Sucker Free Sunday: Week 9 LOCKS

Fuck this shit. I'm sick of this crap that's been going on the last couple weeks. Jaguars thinking they can even compete with the Ravens, shit is fucking sickening. Enough of this shit. I'm going 3-0 this week like a motherfucker. Let's go.

NY Giants +9 - Like I mentioned earlier - the Giants are a bad matchup for the Patriots. I don't like Brady and his nonchalant style in the pocket against this pass rush. That said, it could be one of two games. The Patriots come out and rip through the Giants poor rushing defense with another guy no one has heard of, or they try to shoot it out. Unfortunately for Brady, he's not playing Mark Sanchez this week, he's playing fellow MVP candidate Eli Manning and he's throwing against your 32nd ranked pass defense. I would love for this game to turn into a shootout, if it does, Giants should hang and stay close and possibly steal the game in Foxboro.

San Francisco -3.5 - I don't know if anyone knows this.... But I love Patrick Willis, which means I love San Francisco. I also hate the Redskins. John Beck vs. Patrick Willis? Yeah right. Like that's a question. Cannot believe this is only a 3 point spread. I'm all over SF here, their defense will put up more points than the Redskins offense.

Cincinnati +3 - I feel like I say this every week about the Bengals but here it goes again.... I don't get this spread. I guess the Titans are okay, but really? Chris Johnson even playing? Believe it or not, the Bengals own the 4th ranked overall defense. 2nd in the NFL against the run. Good luck getting back on track this week CJ. I love the combination of Andy Dalton to AJ Green, they look like they've been playing together for years. I like the matchup for the Bengals, they should win this game straight up.

2011 Record 13-9-2 (WC; 2-6)


Wild Card picks which I'm obviously awful at, record is 2-6 since starting these.... I don't know why I'm even still doing it, but here we go - two more games:

St. Louis +3 - Arizona is starting John Skelton.... From Fordham.... Whatever, they just shouldn't beat anyone with Skelton on the field - that is if the Earth is still spinning on its axis and everything made sense.

Baltimore +3 - I've been arguing constantly with Galt about this all week, I just can't see his reasoning how Pittsburgh has such a good chance to win this game. Baltimore has the #1 defense in the NFL and already bent the Steelers over 35-7 earlier this year. I love the Ravens in this game, I think they're a better team. Even if they haven't been playing well on the road, I don't care - shit like that doesn't matter when these two teams play each other. I expect it to stay close.

Week 9 Picks by Johnny Galt

You may have seen my picks several weeks ago.  They didn't turn out too well.  Since then, I have been lax in posting these up here.  I will try to do better

SAN FRAN -3.5 over Washington

Has anyone been watching the Redskins play?  Who is their starting RB?  Who is their starting QB?  Who is their primary WR?  When was the last time anyone at any of these positions put up some kind of numbers. Week 3?  San Fran is absolutely steam rolling through the NFL right now.  I think they may have replaced Frank Gore with a cyborg after week 2.  I just don't see anyway the Redskins get into the endzone in this game other than one fluke luck play.  San Fran wins this by 10. 

KC - 4 over Miami

KC has been hot.  Their WR core looks strong, they have three different looks in the backfield, and their secondary seems to catch more passes than opponent WRs of late.  Matt Moore doesn't seem like a big upgrade over Carson Palmer, and is definitely no Philip Rivers.  I don't see him having success here. 

ARIZONA -2.5 over St Lous

St Louis won a game.  Hoooray!  They won a game based entirely on an 87 year old RB putting up 150 yards against the worst rush defense in the NFL.  They shouldn't be able to do that against Arizona, who is 13th in that department.  Arizona meanwhile has been playing good games all year.  They beat the Panthers.  They only barely lost to the Giants and Ravens on the road.  I got burned for picking Arizona last time I posted my picks, but I am going back to the well here.  That week was their worst game of the season.  If they lose today I may be the next Madden curse.

Honorable Mention:

PITT -3 over Baltimore

Baltimore has been awful on the road.  Pittsburgh has been filthy at home.  I think this one gets ugly in the Steelers favor.

Seattle +11.5 over DALLAS

Seattle isn't good.  But Dallas isn't too good either.  I think Dallas will win but this spread is just too high. 

Record: 1-4

NFL: Week 9 Picks (@mspici)

After an 0-3 week, I'm embarrassed. Really terrible work by me. Let's get back to the winning ways:

Colts +7
Titans -1.5
Chargers +5.5


Record: 12-10-2

This is taking things to another level, Pinto

David Pinto, who runs the site BaseballMusings.com has been pushing the envelope a little recently with his story titles. Check out today's gem:

I'm not sure if this is meant as a joke purposefully or if it's some sort of pun that is lost on me, the idiot, but dude, I like your style.

Sounds like the new mantra by which I'll live my life. Might even get it tattooed somewhere on me. "Leading with my wang" in some kind of script font. Love it.

Are The Giants A Bad Matchup For The Patriots?

Let's just talk about the big retarded looking mouth breathing elephant in the room. Eli Manning is playing MVP football right now. The Patriots are 32nd in the league against the pass, that's dead fucking last. They're the only team in football allowing an average of over 300 yards per game through the air. That's atrocious. Manning has been playing smart football all season. Cue the "WAHHHH but he said he's in Brady's class! WAHHH!". Well you know what? He has been. Check the numbers and they're pretty much spot on. A battle of the #2 and #3 QB's of 2011 except Eli gets to play against Milton High Schools JV squad and Brady has to go up against the best defensive line in the game, the one leading the NFL in sacks. If Brady decides he wants to stand in the pocket like some cocky asshole like he normally does, I have a feeling he might get killed. JPP tears his own teammates ACL's for fun so might want to learn how to move out of the pocket once in a while or you can consider your season over.

We All Know The LIRR Sucks But You What Really Sucks About It?

Everything. I mean there's just so much shit that sucks about commuting in general, that when you add absolute incompetence into the mix it becomes laughable. I always laugh when people complain about the LIRR, almost one of those "Well seriously what do you expect" kind of laughs. It's hilarious that we just accept the fact we have to hand over a fucking car payment each month to get literally nothing in return. Them fucking up has become so common that it's literally just expected. Like when that autobot comes on the intercom and give you one of those robotic messages and you hold your breath right at "The WEST-bound train to PENN station is operating.... (breath being held).... ON TIME" (exhale) and then you realize you have kind of a cold sweat and figure out that the little robot voice basically controls how the rest of your day is going to go. Well here's my list of things that suck about commuting on the LIRR:

5) The conductors - This one goes last because this is a half shitty half good thing about the train. There are those few conductors that have so much fucking pride in being a part of the LIRR you almost feel like they'd take a bullet for the train. They know every stop on every branch and every single transfer at Jamaica off the top of their head. They punch holes through one of those 8x11 tickets at about 16 per second. They sort of amaze me. Then there's the asshole conductors, the ones who tell you to take your feet off the seat or that you can't stand in certain area even though there's no where to sit. The ones who act like you're the biggest asshole ever for not having your ticket ready for when they come through. The ones who poke you to wake you up to show them a ticket that was easily visible to them but they won't acknowledge it unless you're awake? The worst.

These TUMS Commercials Are Pretty Much Balls To The Wall Gay Right?

I'm not some sort of Homo hate monger now - these are definitely really gay right? Like "Hey Mike Waltrip thanks for making it down, look here's the scenario you're going to be holding a wielding cock shaped object and you're going to try and put it into your mouth but it's just going to degrade you and slap you all over the face, alright ACTION!" Like how bad is Waltrip's career that he had to revert to trying to insert uncooperative dick shaped objects into his mouth? That's kind of not even the funniest part, the "about time I'm really going to enjoy this" bite is hilarious. Like they're confirming they got it in their mouth while smiling and taking a bite at the same time it's so awkward, not like trying to get it in their mouth was awkward enough. Marketing 101 - well played TUMS.