NFL KICKOFF WEEK!! 2012 LOCK PICKS!! SUCKER FREE SUNDAY'S ARE BACK!!

It's like Christmas around here with the NFL season upon us, and what better way to get things going than betting money on games amongst friends? Between shit like this and fantasy football, I'm willing to bet I lose my job within the next 3 months, would also take side-bets that I'm living on the street in less than 6. While I'm here, I offer you my picks:

New Orleans -7.5 vs. Washington - Normally I'd be weary of that little half point, but I'm not right here. The Saints are an offensive hurricane at home (too soon?). They tend to struggle on the road, but since that doesn't apply here I'll take them in a home opener against a suspect defense and rookie QB. With all the uncertainty surrounding their coaching staff and defense, the one thing that is certain is Drew Brees. That's really all that matters.

Buffalo +3 @ NY Jets - I hate to go against the Jets here, I think they have a rabid fan base that should make MetLife Stadium pretty crazy for their home opener... But I believe in the Bills. Since they signed this guy Mario Williams, I believe in them. I never thought I'd say this back in 2006, but Mario Williams justifiably went #1 in that draft. Guy is an absolute beast, and according to my mom and dad who met him at Yankee Stadium a couple months ago - the guy is nice as hell, too. I think he tremendously improves a defense that wasn't THAT terrible last season. They also stole Mark Anderson from New England, further strengthening their edge rush while weakening a division opponent, love that move. They have Marcell Dareus back for a full offseason in his second year paired with Kyle Williams inside, making this what I think will be an elite defensive front in 2012. Pair that with the extremely well documented troubles the Jets offense has been having and I find it extremely difficult to believe the Jets can spot anyone points right now..



NY Giants -4 vs. Dallas - I hate to pick against the Jets and then go pick for the Giants, but it's just that kind of "Perfect Storm" kind of scenario, if you will. I think with all the talk about Victor Cruz (and deservedly so), people are forgetting just how good Hakeem Nicks is, sometimes I think he's almost too quiet for his own good. The Cowboys are riddled with injuries to key guys, most notably Jason Witten. He probably won't play which severely hurts Dallas. Miles Austin is one mistep away from his hamstring permanently exploding, and Dez Bryant is about one backhand to a woman away from being banned from the NFL. The Cowboys are starting two new cornerbacks in 2012. One, a cornerback who has never faced top-flight WR's and comes from a pretty small market, was a 5th round pick and has somehow parlayed 8 career interceptions in 4 years into a $50 million dollar contract and all the expectations in the world. Two, a rookie who has an IQ which matches up pretty well with his jersey number whose teammate in college who went up against him every day in practice now plays for the Giants and knows all his weaknesses. Good luck guys. Should be fun trying to defend Eli Manning during NFL's Kickoff Game while the entire world watches you get torched. The more I think about this, the more I love it. And I didn't even talk about the Giants defensive line, wow. #JPP #DPOY

Wild Card Games

Indianapolis +9 @ Chicago - I don't want to miss the Luck bandwagon. I honestly like what I've seen from him, if he plays like he has throughout the preseason, then he's already a solid starting QB. I think that makes Indianapolis a little more respectful than the spread indicates. I like them to hold their own.

Kansas City +3 vs. Atlanta - Behind Chicago, my most hated team due to hype and overratedness has got to be the Atlanta Falcons. Again, they come into a year with a ton of hype, can they deliver? We'll see what this overrated defense can do against Jamaal Charles and Peyton Hillis. I think KC will control the ball, and they've got a very underrated pass rush that can disrupt Matty Ice. I love me some Julio Jones, but a WR isn't winning you games on the road all by himself. Wouldn't be surprised if KC wins this one straight up. Should be week one of sixteen on the road to Comeback Player of the Year for Jamaal Charles.

2012 Record: 0-0 (Wild Card 0-0)

What The Hell Was That?

How embarrassing is this to watch? Like my entire face turned red when he made contact with that ball. I think his body language says it all. If you guys can't read body language it says "35-10? Fuck this shit I'm out."

Sucker Free Sunday: Week 13 LOCKS

First of all, I can't believe it's week 13 already - shit is flying by.... As Darren McFadden sits on the bench... Things have slowed down after a blazing hot start for me, but things could be worse and I could pick like Mike so things are still looking up.. We all had good weeks last week, but this week I feel a little stronger about some games than others, I like what's on tap this weekend:




If that's not the greatest picture in sports I don't know what is.

Seattle +3 - The Eagles are coming off a fucking embarrassing rout at home against the Patriots. They were up 10-0 and still managed to lose 38-20. They looked lost on defense and had no idea what to do on offense but throw the ball up for grabs. Desean Jackson is busy getting benched on a weekly basis, Rogers-Cromartie, Maclin and Vick are out and now Nnamdi Asomugha and LeSean McCoy are questionable. I just don't see a team getting up after a demoralizing loss to go cross country to play the Seahawks without half of their starters.

RODGGGGAAAAS! DISCOUNT DOUBLE CHECK!!

Green Bay -6.5 - Look, I'm a die hard Giants fan. Even I can't understand how this spread is closing and getting smaller. The fact it's not two touchdowns is blowing my mind. Aaron Rodgers is going to discount double check all over this spread, he barely throws incompletions let alone INT's and the Giants only weapon is their missing pass rush which I saw on a milk carton last week. They're starting 6th round draft picks and undrafted FA's at linebacker, so expect Jermichael Finley to have a huge day over the middle and Jordy Nelson and Randall Cobb to be running free across the middle all day. Not sure how the Giants figure out how to slow this offense down, let alone stop them.

Arizona +4.5 - This is just going off of recent performances. In Dallas' last five games, they're 1-4 ATS - eeking out victories against Washington (OT) and Miami at home by 1 point. Arizona on the other hand is 4-1 in their last five, beating Philly on the road and narrowly missing a win AT Baltimore. They have a solid run defense which will be tough for DeMarco Murray to navigate and John Skelton is figuring out all he has to do is throw the ball to Larry Fitzgerald who should smoke Dallas' below average secondary.

2011 Record: 19-15-2 (WC 5-11)

Wild Card Picks

Carolina +3 - Okay, I feel like we do this literally every single week. This is a game I feel Carolina will win straight up so even if they don't, Mr. Cover All The Time will make things happen.

Kansas City +8 - Look I know I consistently go against the Bears, but even WITH Jay Cutler, how is the spread this high? They have Caleb Hanie behind center. I also think the addition of Kyle Orton will help Kansas City decipher some of Chicago's calls - Ala Kevin Kolb in Philadelphia. There's just nothing to like about this game, two backup QB's going after it, but I like KC's pass rush - if they can keep a game close against Pittsburgh they can definitely keep it close against Chicago with Hanie back there.

Bet Your Beer Money On It Week 1 Picks

Alright, it's week 1 - Probably the toughest week to predict. So many things can happen, so many teams will surprise, but these are the three games I refuse to believe will defy recent history.


Kansas City -7

The Bills are a joke, always have been. They even made going to 4 straight Super Bowls comical and unrespectable. I love Kansas City at home and love their running game. I think they dominate time of possession and use their underrated defense to do work on a weak Bills offense. Wouldn’t even count out Eric Berry for a pick 6 in this one.

Wide right?

Detroit +1

I don’t know when Tampa Bay started getting all this respect, but I’m not on their bandwagon. I am however on Detroit’s. They have a ton of young talent that’s been together for a while now. They show glimpses of it, but can’t seem to stay healthy long enough to reap any benefits from it. Right now everyone is healthy and they have a seriously scary defensive front. I cover my eyes when I watch Ndamukong Suh play, he scares me. I think they handle Tampa’s running game and force Josh Freeman into some mistakes that he forgot to make his rookie year. Detroit used to be an awful road team, but those days are behind them, this is a very talented young team.

Can't bet against Megatron.

Philadelphia -4


I know that Peyton Manning is out, but Houston is a 10 point favorite over the Colts. The Eagles are preseason favorites to reach the Super Bowl and only 4 point favorites on the Rams? On turf? With two of the fastest most explosive play makers in the league? Yeah I’ll take the dynamic offense in a dome on turf against a shaky defense every day of the week and twice on Sunday’s. Double the spread I’m still taking Philly.

Anti-Vick vs. Vick