Wednesday, November 23, 2011

No Way! Power Bands Don't Give You Super Athletic Powers?!

Of course a soccer pussy would wear this shit.

TMZ - Power Balance -- the company that allegedly duped athletes into believing its bracelets could provide super-human strength -- is about to take a $57 million dollar hit in a lawsuit filed by people who called BS on the product ... TMZ has learned. A class action suit was filed in federal court in L.A. back in January ... alleging consumers were duped into believing the hologram-embedded band was scientifically proven to enhance balance, flexibility and strength. There was just one small problem -- there was never any hard evidence to back those claims. Now, sources with direct knowledge of the situation tell TMZ ... the company has reached a settlement worth $57.4 million, intended to compensate all those who were misled into buying the product. And it gets worse for PB -- we're told the company will be declaring bankruptcy and plans to fold up shop altogether. The Power Balance bracelets CRUSHED IT when they first appeared on the scene a few years ago -- with superstars like Drew Brees and Shaq vouching for the product. Turns out ... size, strength and talent can't be sold in stores.

3:10 PM: Power Balance officially filed for bankruptcy this morning ... but afterward, the company posted a tweet stating, "Power Balance is not going out of business."

Seriously, what's next - someone gonna tell me Santa isn't real?? How is it possible these rubber bracelets that cost $20 don't give me super human abilities?! I've had so many arguments with my idiot friends who had this thing and actually believed they had more "balance" and felt better when they had it on. One of my friends wore it and would do tests on people to prove it. So he'd start off by shoving them where they'd almost fall down when they still had no clue what was going on, then he'd take his bracelet and just put it on their shoulder and then lightly poke them. Well they obviously didn't move and this bracelet makes out looking like a fucking hero. Magically balancing this unsuspecting human from a real life Facebook poke. He impressed everyone so much with his tests that one of my roommates had one not even two days later.. I just never understood how a $25 dollar rubber band could change anything - like I rock some of the Nike bands but they come in a 5 pack for like $5, and I do it just strictly as a fashion thing. I don't run around claiming my painful arthritis has completely gone away, but only when I'm within 3 feet of my superpower band. Love the fact they got called out on their bullshit scam, now I get to rub it in my friends faces. HA! Idiots. You'll never get that money back, enjoy your bracelets.

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