Friday, September 30, 2011

Week 4 Picks: Don't Bet your Life On It

Finally, a winning week. First time that's happened all year. Feels good to get the monkey off my back. Now we can do some actual damage.
Giants -1.5: This is not an optimal situation for the Giants travelling cross-country after a huge road victory against their biggest rival. However, the Cardinals are not a good football team. They barely survived Cam Newton in Week 1, narrowly lost to the Skins in Week 2, and lost in Seattle last week. With Beanie Wells listed as a GTD (fantasy football kryptonite), Larry Fitzgerald is their only threat. Assuming the Giants double him all game – and there’s no reason not to – they should be able to leave the desert victorious.

Chargers -7: San Diego let Kansas City hang around for way too long last week. If the Chiefs had one of the top 28 quarterbacks in the league, they probably win that game. Luckily for the Chargers, they don’t and Matt Cassel played like himself in the fourth quarter. Despite the win, the Bolts have to be a little embarrassed that they only won by three despite being 15-point favorites. I think they come out on a mission this week and dominate.
Always tough betting on this guy

Packers -13.5: Aaron Rodgers is going to pick this secondary apart all day long. This should be over in the first quarter.

Record: 3-5-1

Who Wins In A Fight? Muhammad Ali vs Mike Tyson


I must've heard this question a billion times, and I still can't understand how this is still even a question. Here are the only stipulations: Both fighters are in their primes. We'll say Ali around 1965-'66 when he became champion and started his run of title defenses and Tyson around 1986-'87 when he was the first heavyweight of all-time to hold all three WBA, WBC, and IBF titles at the same time.

The answer is clearly Tyson. I can't fucking stand people who argue these two points:

"Oh well Ali could defeat you with his mind, he was intelligent."

-Shut the fuck up. Are you kidding me? Have you heard Mike Tyson speak?? He's the one who would fuck with your mind.

"It was a different era, different fighters. Ali fought tougher competition."

-Then why ask this question in the first place you idiot? It's not Tyson's fault he was better than everyone on earth. By a lot.

Look, Ali might have been quick on his feet, but so was Tyson. No one in history combined speed and power like Tyson. Just watch highlights of this guy, he was an absolute monster. Ali could dance like a butterfly all he wants but Tyson was just as quick and he would no doubt knock his fucking head off. Ali tried toying with Tyson like that and I guarantee he'd get hurt. Yeah Ali is bigger at 6'3 but did that matter to all the other guys Tyson knocked out?

Tyson started his career with 19 knockouts and 12 of them came in the first round. He knocked out Larry Holmes in the 4th round of a fight. Why does that matter? At the end of his career, through 78 professional fights - Holmes had been knocked out 1 time.... And it was by Mike Tyson.

I just don't see a counterargument here. Tyson was the best there was, you put him against anyone and he would just brutally knock them out, didn't matter who you were. In their primes, I just don't see this even being a contest. Tyson via TKO in the 3rd round.

How Fucked Are The Red Sox?

Sure when you collapse worse than anyone in Major League history, someone has to take the blame, but I'll tell you what - when that guy is the only manager to win you a World Series in a billion years - find someone the fuck else to blame. No way this guy deserves to be fired in my opinion. Guy should get the respect to leave on his own terms for services past rendered. It's not like they wouldn't win with him in the saddle next year, but now I'm really wondering how bad this team will be without him there.

As a Yankees fan I was spoiled growing up with Joe Torre as the manager. Was always cool under pressure, even keeled, calm, respectful, fired up when he needed to be. Same goes for Francona in my opinion. I hated the Red Sox with all I had, but always respected (most of) them. Francona ran that team the right way, he gave them slack at times but always knew when to pull the reigns. He had to manage absolute clowns like Manny Ramirez, Kevin Millar, Byung-Hyun Kim, Pedro Martinez, just a bunch of look-at-me guys - and he won. He was able to put a tent on the circus and win an impossible championship, and he did it twice. There's always hatred in the Red Sox/Yankees rivalry and fans say a lot of shit, but real fans will always have a certain level of respect for an opponent and I have the utmost for Francona. Guy was always good with the media, handled winning and losing well, just seemed like a good guy - I never looked at him like I would look at Manny - that he's good but wouldn't want him to be a Yankee. I'd take Francona in a heartbeat to be the manager of the Yankees. I'm glad they lost in absolutely epic fashion, but I wish Francona the best and hope he has success where ever he ends up - and whatever team that is will be lucky to have him.

Theo Epstein should fire himself, would be the best move he made this year.

Sucker Free Sunday: Week 4 LOCKS

I am 6-2-1 through three weeks so far, damn I should be charging for this type of expertise. Lost money risking a parlay on my three locks, but Atlanta fucked me hard, but I'm coming back strong this week. There are a lot of nice spreads out there, but I love three of them:

Detroit +1 - I am so on the Lions bandwagon I can't even stand it. They might go 16-0. Seriously though, how are they underdogs in this game? The Cowboys scratched out wins against the 49ers and the Redskins. I don't care what anyone says the Redskins are not a good team and they couldn't register a TD against them. Romo is still not 100% which means he's got an even better shot at making "I wish I was Brett Favre" throws and getting picked off. I think Calvin Johnson continues on his pace to score 94 TD's and the Lions win by a touchdown in Dallas.

New Orleans -7 - I don't understand this spread. Colston coming back this week, against the Blaine Gabbert led Jacksonville Jaguars. 7 points? Jax needs at least 21 to start, right? Brees and the Saints just put up 40 and outscored Matt Schaub and the Texans by 7. You really think the Jaguars are keeping pace with the Saints? Unless MJD is running, throwing, and catching all over the field then there's no chance in hell this game is within 14 points. This is an absolute lock.

Miami +7 - I don't like the Chargers. I said it. They don't have Gates healthy, they haven't been able to find a rythym offensively and I hate their defense. They're notoriously a terrible first half team, and they almost lost to the Kansas City Chiefs last week as 14 point favorites. I think this game stays close and will be decided by a FG.

"Who The Fuck Is Swagstein?!"

Some of you might have seen a couple posts I've done on Barstool NY and have absolutely no idea who I am. Swagstein itself just happened to be the name of this blog - when the first post went up on BSNY, it was thrown on as my handle so that's what I'm using. I read the site for a long time, so I understand some of the frustration when a new writer comes on out of absolutely no where and no one really communicates what's going on. Just going to use this space to sort of introduce myself and let you guys get to know who I am.

Alright so I'm 27 years old, from NY obviously - actually am fortunate enough to hold a full-time job so writing and blogging are just something I like to do. My updates for Barstool won't come each day, maybe a couple here and there with most of the concentration going towards the Yankees and Giants. As you can see, I do more than that on this blog, but in terms of Barstool I have no illusions about my own abilities, the writers they have are real creative and good at what they do so I'm going to stick to the sports thing unless they need something else.

I went to school at Pace University in Westchester and also SUNY Cortland. Played baseball while I attended both schools (which included getting raped by Ryan Braun and Miami when he came inches from hitting 2 HR's in the same inning against us, sucked at the time but now it's okay because he's actually just really good) tried to take that further after school but I'm here so that obviously didn't work out. So yeah, that's the basics - I work like everyone else, blog in my spare time, watch sports, drink, scrape by barely making rent each month, have massive amounts of bills, so I'm pretty much average across the board. So to any of the commenters or readers who want to know anything else hit me up, I'll get back to you as quickly as I can - to the commenters who want me to fuck my sisters cunt and die.... Well I'm just not willing to do either of those right now, too much shit going on in the next couple weeks I wanna be around for.

Can contact me on Twitter @Swagstein_

Thursday, September 29, 2011

The Other Side Of The Story Last Night

Blood leads off newscasts for a reason, people love seeing that shit. People love seeing failure, makes the feel better about themselves - That's why so much focus is being shifted to the Braves but mostly the Red Sox because they were such heavy favorites to win... Time to give credit where credit is due and that's to the St. Louis Cardinals and the Tampa Bay Rays.

St. Louis Cardinals

Before their game on September 6th, the Cardinals were 8.5 games out of the Wild Card and also out of first in their division. They reeled off 12 wins in their next 14 games and going 16-5 overall during that stretch. Combine that with the Braves collapse and you've got one of the best comebacks of all-time.

Tampa Bay Rays

The Rays found themselves down 9 games to the Red Sox for the Wild Card on Labor Day Weekend. They didn't give up which is a testament to manager Joe Maddon who always has this team hungry. They looked like they were on a mission the entire month of September, while the Red Sox looked like they couldn't be less interested if they tried. Even though the Rays have about 438 fans, they played inspired throughout the month and it earned them a trip to the postseason after coming back from a 7-0 deficit in the 8th inning to the Yankees last night. It didn't matter if they won as it turned out, but the walk-off HR will be remembered by a long time by all those 438 fans, or at least the half of them that stayed for the rest of the game.

Reaction To Twitter Reactions About Last Night

Actually didn't know that. But wait, what about Joe Carter? Aaron Boon? I'm guessing he means clinching a postseason spot..

That's right.

Does Perdroia know how many games are in a MLB season? I thought at first maybe he was on the DL this year and he was trying to be precise, no he played in 159 out of the standard 162 games - must've been the emotions of being part of the biggest choke in sports history getting the best of him.

Papelbon, I see what you're doing - saying fatigue is an issue is looking for an excuse.... But then saying everyone is fatigued. Okay.

Crawford, whether your team made the playoffs or not, you didn't help. You would've felt shitty either way so don't worry about it.

Good call with Papelbon DEALING. Maybe a little early for that tweet, though, your boy Pap pretty much vomitted on the mound right after you posted that.

Can't argue with the Crawford thing, though. Pretty accurate I'd assume.

Last Day Of The MLB Season Was Better Than The Playoffs Could Ever Dream Of Being

I don't know really how to put into perspective what happened last night. But I'll try....

There are a ton of collapses we could look at, so we're going to do that and see if we can try and compute in our heads how rare, insane and incredible last night was when looking at the history of Major League Baseball. Plenty of people have "collapses" ranked, but I don't see them ranked correctly whatsoever so I'm going to put mine up here. I'm going to stick to straight September collapses, because they're definitely the best.

5 - The 1987 Toronto Blue Jays. Toronto held a 3.5 game lead on the second to last Sunday of the season and were up 1-0 in the ninth inning on the Detroit Tigers. Detroit tied the game (Kirk Gibson homered of course) and ended up winning in 13. The Blue Jays tanked and lost every single game the rest of the year. Detroit swept them to end the season with three straight 1-run victories. Toronto finished 2 games back. I don't know about you, but that has to be one of the most demoralizing collapses ever. Losing by 1 run three straight times to get knocked out of the playoffs is cruel.

4 - The 2009 Detroit Tigers. Detroit held first place in the division from May 10th until the end of the season. They held a 3 game lead over the Minnesota Twins with 4 games to play. They lost to the Twins then lost two out of three to the White Sox to end the season. They had a one game playoff against the Twins in Minnesota which the Twins won in 12 innings in an absolute classic game to complete the epic collapse. The Tigers are the only team in history to blow a 3 game lead with 4 left to play.

3 - The 2007 New York Mets. The Mets led by 7 games on September 12th. A roller coaster ensued with the Mets losing five in a row, winning 4 out of 5, then losing their last 6 out of 7 games to finish one game behind the Phillies. The back breaker was on the final day of the season, when Tom Glavine came out and gave a clutch performance against the Marlins by giving up 7 earned runs in one-third of an inning.

2 - The 1964 Philadelphia Phillies. The ultimate collapse in the sports history belongs to the 1964 Phillies. They were the gold standard for this type of scenario, here's what theirs looked like: Phillies were in 1st place by 6.5 games with 12 games remaining. They lost their next 10 games and finished in a tie for second place in the National League, the Cardinals swept them in a crucial three game series, took over first place and eventually won the World Series.

With all those being brought to light, and you having them fresh in your mind - we witness two teams fall apart even worse within the last 4 weeks of this season.

1a - The 2011 Atlanta Braves. The Braves were 8.5 games up on the St. Louis Cardinals on September 6th. They were swept by the Cardinals in St. Louis which didn't seem like much at the time. Last Friday, on September 23rd, with a win over the Nationals the Braves were still up 3 games with only 5 to go. They lost all five, and were beat by the Phillies in 13 innings last night to knock them out of the playoffs. More than likely done in by the Joe Torre method of using your relievers every single game of the season, the bullpen was the main cause of this collapse, strong all season - but couldn't finish a game when it mattered most, blowing a 9th inning lead again in the last game of the season.

1 - The 2011 Boston Red Sox. Nothing really gives me more joy than writing this little recap. Maybe the curse is back? The Red Sox, in the race for the division, took 2 out of 3 from the Yankees and actually led on September 1st by half a game. They had a 9 game lead on the Tampa Rays for the Wild Card. They then went 7-19 to finish the season and ended up 7 games back of the Yankees. In September the Red Sox went 1-6 against the Rays and 1-4 against the Yankees. They had a favorable schedule down the stretch with 7 out of their last 10 games against the Orioles, and went 2-5 against them.

It was a collapse unlike baseball has ever seen. And it got two of them, on the same night. The Braves had to go into extra innings, and the Red Sox endured a rain delay - yet, the Braves and Red Sox were both eliminated from the playoffs within 22 minutes of each other. It was a night baseball fans will remember for as long as they live, and they should - because they'll never see anything like it again.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Today's NFL News That Really Wasn't News

The only surprise here is that Sanders lasted three games. Really a shame because this guy can be a Polamalu-like ballhawk and enforcer, but he has played in less than 50% of games in his career. (Note: I also have no idea what Schefter was smoking when he was tweeting "Reserve-Injured.")

The Dolphins are starting to see what everyone else in the league - most notably the Saints - already saw: Reggie Bush is not a very good player.

Next up: Dwight Freeney and Robert Mathis. "Suck for Luck" is nearly in full swing.

Enough With This Bartman Shit

ESPN - Who's to blame for the public's obsession with the Bartman ball depends on whom you ask. There are those who point the finger at Alou for creating an air of negativity with his temper tantrum. There are those who wonder whether Bartman is to blame, whether his silence all these years has actually turned the story into a bigger saga than it deserves to be. And there are those who criticize the media, saying they're the ones to blame for everything from outing Bartman to never letting the story go.

Seriously, who gives a shit? The Cubs will literally blame anything for being the biggest choke artists of all-time. A fucking goat? Really? I hate the Red Sox but I respect them for not blaming a billion years of losing on a goat or some nerd who tried to catch a foul ball. They blamed it on the Curse of the Bambino, and believe me that was shit was as real as it gets. It's not like that foul ball he tried to catch was ending the game, or had any implications on the outcome whatsoever. The Cubs were up 3-0 with 1 out in the 8th. End the fucking game yourself. You don't need help from Steve Bartman. Maybe if Alex Gonzalez can catch a ground ball that would've ended the inning, they wouldn't have given up 8 runs. I wanna know how this nerd caught so much shit for this, and Alex Gonzalez is cool to walk into Wrigley with no problems. Dude literally lost the game for them, but that doesn't matter - Cubs don't care, their delusional fans don't care - it's like they want to keep losing so everyone feels bad for them or something. And even after all this shit, they played Game 7 and still couldn't get it done. So don't fucking give me this shit that this guy who went after a foul ball with 9 other people around him doing the same thing was the one who lost you a shot at the World Series. You lost your own shot. Suckers.

PS - Moises Alou nice temper tantrum asshole.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Matt Kenseth's Wife Makes Sharp Turn Directly Into A Wall

Yahoo Sports - Katie was practicing for the "Better Half Dash" on Oct. 15 at Charlotte Motor Speedway. In that race, drivers will go 25 laps on a quarter-mile track at the speedway. They'll be driving bandoleros, which are in effect souped-up go-karts with full, enclosed bodies. The cars can hit speeds as high as 70 mph and are designed for entry-level drivers, often kids as young as 8 years old. During practice, Katie Kenseth apparently took a sharp turn and hit what is usually the pit road wall. Prior to the practice, joking on Twitter that there was "no sign of Danica [Patrick]'s husband."

Well that was a funny fucking joke there Kate, I bet Danica Patrick's husband laughed his dick off when you decided to go one-on-one with that wall. Is this or is this not example #2,945,838 why chicks should never drive? Can't handle a car made for an 8-year old. And as per usual, her bump into the wall has ambulances and SWAT on the scene to make sure her scratches are okay, extracting her with the jaws of life, tactically applying those band-aids. Just making sure all the attention is on her, ruining the event for everyone. Guarantee this came right after some smoke was interviewing her husband and this is some par for the course psycho wife plan to get attention. Typical.

Charlie Sheen Just Livin' The Dream

YAHOO - Charlie Sheen, Warner Bros. Television and Two and a Half Men creator Chuck Lorre have reached a settlement over the actor's $100 million lawsuit against the studio, has confirmed. "Warner Bros. Television, Chuck Lorre and Charlie Sheen have resolved their dispute to the parties' mutual satisfaction," the studio said in a statement. While details of the settlement were not released, the former Two and a Half Men star will reportedly get roughly $25 million to settle out of his contract. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the terms of the settlement include Sheen dropping all of his legal claims.

This guy just cannot fucking lose, huh? This guy has been going HAM on top of HAM ever since he went nutso on his wife and kids. Tell ya what - I would sell my imaginary kids out for $25 million so fast Charlie Sheen's head would spin. I'm so sick of this guy and his crazy talk, but I can't deny he's making power moves the likes of which I've never seen. Imagine someone paying you $25 million to stop working? So what do you do? You take that shit, drop your lawsuit and back to your life of snorting coke and slamming porn stars in your mansion like you read about. Guy might be straight crazy and all but it doesn't matter if you win being sane or win being a nutjob, winning is winning.

The Real Reason Why Apple Employees Avoid Getting In The Elevator With Steve Jobs

VentureBeat - Dhuey recalls that people would dread getting into an elevator with Jobs. If you got on at the 4th floor, you’d better have captivated him by the time you got off on the 1st. Jobs remembered you when you had a great story to tell. He also remembered when you didn’t.
“He would ask you what you were working on, and people started to dread that question,” chuckles Dhuey.
Stop chuckling, Dhuey, you smug asshole, and get back to building the iPhone9. 

Everyone hates being forced to talk with their boss in a confined space.  This article gives some piss poor reason why you would hate riding the elevator with Stevie J in particular.  For fear of losing their j-o-b, though, employees didn’t give the real reason they hate riding the elevator with him (cut to the 0:07 mark to find out):

Live Poultry And Random Rabbit Available At Some Dump In Queens

So I see this place on the way into Jamaica on the LIRR. Anyone who lives on the south shore of Long Island will probably see this shit when they're on the train. First of all this place is an absolute shit hole. It's where innocent animals are delivered on trucks to get slaughtered to shit - can't stand seeing it but I eat them anyway. But then you read the sign that says "Live Poultry" with a picture of 19 chickens and some weird rabbit that I guess wanted in on the picture? I don't know this rabbits deal, but maybe he just was told the picture was going on Facebook and got all pumped to show off he's cool with the chickens and had no idea he was on death row. I'd love to see some terrorists blow this shit up but unfortunately they all work here so kinda shit outta luck with that one.

PS - Just searched about this shit and apparently rabbit's are considered poultry now just so they can't be protected under some Slaughter Act passed back in the day and are allowed to go get slaughtered like motherfuckers whenever they want. Whatever sign sucks anyway fuck this place.

Yahoo, Please Try Reporting On Things We Care About

Yahoo! Sports - An assistant coach during Lane Kiffin’s tenure at the University of Tennessee wired $1,500 to a talent scout in July 2009, funding the airfare for an unofficial recruiting trip by then five-star prospect Lache Seastrunk and his mother, Yahoo! Sports has learned.
Well holy fucking shit. A recruit took money from someone he wasn’t supposed to take money from. Wow. Just groundbreaking, Earth-shattering investigatory work Yahoo!
The Red Sox are in the midst of the most epic regular season collapse in the history of baseball and the second leading story on your site is about this bullshit?  Come on.
No one gives a shit about these stories.  I talk about / watch sports for 100 hours a week with anyone willing to have a conversation, and no one has ever brought up this stupid shit.  This particular case happened over two years ago, and this type of thing happens ALL. THE. TIME. Just give it up already.

If the NCAA wants to crack down on these activities they should do it on a going forward basis.  By the time these players get their slap on the wrist, most of them are no longer NCAA student-athletes so the punishment gets pushed onto the current players  at these institutions which makes zero sense.

And Yahoo, if you want to turn your abysmal stock performance around, try allocating resources to things people care about.

Red Sox Continue To Impress

ESPN - The Red Sox found another way to lose, this time on a broken-bat single and an inside-the-park homer, and their 6-3 defeat against the Baltimore Orioles on Monday night dropped them into a tie in the AL wild-card race.

Boston's 17th loss in 22 games enabled Tampa Bay to pull even in the duel for the league's final playoff spot. The Rays, who beat the New York Yankees 5-2, trailed by nine games after play on Sept. 3.

The Red Sox had either stood atop the AL East or led the wild-card race every day since before play on May 24.

Is there any possible way to put this into perspective? Anyone else realize we're witnessing baseball history here? The 2007 Mets were bad, but this is bad. The Red Sox have lost 19 of their last 25 games, that's fucking impossible. Sure they can still make the playoffs, but what are the odds of that happening? They need to win two in a row and they haven't done that since last month. They were up 9 fucking games on Labor Day and are now tied for the Wild Card. Anyone watching the Yankees/Rays game last night noticed two things - the Yankees don't give a shit and are rolling our all their September call ups and Phil Hughes, and that the Rays just fucking want it. They're busting their ass all over the field just to eek out a win over the AA Yankees. I don't give a shit what scenario is better for the Yankees going into the postseason, I just want to see this collapse be completed. I feel bad for the Mets, kind of need someone to take the title of biggest choke artists of all-time so they can move on with their lives.

Reaction: Giants 29, Eagles 16

Lot of talk going into this game, pretty standard. The Giants wanted Vick to play which was absolutely loony tunes, but they got what they asked for and beat the living shit out of him. Every time they play I get extremely nervous, but the Giants seem to have the scheme to handle him. Even in the embarrassing collapse that I'm going to forever blame on Matt Dodge, they manhandled Vick for 3 1/2 quarters. They had a 21 point lead and let their foot off the gas with their shitty prevent defense which allowed Vick to do what he wanted. When they attack him, they dominate, they force him to make stupid decisions and they lay pipe on him on virtually every play.

I'll give credit to Aaron Ross for stepping up and deciding to play like a former 1st round pick along with the rest of the secondary for playing well. But obviously the MVP's of the game was the entire defensive line. Playing without their #1 draft pick at corner and without Osi Umenyiora, they continue to get pressure at will. Jason Pierre-Paul is an absolute man child. He racked up another 2 sacks while laying some legit hits on Vick. I have no problem saying Julius Peppers Jr. will be the best defensive end in football within 3 years.

Eli Manning was for once, not retarded with the ball. Since his first quarter INT last Monday night against the Rams, he's looked pretty good. I still don't love him but if he can stay consistent it literally changes the complexion of games for the Giants. If they had any turnovers against the Eagles we'd be talking about a loss right now, not a huge win. The fact he was able to do it minus the free agent losses aka his security blankets (Steve Smith and Kevin Boss) and without his #2 and #3 receivers (Mario Manningham and Domenik Hixon) is extremely impressive. Going up against what people think is the most talented secondary in the NFL, Manning was pretty much flawless with his #1, #4 and #5 receivers. He used his RB's as targets to mix shit up and Jacobs and Bradshaw each caught a pass for a TD. Big ups to Victor Cruz, dude torched the Eagles for 2 TD's including one over the most overrated corner in history - Nnamdi Asomugha.

Next week the Giants travel to Arizona to face a sneaky Cardinals team. I don't care if they're good or not, any team with Larry Fitzgerald on it scares me. If the Giants can keep their foot on the gas and not sleep walk through this game, they'll be moving into week five 3-1 and at the top of the NFC East. The fact they can win with the amount of injuries they've sustained is nothing short of remarkable. If they can somehow keep it going until Umenyiora and Prince are healthy, they'll have two more defensive weapons ready for the gauntlet second half schedule where they face something like 24 of the last 15 Super Bowl Champions.


Just another day in the dump.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Week 3: Jets Recap

Final Score: Oakland 34, Jets 24

All you need to know
: After falling behind 7-0 three minutes into the game, the Jets jumped to a 17-7 lead by the middle of the second quarter. Oakland, specifically Run DMC, then scored 24 straight points to put the game away.

Darren McFadden puts up video game numbers: McFadden rushed 19 times for 171 yards and two scores. This is a NYJ run defense that has finished in the top for each of the past three seasons.

2008: 7th
2009: 8th
2010: 3rd

They are no slouches, and DMC made them look terrible. Plus, he tweaked his groin in the fourth quarter or the numbers would have been bigger. Guy is an absolute beast.

Dude treated grown men like high schoolers.

Antonio Cromartie wiped out all the good he did in Week 2: He committed four penalties, fumbled a kick return, and got picked apart through the air. F- grade for this one. Needs to improve. He also bruised his ribs/lungs putting next week's game in question for Cro.

Sebastian Janikowski changes games: Oakland HC Hue Jackson knows that if his team can get inside the opponent's 45, he can chalk three points on the board. That makes the Raiders dangerous on all downs and distances in positive territory.

Nick Mangold's injury left a gaping hole in the middle of the offensive line: He needs to get healthy in a hurry.

I'm still not ready to wholeheartedly trust Mark Sanchez: His first quarter INT in the end zone was a terrible, terrible, terrible decision that everyone in New York saw coming. He needs to do a better job protecting the ball. Sanchez also broke his nose in the game.

WR Jeremy Kerley impressed me with his toughness/stupidity: After fielding a punt, Kerley got his helmet knocked off and still tried to gain yardage (even though the play was blown dead). His teammates looked at him like he was insane but you could see they respected the effort.
Losing TE Jeff Cumberland for the year is not a minor deal: JC was a capable run blocker and allowed Dustin Keller to do his thing downfield in the passing game

It doesn't get any easier for the Jets: They travel to Baltimore this week followed by a trip to New England.

John Lackey Sucks Because Of A Text Message

ESPN - Asked by Michael Silverman of the Boston Herald, "How do you think you pitched," Lackey veered off topic in a big way.

"Let me tell you the truth," Lackey said. "Thirty minutes before the game I got a text message on my cell phone from one of you, somebody in the media, talking about personal stuff. I shouldn't even have to be standing up here dealing with it.

"I'm sitting here, listening to music. I don't know who got my phone number, but that's over the line.

Last winter, it was reported that Lackey's wife, Krista, was undergoing treatment for breast cancer, and after a particularly rough start in May, Lackey blurted, "Everything in my life sucks right now."

Before meeting with reporters Sunday night, Lackey had a brief but animated discussion with a club official about the text message and how his phone number had gotten out. There were indications Sunday night that a celebrity/gossip website had sent him the text message, but that could not be confirmed. The website TMZ subsequently published an item about Lackey's marriage on Monday morning at 3:55 a.m. ET.

When asked if he suspected anyone standing in front of him, Lackey said, "I'll find out."

He also was asked if the text message had distracted him on the mound.

"I don't believe I've got to deal with this," he said.

Even after the interview broke up, Lackey continued to rage. "I can't believe … Any of you who would get into that is going to have a serious problem."

What a jerk this guy is. Your team is in the middle of the worst collapse baseball has ever seen and you just scratch and claw your way to a 14 inning win because the Yankees got tired and bored and wanted to sleep before going to Tampa and only thing you can do is talk about yourself. If I'm this ugly asshole the very last thing I'd ever want to do is talk about myself. I'm one of the ugliest humans on earth, I sound like I have phlegm for days and I have an ERA of a bazillion. I feel so fucking sorry for you and your multi million dollar bank account because you're such a sensitive human being and all, you must have it so rough playing baseball for a living. I get a hundred texts a day and none of them make me pitch like shit so I don't wanna hear it.

Who Are You, Bryan Kehl?

ESPN NY: EAST RUTHERFORD, N.J. -- New York Giants defensive coordinator Perry Fewell would not confirm or deny accusations made by one of his former players, Bryan Kehl, that he coaches his players to fake injuries.
"I can't say I've ever done that and I can't say that I haven't done that," Fewell said Thursday…
Kehl, who now plays for the St. Louis Rams, made his accusations to, the website for the ESPN Radio Affiliate in St. Louis.
"Perry Fewell coaches that," Kehl said. "He's their DC (defensive coordinator). He coaches that."
Asked if he thought Kehl's accusations were an attack on his integrity, Fewell replied, "I'm not gonna respond."
Grant, one of the players accused of faking, called his former teammate a liar.
"That's a lie. That's a lie," Grant said after Giants practice on Thursday. "Perry never said that a day in his meetings since I've been here. And Kehl's been here as long as I have with Perry Fewell."
Asked why Kehl would say something like that, Grant replied, "Because I guess he's not here no more. He feels like they did him wrong."
Kehl played one game for the Giants last season -- Fewell's first with the team -- before being waived and signing with the Rams.
The Giants were accused by the Rams of feigning injuries during the first quarter of Monday night's 28-16 New York win to slow down the St. Louis offense.
Grant and Jacquian Williams both fell down in apparent pain with the Rams -- who were using an up-tempo, no-huddle offense -- driving and at the Giants' 7-yard line. Grant vehemently denied any wrongdoing on Wednesday, saying he was too tough to pull a stunt like that.
Grant's comments came as the NFL sent a memo Wednesday to all 32 teams warning of fines, suspensions and loss of draft picks if the league determines players faked injuries during a game.
"And even if (Fewell did), that was a coward move to me," Grant said of Kehl. "Even if that's something I was coached and I go somewhere else, I'm not selling out the guys that I went to war with. That's just not me. So that's a coward move if that was the case, and he still said something about it, but it's even worse when he lies. A grown man lying on another grown man, that's terrible."
The radio station reached out to the NFL to ask if the league would investigate the Giants in light of Kehl's comments.
League spokesman Greg Aiello wrote in an email that the Rams "have not made a formal complaint requesting an investigation. In addition, there is no basis for taking action against the Giants."


I hate the New York Football Giants with a passion. They sit in the lower levels of my vision of hell right next to deadbeat dads, Roger Clemens, and people trying to make a quick buck at someone else’s expense (think: the joker who sued McDonald’s for making him fat). 

It would stand to reason that someone bashing the Giants would go on my Nice List. However, Bryan Kehl’s comments make me hate him and not the Giants. 

By disclosing this “secret of the game” that no one actually cared to know, Kehl ruined his reputation at the expense of Fewell’s for no apparent reason.

What is this dude trying to accomplish by running his mouth here?

Your career as a linebacker doesn’t figure to last much longer. The Giants cut you, and their linebacking corps is a joke. Are you trying to score a book deal? Some cheap publicity? Nothing good can come out of this for you. You have basically burned every bridge around you. What defensive coordinator would want to work with you now? Who wants to be your teammate? You just lost the trust of everyone in the league. Nice work.

Closest thing to a game-action shot I could find of BK

I’m a believer in unwritten rules. One of the most important: what is spoken in the locker room, stays in the locker room.That includes any and all gamesmanship tactics.

Kehl is exactly the kind of guy that would snitch on one of his BYU teammates for having premarital sex in college. I’m about 450% sure he’s the one who found out about Brandon Davies banging that cheerleader and got him suspended, effectively ending any chance we had of seeing Jimmer Fredette in the Final Four. Since March, I was pissed at Jimmer for ruining my bracket when all along it was Bryan fuckin Kehl’s fault.

And radio station 101sports, you can join Kehl, Clemens, and the others in my hell. Stop trying to find dirt and start shit like you are some kind of useful investigatatory sleuth. Worry about your hometown Rams being the worst team in the league through three weeks. 

Follow on Twitter: @Walter_Yego

So Hype Lounge Was Fun

So I hit up Hype Lounge yesterday to take in some football, beer, wings and lastly to meet up with KFC. I only remember about half our conversation because shit was flat out crazy there. The wings were better than advertised, the beer was flowing like water and there were people packing the place out by the middle of the Giants game. I am absolutely beat today because unlike KFC I had a phenomenal time, I'd say it was an overall good first day for me - Giants doing the fuckin' salsa all over the Eagles, the Yankees blowing out the Red Sox as they continue the worst collapse ever, and girls grabbing my ass left and right. Just exhausting stuff. I guess that's the type of shit I've gotta get used to when I accidentally just spill swag everywhere, just need to adjust to the big lights.

And With The #1 Pick In The 2012 NFL Draft....

ESPN - Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay said Monday morning at a meeting for Super Bowl doners that his team doesn't expect Peyton Manning to play again until the 2012 season.

Irsay said it was possible Manning would practice in December, but he is not expected to play this season, media outlets in Indianapolis reported.

Irsay later tried to clarify his comment with a post to his Twitter page at 10:28 a.m. ET, making it clear he didn't say Manning would definitely miss the rest of the season.

"I didn't say Peyton out 4season FOR SURE,keeping him on ActiveRoster n taking it month by month/Outside chance of return n December possible," he wrote.

Without the four-time MVP the Colts have started the season 0-3.

If you're trying to tell me this isn't some elaborate plan to get the #1 pick aka Andrew Luck, then you're bonkers. I see you workin' Colts. I'm not hating on it either. If you want to throw away an entire season then go for it, no hair off my ass. Still shocked you almost beat Pittsburgh last night, but if this is the plan you need to relax - because you played way too hard last night. What happens if you accidentally win? You can't do that shit, you have to keep your distance. I'd say at least by 10 points - keep it a two score game.

PS - I wonder if they let Kerry Collins in on this because it looks like he's actually trying.

How Much Of A Boss Is Steve Weatherford?

Seriously, talk about changing the game for punters. He wanted nothing to do with the shit that Matt Dodge caused last year, so what do you do? You come fucking hard and own the entire city of Philadelphia and call their fans geeks.

PS -Any updates on whether or not @dan_clement9 killed himself?

Dream Team, Huh? Welp. See Ya Later!

Pretty sure in games that Ahmad Bradshaw starts power spiking the ball all over the field the Giants are something like 93-0. You know what else helps? Having Brandon Jacobs immitating Hakeem Nicks, Eli not being an idiot but still looking retarded, and Victor Cruz making Nnamdi Asomugha look like an undrafted rookie free agent. All I know is Cruz missile better have a 99 break tackle rating in Madden '13. Just racking up the YAC on the 74 yarder. Also helps that Nnamdi can't tackle for shit. Nothing like blanketing a guy with help from the safety and still having him out jump you and score on your ass.

Look of course this is going to sound like a complete lie because I haven't been blogging for more than 10 minutes so there's no record of this.... But I've been saying it for a long time that Asomugha is the most over-hyped player since LeBron. Guy got 28 balls thrown at him last season, zero INT's and 5 passes defended and this guy is good? How can anyone know if he's good unless you throw at him? Giants threw at him yesterday and guy looked pretty average to me. I looked up some stats to back up my point to show I'm a boss and look at this shit:

When quarterbacks threw at Nnamdi in 2010, they had a passer rating of 98.1 versus a 32.3 rating against Revis.

The thing that's more impressive about that, is Revis always lines up against the other teams #1 guy, no matter where he lines up. Nnamdi only stays on the left side of the field, so whoever he gets is who he covers. How's that make him better? It doesn't. Guy is the most overrated player in football, and it's not even close. Boom roasted.

Am I Good Or Am I Good? Again.

2-1 this week puts me at 6-2-1 so far this year. But that one loss was a costly one. The game I was by far the most confident in, I lost. I put $200 into a parlay with these three games and came a point and a half from winning $1200. Thanks a lot Atlanta. Fucking kidding me?

Anyway, just like last week, time to show off:

What I said about the 49ers/Bengals game:

Really? Underdogs to Cincinnati? You would pick ginger Andy Dalton over Patrick Willis? Yeah fuckin' right. Cincinnati has no shot in this game, San Fran's D is too good for them and Andy Dalton is not prepared to look at this guy all day, zero shot. He'll piss his pants more times than they'll score.
I mean what else is left to say here? Pretty much accurate.

Prediction: Andy Dalton would piss his pants more than they'd score. Actual: Probably did.

What I said about the Falcons/Bucs game:

This is another one, how's this even possible? I'm putting $100 on this game, there's no way Atlanta loses. You just came off a game where your QB torched the "dream team" defense for a career high 4 TD's and Michael Turner looking like his old self again. Really think Tampa is going to put up much of a fight? The Bucs have the 31st ranked rushing defense, giving up an average of 156 yards a game. Fuck it, might put $200 on this.

Fuck this. Not even getting started with this one.

Prediction: Atlanta dominates. Actual: Complete fucking opposite of whatever common sense is.

What I said about the Packers/Bears game:

I think Chicago is the most over hyped team on earth. They fluked it to the NFC Championship game last year and then their quarterback faked an injury because he didn't feel like going to the Super Bowl. Green Bay went and they won, and until someone beats them - I pick them to win each week - and they win this one by at least 10. Because their quarterback isn't a pussy.

Finally back on planet earth here, shit happened the way it was supposed to happen. Jay Cutler does what Jay Cutler does and can't win a meaningful game. 2 INT's, pretty standard.

Prediction: Green Bay wins by at least 10 and their QB isn't a pussy. Actual: Green Bay wins by 10 and their QB still is not a pussy.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Sucker Free Sunday: Week 3 LOCKS

The kid is fire so far to open the season goin' all Mary J on 'em with the 4-1-1 record.

Let's get right to it:

San Francisco +2.5 - Really? Underdogs to Cincinnati? You would pick ginger Andy Dalton over Patrick Willis? Yeah fuckin' right. Cincinnati has no shot in this game, San Fran's D is too good for them and Andy Dalton is not prepared to look at this guy all day, zero shot. He'll piss his pants more times than they'll score.

Atlanta +1.5 - This is another one, how's this even possible? I'm putting $100 on this game, there's no way Atlanta loses. You just came off a game where your QB torched the "dream team" defense for a career high 4 TD's and Michael Turner looking like his old self again. Really think Tampa is going to put up much of a fight? The Bucs have the 31st ranked rushing defense, giving up an average of 156 yards a game. Fuck it, might put $200 on this.

Green Bay -3.5 - I think Chicago is the most over hyped team on earth. They fluked it to the NFC Championship game last year and then their quarterback faked an injury because he didn't feel like going to the Super Bowl. Green Bay went and they won, and until someone beats them - I pick them to win each week - and they win this one by at least 10. Because their quarterback isn't a pussy.

Week 3: Tissue Paper Soft Picks

I'm 1-4-1 through six games. Flat out awful. Maybe, I'm overthinking these games. So, I'm going with a less-is-more strategy: twitter-style picks.

Falcons +1.5: Both teams are riding high after big wins last week, but Atlanta beat a great team while Tampa Bay beat the Vikings. I think Michael Turner will have a big day.

Raiders +3.5: Love the Jets, but hate the idea of them being road favorites on the West Coast.

Seahawks +3.5: Seattle is terrible, but this is their home opener, and I think they'll have some extra motivation in front of their fans. 12th man makes the difference here.


Is there a scarier human being on Earth than Lions DT Ndamukong Suh?  I refuse to wear even the jersey of a quarterback for fear that this monster is going to jump out from behind a tank, since I'm pretty sure that's the only thing Ndamukong Suh could successfully hide behind, and pile drive me into Madison Ave.  His name in Cameroon language means "House of Spears" for chrissake.  I'm surprised more hasn't been made of the fact that his first name has KONG in it.  If there was ever a Kong in football, it's this guy.   

I remember watching this dude at Nebraska during the Big 12 championship game a couple of years ago.  Texas was a heavy favorite in that game until Suh dry-humped Colt McCoy up and down the field for four quarters.  Colt McCoy's sister actually got pregnant from it it was so blatant.  Colt McCoy actually stays up all night the day before the NFL releases the new season schedule sweating his balls off in fear that he is going to have to face the Lions.  Texas ended up winning on a last second field goal, for which Suh publicly blamed himself for weeks because he didn't block it.  Seriously?  A lineman blaming himself for losing a game because he didn't block a field goal?  Normally I would chalk that up to bull-shit blame taking in a misguided attempt to be a hero, but in this case I believe it.  What college offensive lineman was stopping this guy?  How bad was the rest of the Nebraska field goal blocking squad, because you know they were at least quintuple teaming Suh during the kick.  Honestly, how did any team ever get off a kick against Nebraska that year?  

Meanwhile, Suh is just starting his second year in the NFL and he has already amassed over $40,000 in fines for blasting quarterbacks.  In discussing at hit on Jay Cutler which cost him  $15,000, he said:

"Full speed, it looks awful. Slow it down, and you see my hand is right in the back of his numbers. And because he doesn't see me, that's why he falls the way he does. I'm powerful; I'm lucky enough that I'm strong and I refine that in the weight room. I know how to hit, and I know how to tackle to where somebody's going to feel that. Whoever I hit is going to feel that hit." 

Basically, he just hit Jay Cutler so hard they had to fine him.  The NFL was like, I don't know exactly what's wrong with that, but I know it just has to be illegal.  And if that is not the scariest thing you can say about a hit you got fined for, I don't know what is.  He could have got all whiney about not deserving a fine and how the NFL is a bunch of pussies now or he could have been like well I'm a competitor and I just want to win.  But no, he analyzed it like an engineer looking at how a bridge collapsed.  You see where my tree trunk arm shattered Jay's spine?  That's where I had him.

I am going to buy a Suh jersey and wear it.  Everywhere.  To work.  To the bars.  If I ever went to church again I would wear it there.  Job interviews.  My wedding.  Just so he knows I like him and not to dismember me.  Don't hurt me, Ndamukong!


Friday, September 23, 2011

Yankees Never Wanted Crawford And His 18 Steals, Just Wanted The Red Sox To Pay Out Of Their Ass

ESPNNew York Yankees general manager Brian Cashman admitted Thursday that he feigned interest in Carl Crawford last offseason to drive up the price for the Boston Red Sox to sign the free agent.

"I actually had dinner with the agent to pretend that we were actually involved and drive the price up," Cashman said. "The outfield wasn't an area of need, but everybody kept writing Crawford, Crawford, Crawford, Crawford. And I was like, 'I feel like we've got Carl Crawford in Brett Gardner, except he costs more than $100 million less, with less experience.' "

Surprisingly, one could argue that Gardner has had a better season than Crawford. Gardner is batting .261 and leads the league with 46 steals. Crawford never got going in Boston and is hitting .259 with only 18 steals, the fewest he's had since his rookie season.

Going into the season, Cashman said Red Sox GM Theo Epstein, who also landed Adrian Gonzalez, "kicked my a-- in the offseason."

How does he feel now after winning the division?

"What I said was accurate: The Red Sox had a great winter, and I had a bad winter," Cashman said. "But as it turned out, I had a better winter than anybody would've expected, including myself."

And it cost the Red Sox.

Listen, do I think Cashman is being honest here? Absolutely not. But who cares? Shit is hilarious. You wanna talk about playing chess while everyone else is playing checkers, look at my man Brian here. I can just see Theo Epstein flinging shit around his office like a little pussy boy about his terrible $142 million dollar purchase. Seriously look at those stats, Brett Gardner playing like a $150 million dollar outfielder just leading the league in steals no big deal. Of course Cashman looks like the genius he is, holding onto our stud catcher who will be in All-Star by next season. We got Nova who can't lose a fucking game if he tried on his way to taking home Rookie of the Year. Cashman will get GM of the year, Girardi manager of the year, and the team will get to take home that gigantic trophy when the World Series ends sometime in the middle of November.

Last Meal Tradition For Death Row Inmates In Texas Shut Down Because Some Asshole Ordered A Billion Things And Didn't Eat Any Of It

Yahoo - It's a tradition with roots that can be traced far back in history: Before being put to death, a condemned prisoner can choose his last meal.

Not so anymore in Texas.

The controversy began after Lawrence Russell Brewer, who was executed on Wednesday for the hate crime slaying of James Byrd Jr. more than a decade ago, asked for two chicken fried steaks, a triple-meat bacon cheeseburger, fried okra, a pound of barbecue, three fajitas, a meat lover's pizza, a pint of ice cream and a slab of peanut butter fudge with crushed peanuts. Prison officials said Brewer didn't eat any of it.

"It is extremely inappropriate to give a person sentenced to death such a privilege," Sen. John Whitmire, chairman of the Senate Criminal Justice Committee, wrote in a letter Thursday to Brad Livingston, the executive director of the Texas Department of Criminal Justice.

Within hours, Livingston said the senator's concerns were valid and the practice of allowing death row offenders to choose their final meal was history.

"Effective immediately, no such accommodations will be made," Livingston said. "They will receive the same meal served to other offenders on the unit."

That had been the suggestion from Whitmire, who called the traditional request "ridiculous."

It was not immediately clear whether other states have made similar moves. Some limit the final meal cost — Florida's ceiling is $40, according to the Department of Corrections website, with food to be purchased locally. Others, like Texas, which never had a designated dollar limit, mandate meals be prison-made.

While extensive, Brewer's request was far from the largest or most bizarre among the 475 Texas inmates put to death. Last week, inmate Steven Woods' request included two pounds of bacon, a large four-meat pizza, four fried chicken breasts, two drinks each of Mountain Dew, Pepsi, root beer and sweet tea, two pints of ice cream, five chicken fried steaks, two hamburgers with bacon, fries and a dozen garlic bread sticks with marinara on the side. Two hours later, he was executed.

What a dick this guy is, huh? I mean all it takes is one real asshole on death row to ruin it for the rest of us. I bet all the rest of the upstanding citizens on death row are none to pleased about this situation. Probably spent the last 10 years wondering what they were going to order, well that was a complete waste of time. Could've probably spent those 10 years a lot better like digging a fucking tunnel out of that place before you got your dick fried off. Someone telling you that your last meal is the same slop you've been getting is like getting pissed on right before they flip the switch, one last "fuck you!" before you go. Must've really sucked to be the guy on deck right when they took this shit away, oh man. Talk about a depressing execution experience.

And what's with this last meal thing anyway? Looks like you could pretty much order the entire universe if you wanted to. I always imagined this being the hardest decision of all-time, because it was ONE meal. I always pictured something like my mom’s chicken parm or a T-bone steak from Ruth's Chris, not a tub of ice cream with gold sprinkled on top with a side of chicken fries from Burger King, a Shake Shack burger with hot sauce from Taco Bell and 15 Pepsi's and a case of Coors Light and for dessert a cake with a stripper in it. Someone asked me for that shit I'd tell them to go fuck themselves and move the execution time up a couple of hours.

Serious question though, you had one meal to eat before you're dead - what would it be? I'd go with my mom’s chicken parm, have to. That's if she's still cool with me being on death row and shit.

Just Your Typical Garden Variety Order At McDonalds

Wait a second! White people work at McDonalds? Where is this place?? Seriously that's amazing. Otherwise this video is pretty boring.

Leo Nunez Suspended For Not Being Leo Nunez - Promptly Deported

Miami Herald - Closer Leo Nunez has been placed on Major League Baseball’s restricted list and was suspended by the Marlins for undisclosed reasons for the remainder of the season, a source told The Miami Herald on Thursday.

A person familiar with Nunez’s immigration status, however, said the reliever has been playing under an assumed name, and the issue has prompted him to return to his native Dominican Republic.
Nunez might have been aware of the issue as far back as July, the source told The Herald.

“I can’t yet comment,” said Nunez’s agent, Andy Mota. “This is very recent. I don’t want to say anything at all.”

A source told The Associated Press that Nunez’s real name is Juan Carlos Oviedo, and he is 29, a year older than listed in the Marlins’ media guide.

A baseball source said that in order for Nunez to be reinstated from the restricted list he must clear up an immigration issue that apparently has to do with missing paperwork.

So Nunez might have known about the issue as far back as July? I don't know but don't you think he was aware of the issue the minute he started calling himself Leo Nunez? Usually when I refer to myself as someone completely different I find out about it right then. But I don't actually blame him for saying he's younger than he is because I have a hunch he honestly has no clue when he was born, but to be only a year off is pretty impressive. Not sure I see what the punishment here is, he's getting a paid vacation back to the Dominican while his team rounds out the season playing in front of 49 rabid die hard Marlins fans? Then all he has to do is find that missing paperwork, you know, that one paper with his name on it, and he's back. No big deal.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Cincinnati Bengals Have A Player Arrested - World Finally Making Sense Again

Shut Down Corner - A 2.5-pound shipment of marijuana was seized at the home of Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Jerome Simpson(notes) on Wednesday.

Bengals tackle Anthony Collins(notes) was with Simpson at the Crestview Hills, Ky., house when police confiscated the package. A spokeswoman for the California Department of Justice said police tracked the shipment from California after a two-day investigation.

A woman, Aleen Smith, signed for the package before police swooped in. Simpson gave consent for authorities to search his home, where they found six additional pounds of marijuana and paraphernalia including "packaging materials, scales and smoking devices."

Simpson and Collins were detained but not arrested. The case will be addressed by the Kenton County (Ky.) Prosecutor's Office on Thursday.

The head of the National Marijuana Initiative, a government-funded organization that coordinates marijuana enforcement, told that the home was set up as a distribution network.

"They had it all set up to receive supplies of high-grade marijuana from Northern California, and from there, it was being distributed from that residence," Tommy LaNier told the website.

Wait. Why is this news? Don't they know Simpson is just doing what he has to do? He plays for the fucking Bengals. You need a felony wrap sheet before you can sign with the team, it's mandatory. That's why Carson Palmer was forced into early retirement and that's why in a couple weeks we'll be hearing how Andy Dalton slapped a couple strippers around then pissed on them. That's how the Bengals roll. They have nothing to offer on the field so they're playing that whole intimidation game by lining up an entire roster of parolees.

No fucking joke, since 2000 - 35 players have been arrested from the Bengals. That is fucking impressive. Jerome, real glad I didn't take a chance on you on the waiver wire, this would've been a real waste of the #1 waiver position. Can never trust these Bengals, just can't do it. That's why I'm taking San Francisco this weekend, how the hell are they underdogs to this team?

Sportsmanship In Cross Country Must Feel So Fantastic

YAHOO - Josh Ripley didn't have to stop. Running in a recent cross country meet for Andover (Minn.) High, the junior varsity runner was making his way through the trail at the Applejack Invite when he heard a loud scream during the first mile of a two-mile race. Most of the other kids running didn't pay much attention to Lakeville South runner Mark Paulauskas, who was writhing in pain at the time, as they passed by.

The only person who decided to pay attention was Ripley. Ripley immediately noticed Paulauskas holding his bloody ankle. Then, instead of running back and calling for help, he did the only thing he could think of: He carried the injured runner a half mile back to coaches and family members.

"I didn't think about my race, I knew I needed to stop and help him," Ripley said in the school district release. "It was something I would expect my other teammates to do. I'm nothing special; I was just in the right place at the right time."

It was a good thing Ripley had the foresight to carry Paulauskas so he could be rushed to the emergency room. When Paulauskas arrived at the hospital, doctors realized he had been accidentally spiked by another runner's shoe during the race. The injury required 20 stitches and a walking boot to keep the wounded area from opening up.

Andover cross country coach Scott Clark couldn't believe what he heard when word got to him that Ripley was carrying another runner back to the starting line.

"Then Josh comes jogging into view carrying a runner," Clark said. "I noticed the blood on the runner's ankle as Josh handed him off to one of the coaches from Lakeville. Josh was tired and you could tell his focus was off as he started back on the course."

Amazingly, the story gets even better from there.

After dropping Paulauskas off with his coaches, Ripley proceeded to go back and finish the race -- even after carrying a kid for a half mile on the running trail. Admittedly he was a bit winded, but still completed the course as scheduled.

It's safe to say the average athlete would have taken a breather and called off the rest of the race after such a harrowing and intense experience. Luckily, Ripley is clearly not the average athlete. Fittingly, he'll be honored at a school board meeting next week. Talk about an incredible example of sportsmanship.

I can't tell you how much I hate stories like this. Teaching kids to just give up on shit to help out some random enemy they were training to beat the shit out of and then in the biggest moment just fucking lose everything to help this pussy with his paper cut? Give me a fucking break. Why was he on the floor crying? Dude you got spiked, walk that shit off. Where were the EMS people? What they just stand at the starting line? Hey newsflash EMS people, injuries usually occur during the event, maybe get your ass out on the course so you're closer to people who get dehydrated or pull a hamstring or get stepped on?

Getting any type of sportsmanship award was the fucking rock bottom of someones athletic career in high school - that was like realizing you're just not good at athletics and it's time to move on to a different avenue in life. But I have a feeling something like this in the cross country world is like winning an MVP trophy. Like races don't matter - there's no professional cross country teams scouting the high school circuit for talent, it's like this is their opportunity to help the community or some shit to put on their resume. They probably train for spotting shit along the course they can stop and help, like an injured insect or something. They flip the ant over from being on his back or something so it can walk around and get stepped on by someone behind them and then they get some sort of star on their racing bib for a good sportsmanship play. Just some bizarre type of behavior that goes on along those trails.

How awesome must it be to be honored at a school board meeting in front of like 3 people? What an honor! Just class act all the way! I mean that's what you do for someone who is CLEARLY not your average athlete. I can only imagine the harrowing and intense experience from seeing another racer with a scratch on his leg. I just hope he can make it and there's no traumatic stress syndrome to follow, I don't know if I'd be able to handle that shit.

ESPN's "Expert" Predictions For 2011 Were Close - Not.

ESPN Predicts The 2011 Baseball Season

Back on March 30th, ESPN put out a preview of the MLB season, with their entire baseball staff making their predictions for the season. I can try to be funny or make this about how ESPN loves to grind Boston's dick off, but let's just see these results:

Out of 45 "expert" predictions, 45 picked Boston to win the AL East (100%)

Out of 45 "expert" predictions, 42 picked Boston to reach the World Series (93%)

Out of 45 "expert" predictions, 33 picked Boston to win the World Series (73%)

Some fucking imagination ESPN has.

Out of 45 "expert" predictions, 0.... THAT'S Z-E-R-O.... picked the Yankees to win the AL East (0%)

Out of 45 "expert" predictions, 35 picked the Yankees to win the Wild Card (78%)

Out of 45 "expert" predictions, 1.... THAT'S O-N-E.... picked the Yankees to reach the World Series (2%)

Out of 45 "expert" predictions, 0 picked the Yankees to win the World Series (0%)

Read on for the 2011 Results

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

U.S. Building Secret Drone Bases But Somehow I Already Know About It

Washington Post - The Obama administration is assembling a constellation of secret drone bases for counterterrorism operations in the Horn of Africa and the Arabian Peninsula as part of a newly aggressive campaign to attack al-Qaeda affiliates in Somalia and Yemen, U.S. officials said.

One of the installations is being established in Ethi­o­pia, a U.S. ally in the fight against al-Shabab, the Somali militant group that controls much of that country. Another base is in the Seychelles, an archipelago in the Indian Ocean, where a small fleet of “hunter-killer” drones resumed operations this month after an experimental mission demonstrated that the unmanned aircraft could effectively patrol Somalia from there.

The cables, obtained by the anti-secrecy group WikiLeaks, reveal that U.S. officials asked leaders in the Seychelles to keep the counterterrorism missions secret. The Reapers are described by the military as “hunter-killer” drones because they can be equipped with Hellfire missiles and satellite-guided bombs.

Welp so much for that secret, huh? Doesn't the Obama administration know they have to pinkie swear that shit before talking about it? You don't just tell this shit to anybody, you have to trust them. And no way do you trust someone you haven't pinkie sweared with - that's national security basics right there.

How do you call something a secret when you're openly talking about it? Is that not one of the dumbest things you've ever seen? Telling someone the secret and still describing the plan as a secret and how it will still be a secret is pretty loony tunes. I mean they were being pretty specific about the locations of where these things would be based, I just don't see how this "secret" will do us any good at this point. Unless this is one of those acts our government isn't smart enough to pull off - leak a "secret" and then set up shop right next to the terrorists assholes then drone the fuck out of them while they're looking for some fake bases. Genius!

Shout out @Cooperstar_ for the link