Wednesday, December 21, 2011

'Tis The Season To Be A Dickhead

You know how you become a dickhead during the holidays? By decorating your house like a dickhead. Shit really grinds my gears. If you're gonna decorate, do it right. None of this half ass nonsense. Here's my list of the top 5 dickhead Christmas decoration moves that have been committed within two blocks of my apartment:

1) Putting ornaments on a tree outside. What the hell is that? This tree has no business even being considered to be decorated, and you put ornaments on it? We're outside, ornaments go on the tree inside, just a dickhead move across the board.

2) This one has a plethora of issues, this is an absolute clusterfuck of decorations. My main problem besides absolutely everything not matching is the over-run. Left window, what is going on there? We didn't want to take that around the bottom of the window? Just let it run off to the left onto a fence for 3 feet? There's a-whole-nother half of this house that might be worse, but this is just atrocious. Taking whatever lights they have and throwing them on the first thing they see. Look at that tree. Half and half lights? Tree looks retarded.

3) Here we go, might be my number one pet peeve of all time.... Inflatable decorations. What a disaster. Small lights mixed with big lights, an inflatable white trash Santa, and the over-run from the top window with lights just spilling everywhere then making a 90 degree turn. Blue lights, too - there's definitely some sort of wanted fugitive living here.

4) Sweet wire lights, bro. We trying to land a 747 into your living room? What's with the red, white and blue door decoration? July 4th in the middle of winter? Get real. This house also had music going through that nuclear lit snowman that would do nothing but make me vandalize the shit out of this house if I was their neighbor.

5) Putting your lights on a tree like this is just slapping Christmas right in the face. This is like F- effort. I'm surprised they even untangled the lights to put them on and they didn't just plug them in and throw a ball of wire in there. If I'm this tree, I'm pissed. This tree is perfect for lights unlike example 1, it deserves to be wrapped generously round and round and be lit for all the world to enjoy. This just cuts deep to see a tree so defenseless from asshole light hangers.

No comments:

Post a Comment