who Hates Yoga Pants

Hawks Herald - There are many things I do not like about Roger Williams University. For starters, I don't like that most RWU students appear to not place value on education. I don't like that many professors reward under-researched, inarticulate, and thoughtless work with pass­ing grades, rather than calling students on their bunk junk. I don't like that some University administrators make policy de­cisions based on how perceived outcomes would make the Uni­versity look rather than how the student population and the quality of their education will benefit. I don't like that I am in the same senior class with a girl who asked a friend in the library the other day, "Wait, where is the Supreme Court? Like, is there more than one?" Yet, I understand that RWU's flaws are not unique to the school; the world is full of people who have views and be­haviors that I don't personally agree with. I have made peace with the good, the bad, and the ugly at RWU, and I will be proudly walking across the stage in May and getting my diploma with the University's name on it.

However, there is one school trend that I can no longer remain silent about, one article of clothing that most female students wear that makes me ashamed to be a fellow class­mate of theirs. I hate yoga pants. I've heard that what I refer to as yoga pants, some consider to be "leggings." I'll elimi­nate confusion by offering a Jeff Foxworthy-esque defini­tion: you might be wearing yoga pants if you are wearing form-fitting spandex tights and it is rainy out, or you need a self-esteem boost, or you are fulfilling exhibitionist desires, or you don't know how else to express your sexuality, or if you are wearing attire that is so skin-tight and so form-fitting that I can see your vagina. There, I said it. Yes, ladies of RWU, when you wear yoga pants and your shirt stops at your waist, I can see your lady parts. Yoga pants do not count as real pants; they, unlike actual pants, reveal the intimate cur­vature of women's bodies with unabashed honesty. Yoga pants are opaque nudity. Now, I refuse to be called a pervert for noticing that sex organ of yours that is separated from me by only a thin layer of spandex. I am not asking for you to show me; you are show­ing me and asking me not to look. There is a difference. And also, I understand that yoga pants are soooo frickin' comfy and that because other women wear them, you get secret female style points for publicly demonstrating your ability to be a part of a trend. I respect your right to be comfortable and to earn these points. But I still don't like them, and I don't like how many women on this campus wear them. I wonder, women, when you wear yoga pants, why you don't just wear a shirt, or a sweater, or a vest, or a jacket, or some article of clothing that is long enough to reach below your waist. Why is the trend to wear spandex-based, highly form-fitting pants, and not to cover your privates? Don't you remember that scene from Little Miss Sun­shine? About a specific part of a camel's foot? About the embar­rassment? The awkwardness? That's how I feel when I see you. And it is an embarrassment and awkwardness fraught with mixed emotions. There are an abundance of very attrac­tive women on campus and, I must admit, I don't think yoga pants are all bad. Yoga pants make butts look good, and I can't truly blame you yoga-pant wearers for wanting to flaunt. Part of me is, at heart, a yoga pants fan. But the rest of me stubbornly objects. I can't help but feel that women who wear yoga pants have a false modesty that says, "I want to show off my body, but I am too embarrassed to be overtly sexual, so I will just wear skin-tight, curve-revealing clothing to satisfy my exhibitionist desires in socially acceptable means." There's nothing wrong with personal empowerment, but there is something phony about the way women seem to do it by wearing yoga pants. I get the sense that women wear yoga pants to feel sexy without getting judged as a slut, yet I see something demeaning in women wear­ing yoga pants and parading around their half-silhouetted vaginas all day. I sincerely encourage you, ladies of RWU, to feel sexy and be comfortable in your own skin. But please realize this: when you are immodestly flaunting your body by wearing next-to-nothing clothes and thinking that you're still keep­ing it classy, the joke is on you.

I saw this over on BarstoolU and had to blog about it myself. I just have the most unbelievable fetish for these things it's sick. I'd almost rather, scratch that, I'd rather see a girl in these pants than in a bikini, thong, or naked. There. I might write an entire article about how much I LOVE these fucking things. But for someone not to just not like them, but hate them? That might require some sort of head scan right?

So it's fair to question if this Ben character has the gay, right? I mean what heterosexual human being hates yoga pants? Hates them enough to write an article about hating them? Hates them enough to like them? I mean that's what he's doing here right? Just constantly puking up information about how amazing they are and how much he hates them for being so great. Then he convinces himself he likes them? "I don't think yoga pants are all bad. Yoga pants make butts look good, and I can't truly blame you yoga-pant wearers for wanting to flaunt." Ummmmm, okay. So you like them? You hate them? Someone get this kid the gaydar immediately.

Anna Benson Is Back

ESPN - Anna Benson, the wife of former Mets pitcher Kris, is currently taping segments of a new VH1 show entitled, "Baseball Wives," the Post reports. According to the report, the show is currently filming in Scottsdale, Ariz., and also includes the wives of Matt Williams and Ron Villone and the ex-wives of Jason Kendall and Mark Grace. “We are not like the ‘Basketball Wives,’ ” Benson told the Post. “We are classy.” Kris last pitched in the majors in 2010, when he made three appearances for the Arizona Diamondbacks.


Great, more of this attention whore. I don't know if I've ever seen a wife more famous than a Major Leaguer, but Kris Benson really was just that bad. Not only was he really shitty, but he had ZERO personality. It's almost like he never existed at all. No one would remember this guy if his slut wife didn't run around naked and picking fights with people because Kris was a pussy.

And what's with this show? "Baseball Wives"? Shouldn't their husbands actually be playing baseball? And shouldn't a prerequisite be that they're married to a major leaguer? Look at the garbage lineup they put together for this show: Anna Benson (husband sucked and no longer plays), Tanya Grace (not even married to Mark Grace anymore plus he's been retired about 33 years), Chantel Kendall (no longer married to Jason Kendall) and Brooke Villone (oh still married to Ron Villone the journeyman left handed specialist). Seriously, that's all they could get? Yeah can't wait to tune into the lives of gold digging women who fucked up and married the most unattractive untalented baseball players. Should make for awesome TV not.

PS - Anna Benson, you're classy?

1992 called they want their barbwire tattoo back. Boom roasted.

iPhone Siri Argument - Hilarious.

I haven't been to this site in about 10 years, so finding this today was amazing. Forgot this that site existed. Enough about that, just nothing more to say, this video is just fucking hilarious. ASK MY WIFE IF SHE'S FUCKING JIM MCPHEARSON!!!!

Asshole Dictators Eliminate School From Playoffs Over Stupid Technicality

Yahoo - Westminster (Md.) Senior High finished the 2011 regular season with a sparking 9-1 record, replete with a string of seven consecutive blowout wins to finish the campaign. In those seven games, the Owls outscored their opponents by an enormous edge of 289-33. The penultimate victory in that string came against Manchester (Md.) Valley High, by a score of 57-7. Yet, technically, that game will go down as a loss, and a particularly costly one at that, because of what happened on their final drive. With the game already well in hand, Westminster coach Brad Wilson inserted a junior varsity player for the team's final offensive possession. Unfortunately, because that player had already competed in a junior varsity game earlier that week, he was technically ineligible to compete at the varsity level within the same seven-day period in accordance with a little-known bylaw within the Maryland Public Secondary Schools Athletic Association rulebook. That meant that the entire Manchester Valley rout was deemed a forfeit, with that loss bumping Westminster to 8-2, and out of the forthcoming North Region playoffs. Making the matter all the more disappointing is that Wilson went out of his way to ensure that he wouldn't be breaking any rules by playing the junior varsity star. Before the Manchester Valley game, Wilson asked his athletic director, Terry Molloy, if the player would be eligible to play. Molloy then consulted with Carroll County Public Schools supervisor of athletics Jim Rodriguez, who told the AD and coach that the player would be eligible.

Yo fuck this Rodriguez guy. Are all people named Rodriguez who are involved in sports complete assholes or is it just me? We've got this guy, A-Rod and Rich Rodriguez just dragging the Rodriguez name through the mud. How the fuck do you just tell everyone shit is all good when you probably were busy jerking off under your desk instead of actually making sure it was legal this kid played. If I was on this team I would be going absolutely batshit crazy. We run through the regular season on Madden Amateur level to make it to the promise land and we're booted because our 57-7 win counts as a loss? Yo F-U-C-K THAT. Absolutely no way that's acceptable. The coach did the right thing, he went to his higher ups, the AD then the fucking Carroll County Public Schools Supervisor for Tim Tebow sake and somehow it's the teams fault?? Just absolute horse shit. This should be a fucking crime, someone in that district is pussy fucking scared of this team and obviously does not want them in the playoffs stomping all over their dicks 57-7.

Also, who the fuck is this JV kid that it was so necessary he played 1 offensive drive at the end of a blowout game? What was the reasoning for that anyway? Is it Hershel Walkers son? What other reason could it be? All I know is, that kid better be starting for this team next year and better get drafted out of high school.

Drunk Kid Crashes Into Cop Who Just So Happens To Be On DWI Patrol

Newsday - A 22-year-old Coram man was arrested and charged with drunken driving Thursday morning -- after he crashed into an officer driving on DWI patrol, Suffolk County police said. A mug shot taken after his arrest shows Kevin Daly, 22, of Coram, wearing a shirt that reads: "I'M NOT AN ALCOHOLIC. I'M A DRUNK. ALCOHOLICS GO TO MEETINGS." He was charged with DWI. Police said he also was issued several traffic summonses. The officer was injured in the crash and was transported to Stony Brook University Medical Center, where he was treated and released, police said. The identity of the officer was not released. Police said Daly, driving a 2000 Saturn, attempted to turn right from County Road 83, North Ocean Avenue, onto Route 25A in Mount Sinai just before 2 a.m. Thursday when he struck the marked patrol car as it headed east on Route 25A. The road was closed between North Ocean and Coram-Mount Sinai Road for about 4 1/2 hours following the crash. Daly is scheduled for arraignment Thursday in First District Court in Central Islip.

Well someone obviously wasn't doing their job out there. You're on DWI patrol and couldn't find a drunk driver until they literally T-boned your fucking squad car? You just can't script this shit. Add to that this kids fuckin' shirt, seriously if this isn't the best DWI mugshot of all-time then kill me now. I almost feel like it had to be staged, like the asshole cops were behind the camera making him to weird poses and one of them in the back screams out "PUT THIS SHIRT ON PUSSY!" Probably beat the shit out of this kid all night in the holding cell - seriously this is almost worse than killing a cop.... Almost killing a cop. Because now not only is the entire police force wanting to beat your ass - but the cop that you didn't finish the job on is now hunting you down, I mean I don't know if I can write up another scenario worse than that. This kid may only get a couple months in jail and he might be "free".... But getting harassed and pulled over every two seconds for changing the radio station while driving - he's pretty much locked up for the rest of his life if you think about it.

Teacher Talks Shit To Special Needs Student

By any chance... You think this kids dad is a Flyers fan?

Kevin Kolb Doing The Eagles Dirty And I Love It

Yahoo - Kevin Kolb didn't suit up for the Arizona Cardinals on Sunday, but he played a key role in the team's upset victory over his former team, the Philadelphia Eagles. The injured Cardinals quarterback, who was traded from Philadelphia in the offseason, was able to recognize some of Michael Vick's(notes) play-calls during the game and relay that information to his defensive teammates. Kolb told 94 WIP: "During the two-minute drill, you almost feel guilty. Mike's sitting there giving the signals, and I'm standing there on our sidelines, screaming at our corners, 'Hey it's a go ball, hey he's running a screen, hey he's running a slant.' How much of an effect do I really have? I'm screaming to one guy. He may hear me, he may not. Luckily for us at that point, the crowd was pretty dead and some of our guys could maybe hear it."

I fucking love it. I mean how arrogant is Andy Reid? I mean he has every right to be, he's a proven winner. Just dominates the NFL to the tune of playoff collapses and zero Super Bowl's not to mention his doppelganger is a walrus. I mean if my kids were coke heads and sent to prison for being white trash drug addicts I'd be arrogant and cocky as shit also. I know if my starting QB from the prior season was coming to play my team, last thing I would think about is changing the QB's audibles and hang signals, no fucking way would that ever cross my mind. I'd just assume Kevin Kolb is an okay fella who would never try to gain an advantage for his 14 point underdog team, he'd just sit back and get embarrassed on his return trip to his former team, sure.

Week 11 Picks: Rock Bottom (@mspici)

I'm 0-9 over the last three weeks.

Broncos +6: White Jesus.
Dolphins -1: Bills are a fraud.
Packers -14: Best team in football, hands down.

Record: 12-16-2

Houston, You Have a Problem: Intellectually Challenged Fans

A little background: the Houston Astros are currently being sold to a new owner. As part of the deal, the new owners are asking for a $70 million discount on the purchase price because the team will be moved to the American League West. Where they came up with this number is beyond me.

An informal Houston Chronicle online poll last month showed 76 percent of the respondents opposing a league change, with 35 percent vowing to sever their allegiance if the Astros were to join the AL.

A formal offline poll that I just conducted confirmed that 76 percent of Houston residents are fucking idiots, while 35% are officially retarded.

Ok, let me lay out the options here.  You can either be in a division with:

A)     Six teams where only one team is guaranteed to make the playoffs, or

B)      Five teams where only one team is guaranteed to make the playoffs

76% of Astros fans would prefer A, apparently.

Would you like to see your team in the playoffs 16.6% of the time or 20% of the time? Yea, I’m good with 16.6%, thanks for asking.  

God, I’m glad I live in Vegas.

That's What I Am Fucking Talking About

Washington Post: NEW HAVEN, Conn. - Yale quarterback Patrick Witt has decided to give up the opportunity to compete for a Rhodes Scholarship in order to play against archrival Harvard.

The school announced Sunday that Witt has withdrawn his Rhode application, despite being a finalist for the prestigious scholarship. The scholarship interview had been scheduled for Saturday, the same day as what is simply called “The Game.”

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The school had been trying to get the interview moved to Friday. But Witt, a senior transfer from Nebraska, said he decided to withdraw the application because, “My focus this week is solely on preparing for The Game alongside my teammates and coaches.”
 

This story omitted the best quote from Witt, "These assholes won't meet me a day early? Fuck 'em. I'm withdrawing my app."

Finally, a Yale athlete does something awesome. That hasn't happened since Clint Frank won the Heisman in 1937.

Seriously, Rhode Scholarship people? An interview on a Saturday that can't be moved? Really? You assholes can't rearrange your schedule to accommodate this kid? Anyone who wins this scholarship is basically guaranteed to make a bazillion majillion dollars during their lifetime, and you pompous pricks can't help this kid out?

I am 1000% rooting for Yale in The Game.

Plain and Simple

This sick fuck:

...deserves this:

Jerry Sandusky, if convicted of even a fraction of the shit he's accused of doing, should be given the death penalty.

Plain and simple.

Rex Being Rex

Now I know this happened Sunday, but I can't see this shit at work so I finally found it. It's funnier than I thought it'd be - clear as shit too. Like there's no mistaking he told that guy to shut the fuck up. I figured, ah cell phone camera probably can barely hear a thing, oh no - this was perfect. Fucking awesome, too. Dude it's 13-9, no way you know we're going to get our fucking asses kicked in the second half as Belichick bends me over for 30 minutes straight so shut the fuck up. Classic Rex.

Michael Jackson's Killer Can't Deal With Life Anymore And Wants To Kill Himself

TMZ - Dr. Conrad Murray has been telling people who have visited him in jail ... he no longer has the will to live and he wants to kill himself. We're told Murray cannot cope with the fact that he was found guilty of involuntary manslaughter, and even though his lawyers told him he needed to be prepared for the possibility of a guilty verdict, it never computed with him. Sources tell us, Murray has told various people he wanted to kill himself, including baby mama Nicole Alvarez, his bodyguard Jeff and his lawyers. He's told all of them he's lost his will to live. We've also learned Murray remains in the medical ward at L.A. County Jail, which is where he's been for more than a week. Sources directly connected with Murray tell us he has no physical ailments and he is there because he's on suicide watch. Steve Whitmore, the spokesperson for the L.A. County Sheriff's Dept., tells TMZ they will not comment on why Murray has been in the medical ward, adding, "A person's medical or mental health status in the Los Angeles County Jail is protected under the law."

Am I missing something here? Didn't this guy just get like 10 minutes in jail for killing the biggest superstar the world has ever seen? Why isn't he jumping for joy? Seriously - he hasn't even been sentenced yet and the highest possible jail time he can do is 4 years. Plaxico Burress fucking shot HIMSELF and did 2 years! This guy killed MJ and might just get probation so this guy can cut the bullshit act about suicide watch. Dude is playing reverse psychology like a motherfucker. He's probably planning the biggest pill party you've ever seen when he gets outta the clink. Conrad is so full of shit it's not even funny - like he gives a shit he can't be a doctor anymore, fuck that. He's gonna get outta jail, write a book, and make a bajillion dollars off of the fact he killed a famous person and got away with it. Only in America!

UPDATE: Murray faces a maximum of 4 years in State prison, although he will never serve a day in prison because of a new California law. If Murray is sentenced to 4 years, he'll serve a maximum of 2 in L.A. County Jail, and he could be eligible for house arrest.

This guy needs to quit whining. County Jail is for suckers give me a break.

Reyes Deal Imminent

Can't wait to be a part of the rebuilding process.

ESPN - Ken Rosenthal reports that the Marlins' offer to Reyes is for $90 million over six years. If that is indeed the starting point, then the Mets can forget about Reyes returning to Queens, tweets Adam Rubin of ESPNNew York.com. At that figure, the Mets would turn to Ruben Tejada as their starting shortstop for 2012. Amid all the speculation that Jose Reyes thoroughly enjoyed last week?s recruiting trip on South Beach, Mets general manager Sandy Alderson insists he has not dropped out of the sweepstakes for the free agent shortstop. Alderson tells Andy Martino of the NY Daily News he has remained in contact with Reyes' representatives since the shortstop began flirting with other teams, and he does not expect a fast resolution. Meanwhile, Brewers GM Doug Melvin revealed Monday that he has spoken to Reyes' camp once by phone but has not decided if he plans a full-court press for the shortstop. The Marlins apparently have made made Reyes a high priority and several reports suggest the two sides are close to a deal. Joe Capozzi of the Palm Beach Post cautions, however, that there is no agreement. Joel Sherman chimed in Monday afternoon via Twitter to note that an executive he spoke to says Reyes will not sign for anything less than $100 million.

The Mets are so pathetic it makes me embarassed to be from NY. I don't even like the Mets but this bothers me, makes us look like a bunch of pussies. Why couldn't they move this shitty franchise out to California? Bring the Dodgers back to the BK - looks like both franchises could use a little change in scenery.

Engrave The 2012 Gold Glove Award

ESPN - While some thought Brett Gardner should have won the Gold Glove over the Royals' Alex Gordon, Gardner thought he could have done more. "It is what it is," Gardner said. "It is obviously something I would have been very excited about. I'll be honest with you, there are things I could have done to be a little bit better last year on that side of the ball. I made a few mistakes that were careless that I shouldn't have made." Gardner said his four errors were the most he has "ever" had. Gardner said he will resume workouts soon, but thus far has been trying to enjoy his time off. "It is one of those things, I wasn't expecting to come home this early so I just tried to enjoy some time off, relax and get ready to get started for next year," said Gardner.

If I put together the season Brett Gardner did in the outfield in 2011, I'd be going batshit crazy that there were no arrests made after I got robbed of the Gold Glove award. But I'm not as classy as Brett Gardner, dude is pissed but instead of flipping shit he decides he's just going to get better. Is that even possible? He already covers the most ground in the major leagues with the highest Zone Rating and was tied for the league lead in Defensive Runs Saved with 20. Can the Yankees just use 5 infielders and leave him in left center and Granderson in right center? Makes sense right? This guy is a beast in the outfield, and with all the shit that went on with Alex Gordon inexplicably winning the award so Kansas City didn't complain and finally quit Major League Baseball since they never win anything - I expect the next 10 years to see a Gold Glove with this guys name on it.

NBA Players Reject Latest Offer - Odds Are There Will Be No Season

ESPN - The NBA players rejected the league's latest offer Monday and have begun the process to disband the union. The decision likely jeopardizes the 2011-12 NBA season, though NBA commissioner David Stern, in an interview on ESPN's "SportsCenter," declined to say the season would be canceled. "We're prepared to file this antitrust action against the NBA," union executive director Billy Hunter said. "That's the best situation where players can get their due process."

Marlins Close To Executing Power Move #1 - Kicking The Mets While They're Down After A Timeout Was Called Then Banging The Mets Mom And Sister

ESPN - ESPN Insider Buster Olney expects the Miami Marlins to sign Jose Reyes.

Money quote: "There is an expectation they will work something out with Reyes for something in the range of five years, $18-20M a year. They are seen as the team that's going to be most aggressive and he certainly fits the style that Ozzie Guillen loves to play. He loves to have a team that runs the bases aggressively, puts pressure on opposing defenses. Reyes would be a centerpiece for that with Hanley Ramirez moving to another position."

Mets fans, how do you feel about the prospect of seeing Reyes come back to Queens in a garish Miami uniform? Can a New York team ever justify losing a star player to a team from a smaller market, and what, if anything, should be done about it?

What a dick Buster Olney is. I'm not even a Mets fan and I feel like he just slapped me in the face. Hey Mets fans, how do you feel about this? How do you expect them to feel about this?? A pussy divisional team with no money is about to outwork you for your best player in free agency?? What kind of pussies do the Mets have in the front office? Seriously how does this happen? How does even the idea of him MAYBE signing with a divisional opponent or ANYONE ELSE for that matter even come up?? How have the Mets not made a substantial enough offer to retain it's only good player?? This is just wild to me, the Yankees might overpay for their guys, but they don't let them walk. No fucking way. That's how you win in this league, gotta be the bully - not the pussy. The Mets are absolutely the pussy in this situation if you didn't get that from this blog.

Week 10 Picks Look Good.

Ricky: 0-3 (16-12-2), 0-2 (3-9)

Mike: 0-3 (12-16-2)

Galt: 2-1 (9-8-1)

Thank God we had Galt decide to make picks this week or this might've looked bad. Mike's wheels have officially come off, but if I'm as crazy as I really am, I'm betting on every game he picks next week. There's just no way he can possibly go 0-3 four weeks in a row, right? I myself had my first 0-3 of the season, and it wasn't as fun as I thought it'd be. I actually really wasn't trying to do that. What a fucking disaster. Time to just wipe this one under the rug and thank the Lord I didn't bet this weekend.

Sucker Free Sunday: Week 10 LOCKS

3-0 last week, fucking dominating. Going to keep shit going and try and extend my lead in the standings. Let's go.

NY Giants +4 - Shocked this spread has been moving past 3, what do the Giants have to do? They go to New England and beat Brady and the Pats and now they're getting shit on like they can't win in San FranFuckingCisco? Give me a fucking break. It's hilarious to me how every analyst is on the 49ers dick about stopping the run - THE GIANTS DON'T RUN THE BALL! So stop that shit all you want, the Giants throw anyway and they will burn SF through the air because they have the MVP not named Rodgers at QB.

NY Jets -1 - Patriots literally have no clue what's going on. It's pure panic mode in Boston. People committing suicide over Eli beating them again. Not much to say here, I just think the Jets are hot and the Pats are NOT.

Detroit +3 - Chicago wins one game against the most overrated team on earth and now they're good? Give me a break. Jay Cutler is a fucking pussy, that's why they'll lose. How about that analysis.

2011 Record 16-9-2 (WC 3-7 gross)

Wild Card picks:

Philadelphia -13 - DeSean Jackson is out, who cares he hasn't done shit this year anyway. Vick throws for 350 and 4TD's against this gross Arizona defense.

Baltimore -6.5 - Seattle sucks dick. No home field advantage against the Ravens which they proved since they just won in Pittsburgh. Does Seattle even have an offense? Who cares they're playing the Ravens so it doesn't matter. Ravens might win by 30.