Julie Bowen Gets Absolutely Owned On The Red Carpet By Sofia Vergara; Immediately Points It Out And Jokes About It Trying To Play It Cool Means She Knows For Fact She Got Owned

Ummmm definitely does not help when you dress like a man.

Sofia Vergara and Julie Bowen have plenty of experience working together on "Modern Family," which took home the Golden Globe for Best TV Comedy Suday night. But when they bumped into each other on the red carpet of the Golden Globe Awards, Bowen couldn't help but observe that standing next to her co-star wasn't exactly her most flattering look. Vergara had been telling Ryan Seacrest about her pre-awards show fitness regimen -- which involved two-a-day gym workouts and a diet of cake -- when Seacrest noticed Bowen waiting off-camera, next in line for an interview. When he called over to join them, Bowen found herself in the unenviable position of standing next to the voluptuous Vergara. Bowen had to joke about it. "My dream, always, to stand next to Sofia," she quipped. The interview got sillier from there, as Vergara worried that she wouldn't be able to walk down the stairs because her dress was so tight. As she mentioned she might have to slide down the stairs, Bowen offered to block her from the camera's view with her gown, and lifted up the bottom of it in jest. Once Vergara was off-camera, Bowen couldn't help but continue to compare herself to her co-star. "I can out-gun her any day of the week," Bowen said, flexing her biceps to prove it.

Well at least you got the bigger muscle look going for you there Jules. She can act like she's joking all she wants, but there's no denying this was 100% serious. You know no girl wants to be upstaged on camera, and when it comes to upstaging there's no one better than Sofia Vergara. She's an absolute dick wrecker when she's not even trying, so her on the red carpet with her A game? That's a wrap. It's one of those games that's won on paper, one that you can safely say doesn't even need to be played. No chance for an upset here. Julie, don't even strap up the heels tonight, just save your energy and some gas mileage and watch from the couch, take some notes. Instead of barbell curls, try some yoga and two a day treadmill sessions like your girl here.





It's Official. Jessica Burciaga Has Moved From 1A To Undisputed Number 1 Over Arianny Celeste In The "Girls I'd Marry With Zero Prerequisite Of Ever Speaking To Or Getting To Know Them" Poll

So the one girl I've ever seen who could challenge Arianny Celeste in this ultra exclusive poll has been Jessica Burciaga. Well the last few days she's pretty much copied the NY Giants blueprint and has caught absolute fucking fire at the right time. Just stepping her game up when it matters the most. She's been Instagraming straight sex since literally the second I got my iPhone Saturday and whoever thinks that's a coincidence is absolutely nuts. This couldn't be more of a Giants/Packers scenario, sure her and Arianny have played each other close in the poll over the last year, but head to head this week it was a fucking blowout. Her little Instagram blitz changed the game - your move Arianny, good luck and all - but I don't think you can recover from this.

Click for more of this weeks Instagrams and Twitter shots:

I Hope To God Jessica Burciaga Is Telling The Truth About Not Banging Kobe

TotalProSports.com - Following the announcement that Kobe Bryant and his wife of 10-years, Vanessa, were filing for a divorce due to Kobe’s cheating tendencies, rumors have been swirling regarding who the Lakers’ superstar may have been sleeping with during his marriage.  The most recent name to come up in such discussions is former Playboy Playmate Jessica Burciaga. As you may have expected, Jessica has denied these rumors.  When confronted by a TMZ reporter while walking through the streets of LA last night, she responded to questions regarding her involvement with Kobe Bryant with two simple words: "Not I.” I’m still not sure whether I believe her denial, but if they haven’t already hooked up, I’m sure it won’t take Kobe much time to change that following his divorce.

Okay, I obviously have a little school boy crush on Jessica Burciaga, so thinking about the Black Mamba going to town on her just sucks. I hate that she's getting crazy pub now because of this, because she was perfect just how she had it. She wasn't Arianny Celeste territory with 80 thousand Twitter followers, she was hot enough to be known, but not big enough where she was too much celebrity. She had the balance, now people just know her as Kobe's slampiece and that shit sucks, balance is gone. TMZ hunting her down and shit, just ruins people. Interested to see where it goes from here, only positive that can come of this is a sex tape.... I can dream, right?

PS - Just checked her Twitter, swear that shit was at like 30,000 followers when I first started following her when I thought maybe one day we'd meet and she'd be swept off her feet by my charm and non-celebrity and her shit is at 111,000 followers. Fuck! I need a celebrity to have fake had sex with me, shit steps your game up to a whole nother level.

PPS - Sorry future wife(wives) you're getting cheated on 100 times out of 100, go ahead and try and blame me:

(More pics after the jump)

Whoever The Scout Is That Chose Mary Kate And Ashley Should Brush Up On His Long Range Projections A Little Bit

VS.



Betty Confidential - Have you seen Martha Marcy May Marlene yet? Because if you haven’t, you should. It’s a truly incredible film with a brilliant performance from an astonishing young actress. That actress is Elizabeth Olsen, and she wowed audiences and critics alike with her portrayal of a young woman readjusting to life with her family after returning from the clutches of an abusive cult in the Catskill Mountains. Now that awards season is kicking up, there’s all sorts of positive buzz surrounding this promising new star.

Nothing like growing up in the shadow of your horrid looking sisters while they get all the money and fame. That's okay though, Elizabeth here didn't cry about it, she decided she'd wait and pounce at the right moment. Be honest, I don't know what she was waiting for because there were plenty of moments to pounce and just murder her sisters like she is doing right here, but she has patience that I wasn't fortunate enough to receive when I was born. I mean maybe she felt bad because they're her sisters and she felt she probably shouldn't just curb stomp them like this, but I guess enough is enough. Like why do the skinny anorexic looking bitches get all the glory? Fuck that. Elizabeth just came out guns absolutely blazing here, effectively ruining her sisters careers with this one photo. She took notes out of the Aaron Rodgers playbook, instead of sitting backup to overrated players and pouting about it, she was planning her breakout season all along - and apparently she's an absolute stud actress, just learning from every single mistake her sisters made. That's a fucking professional right there. All I know is I'm rooting for her to just make it big time, but not big time enough she'd overlook me and not take my marriage proposal seriously.

More pics after the jump:

Who Is Maria Kirilenko And Why Did I Not Know She Existed?

Holy shitballs right? Like who is this little fireplug and where did she come from?? Russia, of course. What is it with the US right now? Is Serena Williams really the best we can come up with? Russia just brings smoke after smoke onto the tennis scene and we answer with Serena Williams. Great. Just rolling in Anna Kournikova and Maria Sharapova like it's no big deal in we roll out a cross between Patrick Willis and Brandon Jacobs.... Seriously what is this? We need to step our fuckin' game up, Russia is obviously still pissed about the Cold War and Rocky kicking their dicks in so they're just breeding super athletes who are hot as fuck to come take over our country. Our entire country is going down the toilet I say we swallow our pride a bit and take a page out of Russia's playbook here and start creating girls as hot as this that are athletic enough to still look hot playing a sport.

More pics:

Is Miranda Kerr The Most Marriable Girl Ever?

People - Miranda Kerr remembers her first visit to a Victoria’s Secret store; she was 16, a foreign exchange student living in Virginia. “I was like, ‘Wow! This is like a wonderland. We don’t have anything like that in Australia,’” she recalls to New York magazine. Several years later, she was blown away by the company again — but this time, it was because she was the first Australian model to get a contract with the brand. “I just remember the first time I met Adriana [Lima], she was so beautiful,” Kerr says. “I was like, ‘Why would they want me? I mean, look at her. She’s incredible.’ And then I met Heidi and Gisele and I was like, ‘What am I doing here?’” Now one of the company’s most recognizable faces — and the model who has the honor of wearing the $2.5-million “Fantasy Treasure Bra” in tonight’s Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show — Kerr is more confident about her place in the fashion world. “I always see myself as, like, equal to everyone,” she says of her fellow models. “I can’t feel bad about being who I am, just like the girl next to me can’t feel bad about being who she is. A rose can never be a sunflower, and a sunflower can never be a rose.” In fact, Kerr hopes her attitude toward beauty resonates with her fans. “All flowers are beautiful in their own way, and that’s like women too,” she shares. “I want to encourage women to embrace their own uniqueness.”

Yeah whatever I watched the Victoria Secret fashion show last night, but only because Jay-Z was performing.... Yeah right. I grew up with Victoria Secret, shit was the first porn I ever got my hands on. Tyra Banks, Heidi Klum, these girls were like watching Hall of Famers in their prime. It's kind of like SNL and growing up watching Chris Farley throw himself through tables and Adam Sandler when he was funny. And now how I'm not really up with the new cast, and I never find them funny enough - just always a step behind.. Well that's what I felt about the new Victoria Secret girls, the only one who stepped right in and didn't have me question their advanced scouts was Marissa Miller. She was a five tool player that was just a machine in the magazines, never took a play off she was relentless. Then last night I discovered this girl Miranda Kerr....

Now I've heard of her before, but never really saw her. And the show was great because not only do you see these girls, but listening to them speak changes so much about how you look at them. Like hearing their dumb accents on some of them makes them completely unattractive. Like Alessandra Ambrosio sounds like a man with a nasal allergy and is no longer attractive to me. But Miranda Kerr, holy shitballs, she's flat out amazing. She's the kind of amazing that had me daydreaming about meeting her at a bar and hoping she's down to earth and not into money or really attractive people so maybe we'd get married then realizing she's married already and immediately finding myself plotting how to kill her fucking asshole husband. She's that kind of attractive. She has that Australian accent, the kind that's just straight dick wrecking sexy but not obnoxious like she thinks her Australian accent is the best thing on earth where she just shows off on every word. She just does everything right.

So I can see why Victoria Secret gave her the honor of wearing the $2.5 million dollar bra last night, seriously who else is more deserving? This girl had a kid IN JANUARY and is rocking one of the hottest bodies on the planet right now. And she's not one of those stick figure gross models, this girl has ass. That's what's up. And she just seems like the coolest fucking girl ever, too - like not some stuck up slutbag who's really just into this shit to bang Kanye West backstage and do lines of coke everywhere, or some idiot who just says "I want world peace" to every question they're asked and does humanitarian efforts with their free time.

She just seems like she'd be down to chill and have a beer while watching football on a Sunday, and really that's all it's about. Pop out a couple kids, rock $2.5 million dollar bras for me that I didn't have to buy for you because you're so hot companies just make them specifically for you, and let me show you off at reunion parties and shit. Boom, life is made.

Some pics after the jump:

Some No Name MMA Guy Takes Little Boy Approach At Arianny Celeste

Las Vegas Weekly - Who are you pulling for in the Ring Girl of the year category?

"We only had one and that was Chandella [Powell]. The other was the IQ card girl. Arianny [Celeste] kind of walks around and holds up her latest test score. One time when there was a title fight, she got all the way up to five and we were very proud of her."

This move is so obvious it's embarrassing. There's only two possible reasons this nobody went out of his way to say something like that about Arianny. One: The classic approach every first grader uses to get a girls attention when he's in love with them, just make fun of them until they cry. Or Two: He stumbled up to her drunk at one of these Vegas parties and she shut him down and embarrassed him in front of everyone. Or both.

Frankly it doesn't even matter, this guy is outside of his mind for ever saying that shit in the first place. Two reasons. One: Now everyone thinks he's a gayball. Two: Every guy knows you WANT girls to be dumb as a rock. I mean for what reason would you need them to count to 5 for? No way you ever say "Hey toots, go get me 7 beers from the fridge", that's just irresponsible because no way they will stay cold outside of the fridge by the time you get to number 6. Fact. Nor do we say "Hey sugartits, go make me a sandwich multiplied by 80 divided by 40" no, you say "Go make me two sandwiches." Now if you add the words "STAT", "pronto" or "on the double" that's on you, you're gonna have to deal with the 3 and 3/8th sandwiches she comes back with.

Wayne Gretzky Really Is The Greatest

Because he produced Paulina Gretzky. Pres has featured her now multiple times over on Barstool and she was also been featured on what I think is the greatest GTA I've ever seen posted on that site. Anyone who knows me knows that I am on the brunette side of the fence when it comes to this blonde vs. brunette rivalry, but I honestly consider this girl one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen in my life. She's an absolute 11 out of 10 I really don't think I've seen anyone hotter than this besides maybe Arianny Celeste. Those two would create the most insane blonde vs. brunette showdown I think I've ever had to see, wouldn't be able to choose.

Introducing Paulina Gretzky:



More pics after the jump....

Happy Friday

Introducing Prudence Moe. Ass for daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays.

Say Goodbye To Alyssa Milano

 

 
 
M&C - The 38-year-old was quick to take to her Twitter page to declare her love for the new little one.
 

She tweeted Wednesday: 'Thank you for all the well wishes for my son Milo. My heart has tripled in size. I love him more than all the leaves on all the trees.'
 

Alyssa revealed the pregnancy on social networking website Twitter last February, and in March announced that it'd be a boy.

There goes one off of my all-time top 10 list. Just figured she'd be on the market forever until I was ready to commit, don't even know what to say... Just a little at a loss for words here. I mean, I'll always have a special place in my heart for her, but we all know what's about to happen here. She's always looked drop dead gorgeous, but she was never one of those gym rats like Halle Berry. Like we all knew Halle was going to look like this at 45 prancing around on a beach, but I don't think we have that kind of solid feeling about Alyssa. I can see her go either way after this baby thing, but she's not an attention whore so why bother killing yourself trying to lose the baby weight? What does she care at this point? And she's not 30 years old you know? She's real close to that big time 4-0. I'm just praying she can hang in there because she's one of my all-time favorites, depends how the writers vote - maybe she's not an automatic first ballot, but with her resume and lack of PED speculation, I'd have to vote her in on her first year of eligibility. She's done it all naturally and she played the game the right way. Said to see her leave the game with some tread left on the tires.

ROCK THAT GIANTS GEAR! ROCK THE SHIT OUT OF THAT MILANO!

ENOUGH LYING! JUST TELL US THE TRUTH!

Hello Friday.

I've Got Your Hump Day Right Here

Who's Boobies?!